Have you heard about the enterprising woman without kids who wrote a book advocating "Me-Turnity" leave for everyone -- even if they aren't parents, in order to make things fair?
After all, once a baby is pushed out or surgically delivered, isn't life a breeze? A whole "maternity leave" off from WORK to just glide. Everyone should have one of these, not just the parents of a wee little bambino! Everyone should get the same opportunity to experience paid time off from work in order to focus on themselves, right? It's only fair that we treat everyone equally.
Everyone deserves time off from work to rest and focus on themselves. I have learned that Americca is the only developed nation in the world that does not mandate employers to provide paid maternity leave. Congratulations to the author capitalizing on her idea but whoa has she ever missed the point.
Not only is a pregnancy a medical condition, it involves another human being. While many women experience problem-free pregnancies and deliveries, others develop complications and sometimes even the baby has problems. Number One, a pregnancy is a health condition that brings forth anther human with their own health needs.
Number Two, the reason why there is a maternity leave is two-fold. Not only is it for mother-child bonding, it is also for the beginning of a physical recovery from the pregnancy and delivery process. It takes over 12 months for a woman's body to return to its pre-pregnant condition, and I am not referring to the weight. All kinds of internal organs rearrange themselves over time in order to accommodate the baby. All kinds of hormones and cells do amazing nesting things and it takes a long while to readjust. I know women who get curly hair while pregnant, or acne or varicose veins. The female body is amazing in the ability to carry life. Whatever length the maternity leave is, it isn't long enough to fully readjust.
Number Three, if a mom is returning to work outside the home after her leave, those few weeks of bonding aren't nearly enough before leaving baby with others. And if she is breast feeding, she either has to pump or give it up. If she pumps, she has to take extra bathroom breaks in order to do the pumping. And it isn't as simple as pumping up a mattress. After she gets the milk, she has to store it and remember to bring it home -- keeping it in a cool place in the car, too. There's a lot to feeding baby. And don't forget the outfit changes. Baby isn't the only one who gets messy.
Speaking of work... What do you call laundry and dishes? Bill paying and vacuuming? Cooking and cleaning? Changing sheets and more laundry? Coaching and teaching children? Shopping and planning? Doctor and dental visits? Homework and team support? The family calendar? Not to mention the nurturing and encouraging that all parents should be doing with every family member.
I do not know of one woman, and I've met thousands, who "rested" and "focused on themselves" either during or after a pregnancy. In fact, it's quite the opposite. Once your body becomes a vessel for another human being, it's exhausting and exhilarating all at once. But one thing it isn't anymore is your own. You no longer get to choose when you will go to be bathroom, sleep, move or sit ever again. You go from first to last. Some women have a terrible time accepting this "last" position in the pecking order. But it just is.
It doesn't mean you don't matter anymore. In fact, you matter more. It's in that mattering that we find out we aren't the most important person in our universe anymore. Part of the deal is holding our potty until we can take a few minutes to run into the Loo. Part of the deal is making sure everybody has their oxygen mask on first before your pedicure. Part of the deal is having that little someone tell you that you're the best mommie in the whole world and feeling your heart skip a beat. It doesn't mean you lose yourself, but you do become refined along the way.
You do a lot of waiting as a mom. Especially if you wanted to do something grown-up after they fall asleep. Time seems suspended when you hit a red light and your baby wakes up screaming because his suburban crib suddenly isn't in motion, or when you are trying to check out at the grocery store with a toddler grabbing everything in the cart with his octopus arms. Then one day you pass the little coin-operated riding toy outside the store and realize they haven't asked for a ride in months, and you'll realize time just blinked on by and your heart will skip another beat.
A maternity leave is to focus on the new family combination, not the self. It's probably mis-titled if anyone thinks it's all about free time to indulge and enjoy and bask in one's self. New mothers do basking alright, at about 4:30 a.m. when we open our eyes to the pre-dawn sky and realize what we get to be...right before hearing the call of the wild. Our basking is done in bits and spurts along the way. Every once in awhile we may get some precious alone time, but I bet you most of us text the family just to check in even then. A maternity leave is the introductory period of learning how to become more multi-faceted and multi-tasking as we learn how to live and relate in new family dynamics.
And yes, having children is different than not having children. And no, people should not be treated "the same" when the conditions are not.
