More Than One Hour Each Week

167 hours. Minus the one hour on Sunday when your kid might be in Sunday School, that's what you've got at home each week to influence your child for God. Subtracting five 8-hour school days, you're left with 127. Hopefully they sleep at least 8 hours each night, so that puts you at 87 hours. Not bad.

1 vs. 87.

If we rely only on that one hour at church each weekend to deeply impact our children, we're fooling ourselves.

Most kids are in public school and endure forty hours of influence. They are learning more than what is taught by the teacher and developing filters and assessments they wouldn't even think to articulate. They just think it is a part of going to school and doing life.

So what do we do?

We find ways to weave God's truth into everyday lives in everyday moments. We ask God to make us aware and alert, something every ancient Hebrew family knew by heart:

"Listen, O Israel! The Lord is our God, The Lord alone. And you must love The Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your strength. And you must commit yourselves wholeheartedly to these commands that I am giving you today. Repeat them again and again to your children. Talk about them when you are at home and when you are on the road, when you are going to bed and when you are getting up. Tie them to your hands and wear them on your forehead as reminders. Write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates." Deuteronomy 6:4-9.

Aiming to teach our kids that God loves us is our highest calling. Placing enough information and experience in their lives so that they decide for themselves to follow God is more important than dance lessons and soccer teams. They can always do that, but their hearts won't always be open and we can't recapture those natural, teachable moments to show our kids the power and awe and truth of God.

Not a Bible scholar? No problem. Neither were those Hebrew parents. They just taught a few verses over and over! Now we have all kinds of resources to equip us, starting with the Bible. Be assured that when Jesus said "let the little children come to me" he wasn't only talking about kids. Admit what you don't know and try your best, God always honors that. And bit by bit, you will be surprised at what you have learned and shared. A friend of mine didn't think she knew enough, either but her desire was to train her young girls. Guess what? She lead them both to accept Christ. That nervous mom trusted God to make her words make sense. Today she confidently continues to share God's truth and is growing with her kids. God loves your children more than you do, remember that.

So what are some simple teachable moments?
- Looking at the stars, tell the story of God's promise to Abraham
- Driving in the car, notice other drivers' behavior and pray for them
- Teach them to pray every time they ride their bike or use scissors
- Start and end the day with short, simple prayers
- Pray aloud for every siren you hear, for the people who need help, for safety
- Notice the details in the changing seasons and share how God has ordered the world
- When coloring, comment on the name of the color and how God made the colors
- Create a "thankful jar" and collect notes for a month, then read as a family
- While listening to the news, pause the radio or TV and pray for what is going on
- Hold the door for others, put trash in public waste cans
- Enjoy pictures of unusal creatures and talk about how God made them all - He made us!
- When correcting wrong behaviour, let them know they also need to apologize to God
- Let them see you honoring their other parent

All of these ideas are what I call "by the way" acts. You were already doing it or going there, so why not just add a sentence or a phrase about God? I like to listen to the Dr. Laura radio program in the car and I can't tell you how many great chats her calls have inspired between me and my kids. None of this requires an extra bit of schedule, just a bit of effort to stop and call attention to God in our everyday lives. Pretty soon it will be a habit and before you know it, you will have added years of meaningful influence to your child's growing soul.

Then, that one hour on Sunday is adding to the foundation you have already laid and you can partner with your children's ministry team for even greater impact.

How to Drop Off Your Child in Sunday School

I spend a lot of time in Starbucks when I am lucky. It doesn't matter what city I am in, if there is a Starbucks with seating, customers all enter the store the same way.

We have our backpack/laptop slung over one shoulder and pull the big silver bar handle open. As we step inside, we do two things. First we quickly scan the store to appraise the layout. Second, in the same glance we are also noting where we would like to sit. The seating is very important, because if all options are full we will merely stride to the counter and order. If we can see a place to park and unpack, we may even deposit our bag there en route to the counter. This manouver is particularly important in larger cities. Sometimes you even have to stand for awhile if you are determined to sit down and get some work done.

