Want More, Have More, Buy More

That's what I told my kids ever since they were old enough to watch TV when commercials would come on. I would pause the ad and point to the screen. "See that?? The people who made this commerical want you to want that. They made this so you would think you need this. It's a trick." I repeated this, or asked them what they thought the media wanted them to think every time a commercial came on. And yes, I started this when they were under the age of two. And no, they didn't initially embrace my comments.

When each of my kids was first introduced to marketing greed inducers, they would tell me that the thing on TV was a good thing. And of course sometimes it was... like who doesn't need deoderant? I was laying the groundwork to build on later. In the early years, I just wanted them to see that when they saw a Cheerios commercial it was telling them to go get some "now" when it sould be their idea when it is they choose to eat cereal. Both of my four-year-olds argued with me and insisted there was nothing wrong with the nice car on the TV. And that toy certainly looked cool. I continued on with my mantra with a smile, certain things would "click" eventually.

Sometimes I even commented that a commercial made me want to go there to do that. But I followed it by saying that I would have to save up and that would take time. That beautiful resort in the Caribbean was going to have to wait though, because we needed new tires first. Once all the toy commericals revved up every November I had a lot of material to work with. That is when I introduced the concept of greed and the ability to wait.

Advertisers want us to throw the budgets and our patience right out the window and splurge on their items right away. Spending money without thought or money we really don't have (also referred to as a credit card) only causes a problem later on. Do we need Legos or food? If the purchase of Legos gets in the way of shoes or the electric bill, there's a problem. If we already have 15 toys that aren't cared for or played with often, why add to the clutter/

Sometimes I would agree that yes, that toy really was cool. Then we would strategize how to save for it. There were envelopes, jars and piggy banks we used for that. My kids learned that if they were saving for that American Girl doll and then spent part of their savings on a video, that doll was now farther from reality. If they insisted they really did want to spend their savings on something else, I only reminded them once that they had another goal, were they sure they wanted to deplete their nest egg for this? If they said yes, I was fine with that. Occaisonally they voiced regret several weeks later, at which point I encouraged them to keep saving. Yes, if they faithfully saved for something and came close to the purchase price, I would throw in a dollar or two or pay the tax. But they had to be responsible for 97% of the funds. And if they broke the thing they bought? No, that's not the time for mom or dad to replace it. Kids need to learn their is a natural consequence if they are not careful. If we dent our car, there isn't a fairy that repairs it for free.

All of this was done without nagging, lecturing or saying "See? I told you so!"

Right now I am plenty sick of material goods. In my career, I am in many homes belonging to families who could not exist without some form of government assistance. Without fail, their children manage to have more toys than mine did and we were not on assistance. They hit garage sales and clearance racks and buy, buy, buy. One only child had so many baby dolls and acessories, toys and games strewn around the house it literally looked like an erruption. More, more, more. And the child did not appreciate what she had. How could she? There were too many things to care for, and even though she was careless, her parent continued the supply.

I think North Americans just plain have too much stuff, and they ignore the cost in their quest to acquire more of it. Then they clutter up their homes with all of it - and when the house over flows, they park in the driveway and fill the garage. When the garage overflows they rent a storage unit. There is a reality show on cable about sleuths who find valuable items left behind when people forget or abandon their storage units. One of the reason I like IKEA is because their furnishings are simple and streamlined. People living in tight  quarters elsewhere in the world do not have the space to pile up stuff. How many stuffed animals does a kid need? How many hundred crayons?

How many board games? And, my pet peeve - how many videos? Especially now with Netflix, do you really need shelves full taking up space? Not only is that more to keep clean and dents the budget, vast quantities lined up like soldiers staring back creates a poor visual of plenty. Kids with lots of stuff don't have the opportunity to learn to care for what they have, and don't learn to wait for things. If they grow up getting the latest thing every time they blink, they will have succumed to Wall Street's mission to be disatisfied with life and want more, have more and need more. It's our job as parents to intervein and redirect how they process all the options out there just waiting to come home in our recyled shopping bag.

"I Hate Homework"

Ever heard that comment? Of course you probably have!

I agree. I hate homework, too.

Public school teachers have a herd of kids to deal with all day long. Little personal attention is available to meet individual needs. Thus, "homework".

Homework used to be for reinforcement of a concept thoroughly introduced and covered in school. Like spelling words. Now, it's a whole new packet of expectations loaded into an overweight backback to be trudged home and diligently worked.

Hours of homework have now become a national expectation. Performance is even based upon time spent doing homework.

Sure, parents groan about it. But inside, I think they may like the idea that their kid is sitting somewhere doing a perceived productive thing that they can brag about to their friends. "Rufus spent
four hours each night doing homework!" = Smart kid. Not.

How completely boring is this? Being forced to sit and do a thing? What about something that totally grabs their attention and passion? Instead of sending a kid off to DO homework, what if they could be engaged and interested? EXPERIENCE the concept, not just read it and circle the answer with a number two pencil that needs sharpening.

