Arg. Don't you just cringe when you encounter a kid who can't see beyond their eyebrows and elbows? They can be a preschooler, pre-teen or professional teen. No matter what, it's just a stab in your heart to find out your very own kid is a big fat selfish brat.
If you are such a parent that can recognize your kid's brattiness, congratuations! Most will do anything to cover up or ignore this awful truth. Better instead that you get it and know how to pray and react.
Who in the world wants to give a nod to the sullen fact that their kid is such a disappointment in this category? Maybe only their recent behavior is the reason. Maybe their whole life is the reason. Maybe it's somewhere in-between. No matter what, hats off to parents who acknowledge and stop protecting or ignoring this truth.
No matter when you realize that you have a home-grown brat, I refuse to believe it is ever too late to introduce reality parenting and nip this nasty right off the vine.
Now that you have taken a deep breath and acknowledged what others already know, let's get to work. My guess is that you probably already know why your kid is such a brat. Have they been over indulged? Have they ever been told "no" or "wait'? Can they interrupt you at any time or are they the center of your bragging universe? Yep. That's why. And if you recently added another sibling to the family mix, that's another double-why.
A brat is someone that only thinks of themselves and has not yet learned there are other people in the world. It is well past the time to introduce this truth.
Any easy first lesson is to tell your child that they have to wait for (insert numerical age here) minutes until snack. Set your smart phone timer for that number of minutes. They can occupy themselves at the table in any quiet way, but in silence. If they talk, you don't - and you reset the timer. Keep going until they do it and congratulate them for a good job waiting. Do this every day for a week and extend the time. After a week, promise them a special outing (movie, zoo, park) to take place in another week and teach them to count down the days. Congratulate them for a good job anticipating,
Okay, so they are on track for waiting and anticipating on their own. Now add in people. Play family games and model what it is like to be a good sport and play fair. Keep going. For me, nothing gets a kid's attention like when I act like the worst example of what I am trying to teach. They jump in and start telling me how to behave. You could act selfish and pouty and see what your kid does. The goal is to get them to see what others's feel like and curb that behavior. Be sure to arch your eyebrows and give them a knowing look when they arrive at this conclusion.
Still having trouble with selfishness? The list is endless. Volunteer as a family in your community. Work together to help others. Do yard work or chores as a family to make the house clean for everyone. Have your offender host a party for other kids and model how to be a host and serve others. Teach your kid how to make a grocery list and have them pick out all the items. Teach them how to shop for and cook a family dinner - weekly.
Avoid giving kids everything they want. If they have too much stuff, fill some jumbo trash bags and donate them. Who needs more than 10 outfits? If there are so many toy parts dumped in boxes and you don't know what they go to, they have too many toys. Edit. Limit the number of birthday and Christmas gifts. Some families have their kids do the editing before holidays so there is never more than the same number of toys in active use. They go with their kids to the place they are donating. (Note: Never ever ever give away something broken, dirty or missing pieces. That is called "garbage" and doesn't belong using dollars to be shipped to Africa. If it's garbage to you, it's garbage to everyone else, too. And that goes for clothes and expired food, too.)
Resist the urge to replace a broken or lost item. If your child was behind the loss, they can earn $$$ to replace it if it means that much. How do you tell if you care too much about your child's things or activities? If you find that it means more to you than it does to them.
Finally, do not reward unacceptable behavior with any attention. That includes your comments or narrative. Instead, play deaf. When they wonder why you aren't listening/answering/talking, say "Oh. I am only going to respond to things said in a polite tone." And return to your knitting or whatever else you were doing. Repeat as long as it takes to hear the proper tone and see the appropriate behavior. Then respond.
Thank you for doing your part in reducing the number of entitled people on this planet. We can all do without more grown-up versions as drivers cutting us off and displaying impertinent gestures.
