The first time I thought about moving was 10 minutes in to the service, but kept erroneously thinking that any second, the parents would remove the noise gang. No such luck. After 15 minutes of distracted listening - certain there must be about 5 little ones behind us and missing every few words of the message - I whispered to my husband that I couldn't hear. He nodded. The parents continued to make no effort to redirect, correct or remove their children. Since they were using their normal speaking/cooing voices, I wondered not only how many others in our zip code could hear - but did the pastor? From experience, I know that certain types of audience noise can be distracting.
Fed up after 20 minutes, I reached for my purse and stood up - planning to move to the lobby and hear the rest of the message on the loudspeaker. Fortunately, there were two random chairs sitting against the back wall so that's where we went. Just 2 minutes after that, the father took his crying toddler out of the service leaving mom with three other kids who appeared to be ages four and under and no one sitting on the other side of them. Those three continued to walk, crouch, climb and play with toys and mom sat with her arm along the back of the chairs repeating her "shhh" mantra. I doubt she had heard more than a few words of the message. Dad never returned.
This scenario got me thinking. When I first realized the kids were being discourteous, I thought perhaps it could be a family that did not understand about church ediquette and didn't want to offend them by moving. After we finally moved, I noticed that the children had brought a number of items to busy themselves, so the parents had thought ahead. That means that they had been in church before today. If they weren't novices, then perhaps they are the parents who do not trust others with their children? Even if they are overly cautious or fear meltdowns if they put their kids in the children's program rooms, they were certainly blatantly unashamed about the behavior everyone else was forced to experience.
And that is my point. If you fear your child's reaction if you attempt to securely sign them into a Sunday School class staffed by screened, trained adults with age-appropriate materials it isn't appropriate to force your issues on the other people around you. Regardless of who sat down first. It is important in the North American culture to note that if there is something going on that others are also watching/listening to, that you respect the others and cease any distractions. If you have to leave the area, so be it. If you insist your kids can't be out of your sight, then take them to the lobby. But please don't spoil the experience for other people.
It is actually a disservice to your children when you don't explain church protocol. It was clear to me that today's parents had not bothered to educate their little ones. They had no idea what "shhhh" really meant because there was no follow up. There probably wasn't an explanation, either. Mom just makes that sound a lot.
With the cultural rush to affirm everyone for everything it has become harder to see people respect others in a church setting. Here are just a few key points to make it easier:
1. Tell your kids what church is for (we are going to worship God with other people).
2. Tell your kids what to expect (there will be a special class for kids your age, you will have fun things to do and will be safe, you will be in Big Church and come get them after class.)
3. Not going to class? Tell your kids what to expect in Big Church. (There will be people on stage singing, then a pastor talking. Everyone sitting in chairs is singing, then sitting quietly and listening. There is no talking or moving around.)
4. Make your children aware that there are other people there. (We don't interrupt the teacher or the pastor and we don't do things that will make it difficult for others to participate.)
A lot of this is simply good manners and common sense. I used to have a rule when I ran children's ministries. No child was to be left in distress after 10 minutes. If a little one could not be calmed within that period of time, the parents were to be summoned. Church should not be a distressing experience for anyone. The same should be true when you are in church with your kids. If they haven't stopped making noise after 10 minutes, it is time for you to act and remove them from the scene. This is one of the reasons many churches have Cry Rooms and/or broadcast the service to other rooms. Remember, if you are spending more time trying to quiet your kids you aren't hearing the service any more than anyone sitting around you.Here's to remembering there are other people in the world and teaching our kids to respect God along with others.