When I home schooled our kids for chunks of time, there was no homework because we did the work during our school time. And, hark! Our school time did not last seven hours. More like  three or four and believe me, everything was completely covered. Wanna know why? Because there weren't 23 or 29 other kids to keep in line. Instead of herding a crowd, I was able to focus on the unique learning skills each kid needed.

And... we approached "school" from their learning style. My girl was a learner who needed a story or a pictute. My boy needed to touch and do it. I adapted curriculum in order to reach each of my kiddos. Public and private schools do not have such luxury. I smile when I remember all of the illustrated state fact cards my daughter made. We even laminated them. And I also smile when I remember my son pacing around and around the kitchen table as we worked on US History. Drawing touched her soul, sitting penalized my active son so we adapated and achieved the ultimate goal.

We only home schooled for periods of time, and as it turns out they were the right periods of time during each of my kids's lives. Being 10 years apart, this was during different eras.  I loved "getting inside" my kids' brains and spending close time with them and believe that my investment launched them into future school success.

But, gotta tell you. Homework badgering was never on my talking points.

And when I meet parents frustrated with the volume of homework expected on a daily basis, I groan in empathy. Perhaps they should take an idea out of the 2000's sit com "According to Jim"? Jim and Cheryl were frustrated with all the homework their kids had to do. Jim handled it by going to school and meeting with the teacher to lighten the load. Not a bad idea! But don't follow up like Jim did by saying the reason the family could not support all that homework was because mom Cheryl could not read.

Parents: Let's not allow schools to teach to one learning style and equate the number of worksheets completed as teaching. Yes, there is need for reinforcement. No, there is no need for busy work. Teachers need to ensure the students have grasped the concept enough to follow up at home.

"I Want to Give My Children More Than I Had"

A frequent statement many parents make. They want life to be better for their next gen.

It usually refers to tangible items. A bigger home. Better school. More opportunities. Better toys. You get it.

This thought has never ocurred to me as a firecely kid-loving mom. While I have not been able to provide my kiddos with some of the accutraments of my just slightly priviledged middle class life, I have indeed given them more than I had.

In spades.

So we didn't go skiing at Lake Tahoe, vacation in the Virgin Islands or have a boat. We don't belong to a country club or get huge clothing discounts because of where dad works. There aren't matching his and hers new cars every two years and we can't go off and buy anything we want anytime we want. And we don't have the latest technology toy or season tickets almost all year long. The only delivery we get on a regular basis is the mail.

When my first kid was little, she had just one pair of toddler shoes and I had to save even to purchase her a  $15 crib mobile. Her furniture came on sale from the unpainted furniture store, her carseat was the low end model and videos (yes videos) came one at a time, just like books. Second kid only had two pairs of shoes and inherited all those hard won videos and by then the TV was "old" and could go in the family room. We never bought toy upon toy, just simple ones that lasted. The only clutter you would have seen was when the tote box of Legos or Barbies got dumped out.

The biggest difference between my growing up and that of my children is the emphasis of faith in our lives. My parents took us to church the way you go to the grocery store. It was an acitivity to check off the list. The other 167 hours of our week were not impacted at all. God was in the Sunday box at 11:00. In my very own family, God was part of all 168 hours each week.

Sure there was Sunday, kids clubs and VBS not to mention kids choirs and musicals. But there was also reinforcement as we drove along the road, went for walks, ate and played. There was ongoing prayer - not just at meals or bedtimes. Like praying every time we heard an ambulance or saw a driver being reckless. We prayed often, and aloud. Prayers were short so my kids could learn that God hears every peep. And we didn't just ask for stuff, we prayed for others and said a lot of thank yous. My kids grew up knowing God created the numbers they were learning to add and subtract. God created the potatoes that got made into chips. God created the people who grew up to invent things like iPads. God rules over all, it is humans that mess things up on Earth, not God.

My kids also learned that they were not only delighted in by God, they were also the delight of my life. That did not mean I worked to make them or keep them happy, though. They learned that while to me they were the most special child in the world, they were sitting in school next to 21 other special ones. We emphasized the value of a single person every chance we got. I constantly pointed us to God in whatever circumstance we were in, and sometimes there were tangible answers that the kids could see.  Sometimes we had to rest in the knowledge that God heard, even if we couldn't see.

While my parents goal for me was to marry well, know important people and be someone, I became just that but not in the country club vice president way they hoped. I married a godly man who is invested in our family and is there for us every single day. I know important people because in God's eyes, that is what everyone is. Sure some are even corporate honchos or physicians, and some are farmers, clerks or have special needs. Some are even unsavory. They are all equally important in my eyes. While I can appreciate a custom home decorated like a model, it does not cause me to pee in my panties with shock and awe or behave any differently than I do when I am in a home furnished from a flea market. The only difference is that I ask how to do that cool techniue myself.

And I certainly am someone! No big title or letters after my name. No fat 401K or bank account. No awards or books (yet). But I am someone who is loved by God and loves others, doing my best so that He will one day say "well done" in both the big and small opportunities that came my way. The most important effort to me is in raising children who grow up to be solid citizens and both  contribute to and impact their world. Yes indeed, I am giving my kids more than I had - in spades.