The Missing Word From the Media Coverage of the 2020 Election and COVID19

 

There’s a word missing from the 2020 Presidential Election narrative that should be connected to the impact of COVID19  in the US.

 

Pretty much every time I turn on local or cable news, I experience partisan blame hyping topics such as “economy”, “vaccination”, “testing”, “masks” and “school”. Sometimes the science brains tell us one thing, and the next time they tell us another. And each time I hear “these same ol’ things” I become angrier.

 

Since I know that anger is the doorbell of emotions – you have to answer the door to see who is there, and when you feel anger you need to ask yourself what the underlying emotion really is – I know that my anger in this case is an indicator of feeling disrespected, anxious and worried. Rather than waiting for COVID19 to pass, it’s dawning on us that we need to adjust our thinking to living with new ways to accomplish tasks of daily living. The hundreds of conversations I’ve had as a tele-therapist lately confirm that I’m not alone.

 

Brady Smith’s 2019 kids’ book title You’re Missing It keeps ringing in my ears. It’s about a kid trying to point out things to their distracted dad who is otherwise fixated on his smart phone. The word our politicians, scientists and speech writers have missed as they talk about everything else is “family”. I believe that the presidential candidate who begins using this word will be the candidate to resonate with voting families. Until someone does, in my humble opinion they are all completely missing it. The other topics are important, but until someone connects them directly with the American family they’re all missing it.

 

No one has yet to recognize that the backbone of a civilization  is the family. Until they do, things will continue to miss the boat of the point. The family is the boat, navigating the rapids. And all we hear about is the rapids. We need to talk more about what it is like for families to be experiencing this pandemic from their boats. I'd like the top of the tops on down in every industry to validate what families are going through and demonstrate some level of understanding about what everyday life is for the families in our nation. Families need to know they matter and that they aren’t just statistics. They have faces and stories. They aren’t just polling data to summarize or analyze. 

Virtually everything we do in everyday life has a new spin to it. The changes in the way we celebrate, marry and bury affect our daily living and have been glossed over. The new vocabulary words like “let’s set up a Zoom” and “socially distance” just appeared and sat down at our kitchen tables. The new protection regimens add more steps to what we do. The impact the loss of activities such as “going out for dinner”, “movie box office weekends” or “meeting for coffee” haven't been given much of a sincere nod. And I can’t even begin to discuss sports, school calendars or judging others for wearing or not wearing masks. And depending on the nature of each family, the way everyday life unfolds is different. There’s no blanket solution yet all we hear about are just that.

 

We’re missing it culturally if we can’t work together and embrace the impact COVID19 has on all our families. If the politicians only discuss Green New Deals, the economy or continue to throw dirt balls at the other party -- raise your hand if you think they care about the family? It’s an expensive waste of time and doesn’t solve anything. I’m tired of time being wasted at the expense of our tax dollars. I’m not asking for each and every possible family model be identified or given a certificate of appreciation, but I am asking for foundational recognition of what it might be like to be the people at home trying to manage their everyday lives differently. Answers may not be immediately forthcoming, but acknowledgement goes a long way to re-unifying a very un-unified nation.

 

 

Top 3 Parenting Tools for Coping With Coronavirus Impact at Home

I've been putting my master's degree in marriage and family therapy to work for 10 months now (while pursuing licensure) and the content has shifted heavily toward anxiety. I've spent the last three weeks hearing how the global reaction and coronavirus alert has impacted families logistically, emotionally and relationally. No one had much of a warning about the necessary safety responses that were put in place so rapidly. Overnight, every north American household become home-schoolers and everyday routines ground to a halt. Not only were parents forced to become their child's primary educator in an instant, they were told do to so without any opportunity to give their own input. I know of one family with children in three different school districts requiring 20 different apps in order to follow the syllabi. Another district required all of the students to log in during the same time window, thus collapsing the platform. Families have had to purchase new tablets and laptops because this is one time we can't ask our kids to share.

Children all over are missing school, and whether they know it or not, one of the main things they miss is their former routine and this will show up in different ways. It's important to remember that children under the age of 12 are still very much concrete thinkers. Abstract thinking develops throughout middle and and high school, but by no means is fully developed by graduation. As parents, if we consider what our kids are capable of before developing an expectation, we will be able to introduce a level of understanding necessary right now. Those kids acting out, speaking out or being defiant are giving us a lot of information they may not be able to articulate based on age. If you've got kiddo provoking the rest of the family, chances are they are carrying anxiety about all of the changes and unknowns. You can meet them in their anxiety by giving it a name and empathizing with them that "this is is hard". None of us like this. Once you've validated their emotion, then you can assure them. If you assure without acknowledging their emotions first, you've basically told them their feelings don't matter and they'll probably continue to act out big emotions.

Another thing to put in place is teaching our kids what we can control in this limbo-period of waiting for control to seep back in to our everyday lives. While we can't control the fact that we can't go to school or work, we can control where in the house we sit to do our work. We can control the time we do most things, as well as what we wear. We can control how we move about our day. What are we doing and when? I recommend creating an agenda with a check list each morning - list 5 items to do and check off throughout the day. This will increase a sense of accomplishment and control even if you list "brush teeth" - it's something that got done that we had control over. The structure of the agenda will be reassuring without you having said a word.

Speaking of control, we can also control what we put in our minds. What are we listening to? What are we watching? Who are we listening to? This is a good time to evaluate what social media influences you really want in your home. Research tells us that the more we think about anything, the bigger it becomes. Sitting alone in a room worrying will only make that worry more frightening. Conversely, listening to positive stories or focusing on learning something new together will use different parts of our brains and keep us feeling more regulated.

Yes, we have less control in many areas of life right now. Yes, we don't have a handbook as to how to do this. And yes, we have the resilience from within to go through this together, while apart. Stay well.