Have you ever been standing next to an acquaintance chatting when someone walks up and starts talking about the thing they are going to do and you realize you are not invited? Either that, or they start talking about the other thing from last night and once again you realize you weren't there...because you weren't invited?
Most schools have a wonderful policy about sending birthday party invitations to school. They tell you that unless everyone is invited, please do not use the classroom as a distribution center. Too bad there is no way to enforce this!
When our son was in kindergarten, one mid-December day he spent the entire ride home wondering why he saw Bobby passing out party invitations to most of the boys in class, just not him. Mind you, at this point we were dealing with a boatload of his ADHD stuff. That being said, our son was kind hearted and well meaning. Just not understood well outside our family at the time.
As a fierce Mommie, hearing that our son had been hurt stabbed my heart. How could another parent be so callous? These are Kindergarteners! As our son asked and chatted as much as a child that age could do, I realized how much he had been hurt. He usually cared more about the snack in the car or listening to his music. I had to pay attention, and I did.
Carefully, I let our boy know that what happened was not fair. It was sad that Bobby's parents sent the invitations to school where uninvited kids could see them being passed out. The rule was that you only did that if everyone was included. Otherwise you mailed them out. Why wasn't he included? We don't know, but it is hurtful. I told him I was sorry that he wasn't invited, especially because he thought the birthday boy was his friend.
After a few more "reflective commiserations", I asked what he would do if he was having a party.
"I'd invite everyone who wasn't invited to the other party," came his stoic reply.
If only every parent would teach their kid this lesson! It happens all the time. But when it does I take that moment (like you did) to teach my child to be sensitive and considerate of what others may be feeling. It teaches them to think before speaking and role reversal. Learning how to put yourself in another person's shoes is a valuable life lesson.
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