When is it time to have "The Talk" with your kids? Bet you can't guess my answer. Unless you've met me.
My answer is NEVER.
Whaaaat? That's because there isn't just one talk, one time. It's an ongoing series of phrases laced together over the years the minute you first hold your little creation and it's based upon your relationship. Let me repeat that last part: based upon your relationship.
If your relationship consists of ordering your child around, don't expect your 12-year-old to open up to you with questions. Same goes if you have not been available or you've been violent. If you have shown your child you listen to them and treat them valuably (oh and for sure discipline) along the way, you'll have earned the platform to continue conversation during what I arguably believe to be the most difficult years of a person's life - middle and high school.
Their bodies are transforming rapidly. Their brains are growing (and don't stop until the late 20s). They are moving from concrete to abstract thinking. And on top of all of this, they are awkward and tired and have media images shoved in their electronic faces telling them they ought to look a whole lot different than they really do. It is a naturally confusing time. Being forgetful comes with the territory. I visibly wince when someone complains about a "lazy teenager" to me. Or puts any label with a lift of the eyebrow on kids that age. This is a tough time developmentally even before you factor in their unique life circumstances.
In order to get ready for that time, you start at birth or in the womb if you are a prayer-bear like me. You nurture, ooh and ahh and set up guidelines to keep them safe. As they grow, you grow. You add more words to your chats. Let your little tot know the proper names for each part of the body. Say them matter-of-factly as you are dressing them and act calm. You may need to practice saying some words ahead of time if you have been accustomed to thinking some words are awkward. This is just information, folks.
Don't worry about the how-to's too early. There are a number of great books parents can read along with their kids if you want to. Maybe as tweens? But covering the basics early on is just fine. And I like to add stories like "when I was pregnant with you I loved to eat ice cream" or "when you were an itty bitty, you couldn't lift up your head" to personalize the developmental journey. As a Christian, I emphasized how this all comes from God's plan to know people. Things like menstrual cycles and nocturnal emissions are bodily functions to learn about. Not a bad idea to start having your sons wash their own sheets around age 11, moms.
Getting back to my point. Talking to your kids about sex isn't a one-time event. And it shouldn't start in school. It isn't "gross" or "embarrassing" unless you treat it that way. I believe the more conversational and informational parents can be (without lecturing, folks) the more competent kids will become in thinking about how they use their growing bodies.
If they don't grow up with shame, perhaps they will become ladies and gentlemen in society rather than those committing acts on others contributing to the current #MeToo movement? As parents, we can help our kids frame how to think about sex and think of others in respectful ways. Ignoring this responsibility only allows for kids to think things up alone and in this area, guidance is needed to lead healthy and productive lives.