Kids do the same thing when they enter a classroom or group setting, they just don't have a laptop over their shoulder.

They stand at the entrance and wonder who is going to welcome them and if there is a comforting and secure place for them to settle in for a period of time. Depending on what they see and how they perceive it makes the difference between a positive experience and possible return.

This is essential for Sunday School classes. There must be a welcoming person at the doorway who makes eye contact and specifically welcomes little Tabitha. As she enters the room, she needs to know what is going to happen next and what is expected of her. Where should she sit or stand? What should she do? What is acceptable behaivor in this venue? If Tabitha doesn't pick up on these answers within the first 30 seconds, she is going to turn and draw into her parent's leg and whisper that she doesn't want to stay.

Kids and parents should enter the room seeing a variety of upbeat activities that give children a chance to settle in and absorb their surroundings. There should be generic floor or table games, something to do with their hands (play-doh, color), something to create with others (Jenga, marble mazes, magnets) and something to encourage conversation. Youth and adult leaders should be weaving their way around the room greeting children, introducing themselves and children to one another. Upbeat music should be playing in the background.

When it is time to start the lesson, the music should dim and the leader should step up and welcome everyone. By asking who is a first time friend, the rest of the group can say hello. By asking who has a birthday, the rest of the group gets a chance to celebrate a big deal. The leader should also give a brief outline of what will take place that hour. Kids need to know what to expect even if it is the same format and group each week. It also doesn't hurt to remind the group of a key rule (listening when leaders speak, walking vs. running, etc.).

Using this format, I have seen even the most tense kindergartner in a room with kids as old as 6th grade settle in and enjoy the experience. Parents need to be assuring and upbeat when signing in the child, and the teaching team needs to remember each child is trying to figure out if they belong.

Tip: Parents and grandparents should be prepared to nonchallantly stay with their younger children the first few times they are coming to a class that is new for them. If the parents stay, they need to model full and enthusiastic participation. By the time their child is ready to stay alone, they will remember that Dad did this too and feel more confident. When determining whether or not to stay, do not ask your child. Just observe the room and based on what you know about your child, make it casual. Same thing goes when you leave them.

You wouldn't believe how many times I've seen a parent bend down to a big-eyed child and say, "Now Isaac, Mommy is going to go into big church and you need to stay here and have fun, okay? I am leaving now. It won't be for long." ACK! All that did was amp up any caution on Isaac's part and he's ready for terror. Here's another one I see often: "You need to stay. No, you can't come with me. Now stay here. Go play. No, you stay! I told you to stay now stop it." These words are usually hissed as the parent is just about shaking their cling-on off their leg.

A top-notch teaching team knows some of these struggles and is on hand to distract and engage your child as you sign them in. "Janey, we are going to make our own hats today." You smile and say how cool that sounds and smile over your shoulder as you glide down the hall.

If that works, whatever you do when you pick your child up, do not say "now that wasn't so bad was it? Would you like to do that again?" ACK again. Simply ask what they did, affirm their experience and move on. Do this as you are picking up take-home items and putting on a coat. Don't stand there as if this is a lecture. You might say something about how glad you are that they had self control or were a good participant, but words are not always necessary. Seeing a parent calmly value their capabilities speaks volumes.

Kid Logic

When my girl was about 8, we had just settled down to watch a movie when the FBI warning scrolled across the screen. "Mom, what is that Fibble Warning for, anyway?"

"The what??"

"That - right there," she pointed to the screen. "The Fibble Warning."

I explained that it was an "i" and not an "L". F-B-I. She laughed heartily at herself and I still can't see that logo without remembering when I first heard about the Fibble Warning. In fact, that's all it really is to me now.

As long as she'd been watching videos and movies, she had seen the "warning" and then went on her way coloring, playing or watching not sure what it was for, but certain it must be important because there certainly were a lot of them.

