Right now I am sitting behind a mom with three boys under the age of six. When they came in, I grimaced. I had specifically gone to a different Starbucks in order to disappear into my work uninterrupted and in came chattering backpacks bigger than the boys. The backpacks meant they were going to be here for awhile. Did I remember to bring my earbuds??
The first clue that this was going to be different was when I saw the oldest boy carrying all three hot chocolates across the room for his brothers. He held two in one hand just like a server. Mom had walked over to the garbage can and joined him on his way back to the table. She smiled and said calmly, "Oh you got them all??!! Nice." No rush to to grab them because he might spill. Just proud affirmation of his thoughtfulness.
They started to unpack their backpacks. The oldest had some homework worksheets that mom quickly encouraged him to work on while busying the other two with a separate activity. It's been nearly an hour now, and I haven't needed to insulate myself with Pandora. The entire gang has been pleasantly-and-volume-appropriately-occupied at their table. None of the other Starbucks patrons sitting at their screens has even looked up. I want to applaud!!
In fact, the pleasant chatter and sweet "Mommy's" are better music. They aren't fighting for attention or whining. Each one is being validated by Mom and she measures her attention back and forth. Just now she gave an assignment for the oldest to read to the middle one while she took the youngest to the Loo.
Why does this situation work so smoothly? Easy. Mom is utterly focused on her babies and she isn't trying to do anything else.
The kids can be addressed as a group with side bars for a specific child. The boys clearly behave as if they belong in a nurtured group. So impressive.
The other big thing that puts a smile on my face is that mom is doing a Bible Study with the boys. It's age-appropriate and interactive. They chat happily with each other about favorite colors as they mention what happened that week. This is priceless.
"Yup"
"There you go"
"Where is...."
"Okay"
"What would I do first?"
No correcting words are used - just redirection.
You can tell that this style of parenting is the norm for these children. And they know that they are safe and cared for. Valued but not doted on. Mom maintains a sweet, non-anxious presence.
I wish I could say I saw this scenario often, but I really don't. Usually the mom is on her smart phone and the kids are fending for themselves. They might be sitting together, but there is no interaction. Unless of course they get loud, then two moms out of ten will speak up while keeping her attention affixed to her precious communication device.
In the psychology world, the sweet Starbucks mom was "fully present". Here's a decaf toast to all the caregivers out there who take the time to really be there for their kids. The investment is priceless.
