I spend a lot of time in Starbucks when I am lucky. It doesn't matter what city I am in, if there is a Starbucks with seating, customers all enter the store the same way.
We have our backpack/laptop slung over one shoulder and pull the big silver bar handle open. As we step inside, we do two things. First we quickly scan the store to appraise the layout. Second, in the same glance we are also noting where we would like to sit. The seating is very important, because if all options are full we will merely stride to the counter and order. If we can see a place to park and unpack, we may even deposit our bag there en route to the counter. This manouver is particularly important in larger cities. Sometimes you even have to stand for awhile if you are determined to sit down and get some work done.
Kids do the same thing when they enter a classroom or group setting, they just don't have a laptop over their shoulder.
They stand at the entrance and wonder who is going to welcome them and if there is a comforting and secure place for them to settle in for a period of time. Depending on what they see and how they perceive it makes the difference between a positive experience and possible return.
This is essential for Sunday School classes. There must be a welcoming person at the doorway who makes eye contact and specifically welcomes little Tabitha. As she enters the room, she needs to know what is going to happen next and what is expected of her. Where should she sit or stand? What should she do? What is acceptable behaivor in this venue? If Tabitha doesn't pick up on these answers within the first 30 seconds, she is going to turn and draw into her parent's leg and whisper that she doesn't want to stay.
Kids and parents should enter the room seeing a variety of upbeat activities that give children a chance to settle in and absorb their surroundings. There should be generic floor or table games, something to do with their hands (play-doh, color), something to create with others (Jenga, marble mazes, magnets) and something to encourage conversation. Youth and adult leaders should be weaving their way around the room greeting children, introducing themselves and children to one another. Upbeat music should be playing in the background.
When it is time to start the lesson, the music should dim and the leader should step up and welcome everyone. By asking who is a first time friend, the rest of the group can say hello. By asking who has a birthday, the rest of the group gets a chance to celebrate a big deal. The leader should also give a brief outline of what will take place that hour. Kids need to know what to expect even if it is the same format and group each week. It also doesn't hurt to remind the group of a key rule (listening when leaders speak, walking vs. running, etc.).
Using this format, I have seen even the most tense kindergartner in a room with kids as old as 6th grade settle in and enjoy the experience. Parents need to be assuring and upbeat when signing in the child, and the teaching team needs to remember each child is trying to figure out if they belong.
Tip: Parents and grandparents should be prepared to nonchallantly stay with their younger children the first few times they are coming to a class that is new for them. If the parents stay, they need to model full and enthusiastic participation. By the time their child is ready to stay alone, they will remember that Dad did this too and feel more confident. When determining whether or not to stay, do not ask your child. Just observe the room and based on what you know about your child, make it casual. Same thing goes when you leave them.
You wouldn't believe how many times I've seen a parent bend down to a big-eyed child and say, "Now Isaac, Mommy is going to go into big church and you need to stay here and have fun, okay? I am leaving now. It won't be for long." ACK! All that did was amp up any caution on Isaac's part and he's ready for terror. Here's another one I see often: "You need to stay. No, you can't come with me. Now stay here. Go play. No, you stay! I told you to stay now stop it." These words are usually hissed as the parent is just about shaking their cling-on off their leg.
A top-notch teaching team knows some of these struggles and is on hand to distract and engage your child as you sign them in. "Janey, we are going to make our own hats today." You smile and say how cool that sounds and smile over your shoulder as you glide down the hall.
If that works, whatever you do when you pick your child up, do not say "now that wasn't so bad was it? Would you like to do that again?" ACK again. Simply ask what they did, affirm their experience and move on. Do this as you are picking up take-home items and putting on a coat. Don't stand there as if this is a lecture. You might say something about how glad you are that they had self control or were a good participant, but words are not always necessary. Seeing a parent calmly value their capabilities speaks volumes.
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