One day a Sunday School Leader was eagerly sharing with a group of about 45 elementary kids that we are all "heirs of the King." Over and over he repeated this important message with the biggest smile. The King is God and we are his heirs! Yippie!! I was sitting in the back enjoying the class time when it occurred to me that the kids might not know what the definition of "heirs" was. I signaled the teacher. He immediately asked the class what they thought "heir" meant.

We heard answers like "Stuff you do wrong" and "Mistakes you make". Nothing even close to the real meaning! For twenty minutes they had seen their leader practically dance with excitement and thought he was excited because we are mistakes!

Of course we fixed that, pronto. But it makes me wonder how many other "definitions" are out there that kids have self-defined and perhaps don't even think about asking for help decoding? In my work with hundreds of kids over the past chunk of years, I venture to say there are a lot more unknown ones out there.

I think it's our job as parents to learn how to think like our kids. Enter in any way we can and be sure their inner dictionaries have the right definitions. Sometimes they will let us know, like the Fibble Warning, and we can explain the reality. Other times we're going to have to ask, like when the Sunday School class thought they should be excited to be "errors of the King."

Tip of the day: Answer a question with a question. "You think that is the Fibble Warning because?" Then you won't sound like an interrogator. And be sure not to have a bright ceiling light on and use your relaxed voice. After all, they didn't do anything wrong - they just didn't understand.

Teaching Children to Pray

One of the most important things we can do as adults or youth investing in the lives of children is to teach them how to pray. We are not always with them, as much as we think we are, or that they are being properly supervised. We certainly do not know how they are processing an experience. If we can teach them to talk and listen to God, they will be able to receive peace and comfort precisely when they need it.

Growing up, we recited a generationally mutilated Norwegian prayer before meals. It had gotten so mispronounced by my ancestors that by the time I was in college and some Norwegian exchange students heard us “pray”, they looked blankly at us. We had not learned to thank God for his provision and truly mean it.

On Sharing Day in Kindergarten, I brought my big teddy bear. He became my tearful comfort on the bus ride home when I failed to get off at my stop and spent hours cowering in the bus thinking I would never see my family again. How wonderful if I had already understood that I could truly talk to God and share my fears?

A few years ago I was encouraging an adult relative to pray about something. He scoffed that he didn’t bother God with small stuff. I told him I even prayed for new underwear.

The picture above is used by permission from the four Kindergarten families. The Sunday School teacher had just asked the class to pray. Look at the different responses. Just before I took the picture, the boy lifting his shirt had briefly bowed his head and then kept on moving. Four different boys, four different reactions, four different prayers – each one as valuable as the next. That’s why I treasure this picture.

We are all so different, and each one of us is cherished by God as if we were his one and only child. Our temperaments and characters matter. Our thoughts and feelings matter. When I teach children to pray, I try to communicate this. There is no one “correct” way to pray. I was once asked by a fellow Bible study participant if the prayers I prayed while driving counted – because I could not shut my eyes.

Prayer is simply talking and listening to God. For young children, they start by learning to talk. They address God, say something, then end it. I keep it very short. “Dear God, thank you for the rain, amen.” “Dear God, please help my brother, amen.” “Dear God, I love you, amen.” Amen simply means “so be it”. So kids could actually say “Dear God, thank you for loving us, so be it.”

A great thing to teach kids about praying is to pray God’s Word right back to him. That way they learn to memorize Bible verses. They can say these verses any time they want. I taught my girl to memorize verses beginning at the age of two. She could learn them faster than me! I also taught her what they meant, so she was not merely reciting words. During a traumatic divorce and under great fear while spending court-ordered time with her birth father, she recited Psalm 37:4 over and over one night until she fell asleep.

