No parent ever dreamed of the day they would nag their kids to put things away. It doesn't work, anyway so why do we do it? We must've forgotten the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. If you are tired of the sound of your own voice and want your chilibeans (children) to become a tad more responsible, you might like these tried and true tested tips.
Tip #1. Decide ahead of time how much stuff and how much space you have to work with, in addition to your budget. With my first child there was no extra money for much so everything she had was hard won and precious. We are talking about a handful of books, two videos, set of blocks. I just made sure there was something we could use to stimulate each sense and followed that plan. Toys that made loud noises or did the work for the child were not on my wish list. Because I decided I did not want my kids to have overflowing shelves, it was easy for them to see where things went.
Tip #2. Only one category of play things come out at a time. If they are going to color, they don't drive their Matchbox cars around too. The crayons go back before the cars come out. If the Legos are out, the paintbrushes stay put. There is nothing worse that seeing every item from every game and doll mixed together on the floor like some pot luck stew. If your child plays like this it means they have way too much stuff and need to be taught how to use their toys.
Tip #3. Aside from Happy Meal toys, no new items enter the home unless another one leaves. They want a new board game? Which one are they done with or want to donate? Sometimes kids just want to want, not really have. One mom I know takes a picture of her child in the store holding the item they "wanted". They no longer even ask to have it - just to take the picture. If they are still talking
about that item months later, you have a pretty good idea what to get for their birthday.
Tip #4. Resist the idea to over-gift. Sure, you might only buy your kid one thing on their birthday. But what about Grammy and Gramps? More is not better. More is clutter. Your child can only play with one thing at a time anyway. Enlist support from extended family and friends. Establish the one gift policy early on. Even consider no gifts. You and the family could go make a memory at the zoo instead.
Tip #5. Introduce gift-giving as soon as they can warble. Your child can color a picture, paint hand prints or decorate pottery at a very young age. As they mature, you can add more creative gift creations to their list. They can learn to make gifts for siblings, parents, grandparents and teachers. When they are part of the gift giving process they experience the other side of gifts and it encourages them to take care of the gifts they receive. They can also learn to contribute to a gift financially. I had my kids give $10 toward father's day gifts if we weren't making one. They loved being part of that.
After I became a mommie, the best present you could ever give me was a gift for my little one. It was a treasure and a pleasure to begin to build their very own belongings. As the bambinos mature, it is our parental responsibility to teach them the proper care or personal possessions - and to experience the consequences if the basic rules are not followed.
I am referring to the natural consequences. Reality. If you leave your bike outside in the rain, it might get rusted. Or stolen. If you have a fit while coloring and break your red crayon, it will be shorter and harder to handle. If you cut Barbie's hair, it won't grow back. If you lose one of your playing cards, you won't be able to play that game. Follow?
We can add to the above consequences in order to encourage the ever-argued actions of "picking things up". First, take the time to personally demonstrate how to pick up. Don't just say "go clean up your room". That's way too broad. Instead, walk with your darling into their room. Focus on one area at a time starting with a garbage bag.
When I teach parents how to show their kids what "picking up" looks like, I sit with a garbage bag on the floor and have the child pile all the scraps, bits, toys and clutter between us. We throw away small pieces to games or dolls that have no home. We also throw out the water bottle caps, wrinkled art, scraps of yarn. You get it. From there we sort like with like. Cars and trucks go in one tote. Games in another. Art in another. The goal is to see the bedroom floor.
Establish a place for each toy type. From now on, that's where that type of toy goes. No more random here or there. That lack of specificity is why kids become sloppy picker-uppers. If they know that story books are always beside the bed, they aren't going to shove them in with the Legos anymore. If they know all the dress up stuff goes in that tote bag, you aren't going to find a crown jammed in their underwear drawer.
This will take you a chunk of time. But it will reap you many peaceful future moments. Your kids will see, touch and know precisely what the definition of a cleaned room is. Then you can add The Zen Rule. In our house, whatever was being played with had to be picked up by 8:00 p.m. That was the magic hour for me. Backpacks, jackets, shoes. Everything had to be put away and ready for the next day. Anything left out went away. I wouldn't cluck or fret. I just casually walked by the items left out, gathered them up and put them in The Take Away Box. The living area was uncluttered and I could enjoy my own adult time before going to bed.
You can have your kids earn their take-away items back with money like we did, or by drawing a slip of paper out of the Chore Jar and work it off. Anything left in the box for a week meant they really didn't care that much about it and you can sell or donate it depending on what it is. But whatever you do, sail along cheerily. No nagging, reminding or chiding. No talking. And please don't make the Take Away Box part of your interior decorating. The kids and their stuff are not the stars of your home - they are part of your family.
