I Demand

We live in a world of "demand". We can watch movies "on demand". We can listen to music "on demand". We can bank with an immediate tap. We can customize our coffee, pre-order and pick it up. We can ask Alexa and she'll answer us immediately. She'll even change your TV channel for you. We can order groceries and there's a special place to park the second you arrive for pick up. We can arrange for dinner deliveries any night of the week - ingredients already chopped and measured. We can take, edit and post a photograph with free apps on our phone. We can order a monthly box of clothing to arrive so we don't even have to think about what to wear anymore.

Things that were once considered fast are now too slow. We are reminded every six months that our "new" smart phone or tablet is now an "older version" because of the latest, shiniest model. We are reminded every time we go on social media that someone else is having more fun, going more places or doing life better.

In this world of demand and now, we have lost the ability to wait well. And, we've lost the ability to recognize that not everything goes our way. These are two vital areas that parents must combat in our microsecond world of instant convenience. If we aren't careful, the next generations will ascend in to adulthood even more self-absorbed than the current one who can't be bothered to RSVP or say thank-you.

Our world of demand allows children to pick and choose what they will look at and listen to. Power children did not have in generations prior. We've gone from saving up to buy a record you want to listen to, to scrolling and tapping for free. One of the greatest things stores like Starbucks did for the everyday Joe was to give them the power to choose every detail they can about a cup of coffee. Brilliant. People who don't know who they would vote for can stand with self assurance and dictate their drink of choice. Empowering.

Parents who want to teach their children to wait, or teach their children that they must learn to accept that some things do not go their way are like salmon. Swimming against a powerful social current to do their duty. I say, keep swimming! Recognize that this is indeed a challenge, but it must be done. I believe you can think creatively about how you can introduce and keep these essential aspects of becoming a solid citizen in the forefront.

Instead of seeing how fast they can do something, try finding out "how careful" they can be for things like writing, drawing or folding.

Instead of asking what they want to drink, offer 2 choices. They pick one. It might not be their favorite because their favorite wasn't even offered. Try this with treats, too. Or even cereal.

Instead of telling them to "hurry up" and get in the car, tell them thirty minutes in advance that the car leaves at 7:45. Set the timer for 5 minutes earlier and calmly state that when the timer rings, it will be time to get in the car/get their backpack/shoes etc. Set them up for success by ensuring that backpacks and coats et al are located near the door for easy departure.

Remove the word "hurry" from your vocabulary. You slow down. You plan ahead enough so no one has to rush. Replace all the times you are urging the gang along with encouragement and praises. Or asking questions to learn how they think.

Look ahead to things as a family and as individual family members. Count down to holidays or birthdays. Count down to family movie night on the sofa. Create your own big deal and enjoy the anticipation. It can be as simple as Tuesday is Library Day. Or Sunday is Soup and Salad night.

When you are at a red light, make use of your time by chatting or singing - not mumbling about how this safety feature is slowing you all down.

Remember that it takes 18 years to officially be grown up in the world. There are different developmental stages and phases that must occur in order for the next one to take place. We can't rush time, even if we allow our 11-year old daughter to dress as if she was hitting a night club. You'll do damage to her for rushing her along, but she won't be 18 until 18 years have passed no matter how hard you or she tries to out-dress her age. A one-year old can't read, but a four-year old can recognize their name. A 13-year old doesn't have the ability to think abstractly and should not be given the car keys because they are biologically unable to process abstract response options.

Set a budget for clothing and allow your teens to choose what they are using the money for. If they decide they don't want to get new shoes, fine. But they have to learn to live with the ones they have. If they spend it all on one thing they have to live with that choice until the next budget.

Be consistent about the pay periods you use for allowances and family meetings. Keep that schedule so that they can learn about consistency and plan ahead with their finances.

Teach your kids how to make and pack their own lunches.

Make one big dinner a week that involves each family member in preparation and enjoy each step of anticipation.

Catch your kids working on learning a new skill and point out their hard work. Notice progress. Give them praise. "You did such a great job with your shoes today!", "That piece you just played on the piano shows how much you've learned in music", "Way to go on making your bed!" "Wow, you brought that C up to a B - great work!" "I was glad when you let me know you were at Billy's house instead of Tommy's like I thought."

Insist on treating everyone kindly. Please and Thank You. Eye contact. Keep space in lines. Do not attempt to get ahead in lines. Hands to ourselves. We pay before we use or eat something. We smile at the workers in the stores even if they don't thank us. We do not talk about people behind their backs. We are no better or worse than anyone else. We work for things, we don't just get them handed to us. There is always someone else we can help. Do not ignore other people. Think about how the other person might be feeling. Unkind words can leave lasting hurts - don't be that person.

And to think it all starts with waiting and finding out we don't always get what we want.