As our kids grow, they can learn the listening part of prayer. How it takes many forms. Sometimes all I can say is “God help”. They can learn to sing, write or dance their prayers and that it is all called Worship. They can learn how important it is to pray for others we don’t even know. (That will be another blog.) But for now, if they can learn some simple thank-yous and requests, they are on their way.

By modeling simple prayer, our children can learn that prayer is one way we connect with God. It is not about us. It is not about the longest words or the poetic voice. It is not a lecture. It is between us and God. It can be out loud. It can be silent. There is nothing God doesn’t want to hear about from us. If he loves every hair on our head, he cares about our underwear, too.

So be it.

"Let the little children come unto me... but don't let them take up too many seats"

It breaks my heart when I hear about church leaders who don’t want children in the service because they take up too many seats or distract by making too much noise or because they might not sit still. My heart breaks further when the reason behind it appears to be a babysitting request and has nothing to do with ministering to children and families and they think that's all that happens in children's classes. ACK!

So what is the intent of Sunday School or “Children’s Ministry”? Is it merely for the convenience of adults to dump off noisy/wiggly/bored ones so that they can focus on “big church”? Or…is it an exciting place where life-changing messages are communicated at age-appropriate levels and children are valued with a capital “V”?

The North American church needs a kid chiropractic adjustment... With fourteen years in ministry to children and families and connections with hundreds of churches, I have continually seen the struggle between management views about what should happen in “big church” and the value placed on ministry to children. Sadly, the investment in children has not always matched the emphasis on other areas. One church dumped most of its budget on adults, another on musical productions. On the other hand, I have met people who serve at churches where kids are the absolute number one focus. One church got the fire and turned several thousand people to be there just for kids 18 and under and told everyone they were there to invest in the future!

If you put a gun to my temple, I’d say that many quality leaders do not understand or appreciate what it means to truly minister to children... and therefore, their families. People worthy of respect in many areas. Recently, I saw an interview with a leader of the largest mega-church in America and he referred to everything they do as “child care”. I screamed (internally). Child care is babysitting! Even the words imply distance – nothing intentional. Church should be the last place where anyone thinks about babysitting. Shouldn't we go there and feel invested in?

When will people embrace that what happens on Sundays in kids classes is every bit as essential as what happens for adults? In kids classes, we are not merely “watching children” so that something more important can happen with the adults. We are investing in eternity and loving kids. Not one of the hundreds of volunteers that I have worked with has simply thrown some Cheerios on the table and backed off by popping in a DVD. (Yes, I was once blessed to be on staff at one church where I was privileged to have over 400 volunteers just for children. Not counting VBS, MOPS or kids clubs.)

Children’s teachers and helpers spend hours praying, studying and preparing for their one hour each week. They take their roles seriously. Our prayer is that some spark goes home that inspires families the other 167 hours of real life. A book that rocked my heart and formed my ministry philosophy is by George Barna, Transforming Children Into Spiritual Champions. Read it and be as chilled as I was to find out a child’s entire spiritual life foundation is formed by age 9. Barna encourages all churches to emphasize ministry to children as the foundation for what happens next.

Just the other day, I received an e-mail from a concerned kindergarten teacher who wanted to be sure that she taught a lesson on faith in a way that would not impair her class’s understanding of how God moves. She did not want one child thinking that if they prayed to heal Grandma and Grandma did not get well that faith was not real... much less God.

YES, big topics are being covered at very young ages by adults and youth who love kids. What goes on in kids classes down the hall is not known by the greeters, adult leaders or even those sitting in the chairs. But they should know. Even if they don’t have kids, or don’t have kids Sunday-school ages.

One of the best ways to grow closer to God is to teach a kid’s class. The materials equip the leaders, and in so doing, bless and infuse them. I have never heard an adult or youth leader tell me that by teaching kids, they felt weaker in their faith. Rather, people have come to me overcome by what they did not know and what they learned, and how God blessed them with the kids.

No wonder Jesus told His followers to value kids...and be like them...

Amen!