If you read this blog, you know that I have two kids born ten years apart. Everything I learned with first-born girl was forgotten by the time second-born boy arrived. Besides that, each gender was completely different so even if I remembered something, it no longer applied.
I am a fierce mama bear out for my kiddos' best interest. With that in mind, here are some things I actually did along the way that I admit for the sake of giving you a good laugh, twitch or wince right along with me.
1. Telling Both Kids I Was Going to Take Them to The Police.
As a novice parent, and then just because it sounded good; I would proclaim a mindless threat if a kiddo was acting up while driving around. "I am going to take you to the Police Station!!!" "No Mommie, no!!! Pleassse." Sobbed both victims of my irrationality. Man do I regret that one.
2. Attempting to Pull Out My Girl's Loose Front Teeth Ahead of Time For a Photo Shoot.
Seriously? Yep. Her front teeth were rather loose. We had that new dress and it was time for the bi-annual photo. Why not rush nature? She never trusted me again with her teeth. I don't blame her. What a dork I was. And no, the teeth were'nt ready to come out yet. Wince.
3. Calling the Babysitter to Find Out Where the Missing Tool Toy Went.
Our two-year old son's favorite thing to play with was his Little Tykes Tool Bench. Made out of plastic, the bench came with assorted plastic tools complete with screws and a tool basket. It was his 2nd birthday gift. I was so anal that one time I came home and noticed the hammer and screw driver were not in their appropriate places so I called the sitter to help me locate them. Argh.
4. Speaking of Being Anal - Washing the Duplos Regularly in the Dishwasher.
Yep that was with my first kiddo. Not only did I do that, I routinely returned every toy and book to their rightful, original place on the toy shelf. With Number Two ten years later, he got to eat off the floor as long as it wasn't a staple.
5. Not Washing My Newborn's Potty Area Because That Stuff Might Be Important.
I knew my mom saved my navel thingie. At the ten-day check up, the pediatrician set me straight. Need I say more? Duh.
6. Scouting and Calling Local McDonalds in Order to Obtain All of The Mulan Happy Meal Toys.
Yep, I admit it. And... when we went there, before we drove off I checked the toy in the bag. One time the toy in there did not match what was described over the phone so I marched back inside. There were 17 Mc Mulan figures possible, and we (I) landed 15. Not bad, huh? #Mulanlove
7. Ziplocks on Steriods.
Whenever I traveled with my firstborn, I packed her complete outfits in ziplock bags. Oh, and let's not forget toys sorted by category! You know... Barbies in one bag, outfits in another. Urp, was I ever a bag lady.
8. Being on Red Alert Too Much With ADHD #2.
This lil guy challenged me with his moter-driven, unsafe and amped bravery. Who knew an 18-month old would hurl himself into a pool during the "Mommy and Me" swim class? Or, scamper to the top-most post at the local park's Climbing Thing? Relax, relax. Stop the panic. He's now a soldier.
9. Using White-Out to Change Words in a Toddler Book.
Yep. Not only did I apply that liquid corrector to the word "stupid", I changed it to "silly" and niftily matched the font with my skinny sharpie. Another time, I glued two pages together so that Count Dracula wouldn't be seen. Yes, yes I can say #overboard. My only defense was that it was with my firstborn. Wait. That's still no defense.
10. Hiding From My Girl In Order to Lick the Brownie Bowl.
Yep. I trained her well. The brownie dough is it! But sometimes, I didn't want to share. So one time when she was three, I got her distracted with Sesame Street and new coloring pages as I was mixing up a yummy batch and while she was coloring away, I took the bowl into the dining room to hide my bowl-licking. Smugly walking back into the kitchen area, unaware of my batter mustache, I was busted. By a three-year-old.
In spite of my dorkiness and blunderheadedness, they survived my mommie growing pains rather well. Just remember, this is only the top ten...
