Lunch With a Drill Sergeant

It's just a couple days before Christmas and I stopped to pick up some stocking stuffferes and meet a friend for a mocha. Thank you, Target for having Starbucks. I am not a fan of having to share the cafe with all the pizza from the food area but this will do in a pinch.

I picked a table off to the side and manoevered my cart through empty, salty tables. Just as I sat down, five little kids clad in warm winter wear clamored their way near my table. "Let's get this one!" cried the oldest (all of maybe seven). The others followed his lead, dragging chairs and settling in behind me til the dad appeared.

Apparently they are waiting for some hot food to be prepared to complete the meal and he only brought their sodas. "Don't throw it on the floor!" Scolded dad.

Scuffling chair scraping.

"I spilled my pop. I spilled my pop. I spilled my pop." Chirped a little one while dad was giving seating directions.

"Where is our food???" "We just ordered, they're making it."

"Sit on your butt."

"Butt, butt."

"Stop it."

"Take your jacket off."

"Stop it."

"You eat your sauce."

"Don't touch."

"Chew it."

"Be nice."

When dad left them again presumabley to get the food, an arguement erupted as the same brother told to be nice began ordering a little sister to "get off my world" over and over. "No! No!"shrieked little sister as she clenched a handheld game. "Get OFF my world!"

Dad came back and began to negotiate. "Stop talking or I'll put you bed. How bout this? She's not in your world." His was not confident and by his tone you could tell he cajoled often. When the kids disagreed with his world-deal, he began, "honey, honey" trying to quell emotions.

The rest of their meal was accompanied by kid whines and more parental pleads.

Across the seating area at the counter in front of me I hear:

"I don't know, I just know I didn't do it." Giggled another child sitting next to her father.  He only had three kids with him and was laid-back and grinning. I watched him tenderly sweep hair off the face of one of his girls and tell them what they were going to go get mom after this. He followed by asking open questions that all three piped up to answer. They were conversing. Not once did he 'have' to tell his wigglers to do a thing. Yes they were spinning on the stools as they ate, but wouldn't you if you were eight? They statyed put and were fully engaged with their father.

Okay, so the gang of five had more little people but this illustrates two parenting extremes. (Right next to my quiet table.) One parent reacted and lacked authority in his kids' eyes. The other parent guided the activity and had full authority. His used his position confidently but loosely. The other one merely threw out commands hoping they'd stick. The kids at his table were not having fun, they were merely being herded. The other kids were giggling and enjoying some time with dad.

Two fathers. Two extremes. Which one's kids are going to have a fond memory about the day they went Christmas shopping with dad and stopped for lunch?

A Box of Rocks

When I was in second grade, school budgets included teaching the arts. We had a music teacher who came into our class several times each week in order to teach us music fundamentals. Something North American children born in the past 30 years would know nothing about.

One week our musically trained teacher was teaching our class about rhythm. She toted in a crate of beautiful tambourines - enough for just about every one of the 28 kids in the room. She began passing out the tambourines, and each recipient marveled at the shiny metal clapper things and the taut drum-like surface. I remember eagerly waiting at my desk to receive the one for me. I must have been sitting off to the side, because shortly before she reached me, the music teacher informed the class that there weren't quite enough for everyone. Some of us would be using an alternative, but that would work just as well.

The remaining 3 second graders - me included - were given empty individual milk cartons taped shut with rocks inside. You can imagine our disappointment and no, the clunking rocks in the wax cartons sounded nothing like the glorious tinkles made by the 25 nice and new tambourines. All three of us frowned and barely jiggled our milk cartons during the lesson. Our regular teacher rose from her desk and scolded us for not being better participants. The other 25 kids snickered at us.

That was my music introduction as a young child. While it certainly wasn't fun, I went on to become an average flute and piccolo player for awhile. Don't ask me about guitar.

Fast forward to when I became a mom.

I wanted each of my kids to have a better experience early on so I signed them up for the church Christmas musical and/or the school's Christmas performance. They were taught by people enthusiastic about music and children. They learned to sing, be part of a group, rehearse and perform. They each only did it for a couple of years and by the time they were the age when I got that magical box of rocks, their interest had waned. They had fun rehearsing in the car and with the group, and those songs "got stuck" in their heads.

The other day I had the good fortune to attend a children's Christmas concert at a large church. The kids were in several choirs and interchanged on the stage for an hour. There was even a hand bell choir - I'd never heard one of those before but I know handbells are difficult to play. Video screens allowed the audience to see close-ups of bright eyes, sweet lips, chubby cheeks and noses getting picked. We saw fidgeters, big hair bows and special Christmas attire. The children were between age 4 and 10. None of them were mine or even friends' of mine. They were just sweet, innocent and trusting. It was wonderful to both watch and listen... and wonder about their futures. I teared up as I always do when I see groups of kids earnestly performing and said silent prayers for blessings for their futures.

Every young child should participate in at least one Christmas concert. Even if they are less than musically inclined, they can enjoy their contributions as well as the music. They can create memories not only for themselves, but for their friends and family members tapping away on their smart phones to capture the moments.

