An allowance is an all-purpose teacher. It teaches the parent to be consistent and communicate clearly. It teaches your kid responsibility, patience, anticipation and stewardship. This is the one major category that is a must-have in your parenting Arsenal.
You say you can't afford it due to family finances? Even if you are on welfare, they are seeing you buy food and gas. They are aware that there is some form of money out there. It's a must that they see you budgeting and spending wisely. A few years ago, our finances were such that we could not afford to give out weekly cash - so we created a bank book. Each week we made a deposit entry and kept a running balance. About once a month we were able to provide the real cash for withdrawals. So you see, there is always a way if you get creative. You can even pay your kids with poker chips or pennies.
Now that we agree that every kid needs an allowance, let's tackle the topic. An allowance is an amount of money your child receives each week. Pick a day and stick to it. They get this money to manage with some coaching from you. They do not earn this money, but for this basic amount there are basic family expectations that come with being part of the team. This includes making beds, cleaning up possessions, feeding the pet, emptying the dishwasher, etc. The basic amount can be adjusted for age, but the point is the same for everyone: we all have a part in this household.
Here's the beauty of the basic allowance: if a child does not do the bare necessities, you pay another child (or yourself) to do the task and deduct it from their allowance. Heh heh heh. Our girl didn't want to clean up the dog poop, so my hubby charged her $10 every time he did it.
So you don't pay your kids to make their beds, that's an expectation. But you can provide opportunities to earn extra cash by setting a price on more involved chores. Like $1 per bathroom mirror or counter. $3 for the kitchen floor. $6 to vacuum the main floor. You get it. The caveat is that it has to be a professional job or you will deduct for re-do's.
We have established an easy philosophy about the what and why behind an allowance. Now let's add the how. How does an allowance teach stewardship? You show your kids that 10% goes to savings, 10% to giving and the rest they can spend. Your percentages may look different, but you want three categories. Set up different containers or envelopes to help them visualize the differences. And be sure they take their giving monies to church each time you go. They learn responsibility if they have to pay for something they lost or broke. (And if you implement the Take Away Box I've talked about before and have to "buy back" items they have left out.) They learn to wait when they are saving up for something important. Anticipation comes each week - especially if they are out of spending money - and our kids have learned the importance of looking forward to something. They will appreciate the things they look forward to and have earned much more that if you buy it and hand it over to them.
An allowance is also your friend when you are shopping. "Mom can I have this toy?" You smile and chirp "Sure, just use your allowance." If they whine that they don't have enough, you smile again and using your most upbeat tone say "Oh? Well next week you will." Then they learn the big lesson of delayed gratification. Do they go home empty handed today and wait a whole week? Or do they give up the idea of that thing and blow the cash now on something cheaper? Whatever they do, resist the urge to warn them. Let them learn by the experience next week if they wasted it all on some candy this time. And whatever you do, DO NOT nag them next week by saying "if you had only held on to your cash from last week..."
Ug. No. Don't do that. Just smile and say "Well, there's next week." Repeat as often as they play this scene out. The younger your child, the more likely this will be the norm for while. Remember. They live in the moment. It's theirs to handle. By the time they are interested in more expensive activities, they will be more inclined to save up. Your kids won't budget the same way so please don't compare one to the other.
Are there times of mercy? You bet. If they have saved and saved and are a few dollars short, you can open your wallet and say something like "I know how hard you have worked to save for this. I would like to pay the tax." If they are grateful you can offer that again sometime. If they aren't, that's it.
In order for your allowance system to work, you absolutely have to be consistent every week. Don't let them be the only ones to remember. Call them to the table and make it a big deal. Pay for the extra jobs upon completion, but the allowance comes just once a week. Resist the urge to pay for "being a good boy at Grandma's", grades or anything that you (the adult) don't get paid for. If you have family meetings this would also be a good time to distribute allowances. Each week, remind them of the three categories and encourage dialog. If you start this with your kindergartener, you will have some responsible high school students who don't think the world owes them a living and will not act entitled.
Raising a child that contributes to the world for the good of others starts with you and the wonderful version of the allowance you introduce to your family. Teach them as young ones that every penny counts.