As I sat admiring this group of scrubbed, shiny-cheeked youngsters, I thought back on my two babies and how many times we heard each song as they practiced. I remembered my delight in purchasing a new Christmas outfit and giggling from the audience when they were off on gestures or lost attention. My girl at age 3 was reaching her little arms to the sky as an angel when she noticed the sparkly polish on her fingernails and became mesmerized. She turned to the little girl next to her and they both forgot about the performance and marveled at those fingernails. It cracked the entire audience up and made the event even more special for everyone. I will always treasure that moment in my heart. It passed all too quickly.

There were many other children in the audience enjoying the performance, including toddlers who were spellbound every time the music started up. Music reaches deep within each one of us and touches our hearts. How wonderful to have uplifting music flowing through our memories. In today's fast-paced, technologically-driven world, a bit of exposure to tradition goes a long way.

I Didn't Know It Would Be The Last Time

A collection of thoughts from a mother in the throes of realizing that when her youngest goes to boot camp before his senior year in high school, a whole new phase has already begun. 17 years went by far too fast.

My Son, I didn't know it would be the last time that:

-  We'd go to Starbucks and review homework while homeschooling (and you'd be more interested in the light shorting out than a history lesson)

-  You'd beg me for a second ride on the toy airplane ride mounted outside Wal Mart that wiggles for 3 minutes when you put two quarters in the slot

-  The lobster tank in the grocery meat department would fascinate you (and I'd have to pry you away)

-  You would call me Mommie

-  You slipped your hand in mine as we walked through a parking lot

-  Getting tucked in was part of your night time routine

-  You climbed on my lap and held on to the bend of my elbow for comfort

-  We bartered about the number of  items you could pick out while grocery shopping with me

-  You would play with your Legos and Bionicles

-  We couldn't leave Target without a visit to the Toy Department

- You would would be mesmerized by an outdoor fountain and stomp around through the spray

- I had to make you take a shower

- I would find a bouncy ball, small car and a rock in your pants pocket

- You would ask for yet another stretchy rubbery animal

- You would find my stapler and pound away on Post-It notes until it jammed or ran out

- You would have to sit in the back seat

- I would walk you through the parking lot and tell you to watch for cars

- You would be eager to take something apart (#gasgrill)

- Climbing a tree was your day's mission

- We had a thoughtful discussion about what you would bring for Show & Tell (I loved that you told a joke one time in first grade - "Mom, it's show and tell!!")

- The Scooby Do pillow would be on your bed

- You would ask if someone could "come over and play"


As you are learning this summer - it's the small things that make precious memories from home. These are some of the moments etched on my heart. I am so excited for what comes next and all the "firsts" just waiting for you. And for me. You've had about 100 in the past 7 weeks, and I love that the first time you got comedian Steven Wright's humor was in 7th grade!

Moody Blues Clues

Ever get a song "stuck in your head"? You know, where it plays over and over whether you want it to or not? Or, have you been driving and the radio plays a song from 7th grade and you remember the entire scene as if it were unfolding fresh today?

A few years ago while on church staff, a team of adults took half the children's choir to a local senior citizen's care facility to sing Christmas carols. We arrived at the appointed time and were shown the lounge where the children would sing. Then we waited as several dozen medium care seniors were wheeled in, one by one. Some sat upright and alert with tubes attached. Some were slumped over and appeared asleep with tubes attached. Some were clearly bewildered. Every eye looked tired and their frames were withered and weathered.

Watching the seniors being wheeled into a semi-circle and having their tubes and bags adjusted by dutiful aides, my heart ached for them. Most of them seemed quite out of it. A few of them brightened at the sight of the younger kids. I wondered if this was going to mean anything to the seniors and how the kids would react to such a non-traditional audience. I prayed we would be a blessing in some way.

We opened with a song or two from our recent Christmas musical. The kids sang well considering we had no music. Some seniors smiled, most remained unaffected.

Then our parent leader had us sing some classic Christmas carols that had not been part of the musical but are ones that everybody knows. As soon as we began "Away in a Manger" everything changed and a new energy entered the room. Every senior began to sing along with us, their faces lit up and their eyes bright. We kept going with "Jingle Bells", "Deck the Halls" and more. Each song brought out their thin voices and bright smiles all around. The children sensed what had happened, too. It was a memorable hour for all.

That day I learned how powerful words set to music really are, and how they lock themselves within us forever. We might not remember that we remember, but once reminded, all the verses will flow like the song on the radio you haven't heard in forever but can sing right along with. And some songs can bring life and peace into a tired and weary existence. Wow.

What if we sang more character-building messages than we spoke? What if we sang words of comfort and Bible verses? I believe they will come back and bless our children in their futures when least expected. As much as I like old Beatles music, I would much rather a worship song is on the tip of their memory because of what the those words can do.

I once had a tape with old nursery rhyme melodies set to Christian songs for my kids. It's a start. But maybe even "She Loves You Yeah Yeah Yeah" can be a comfort too? They sang it with mommy and daddy after all.

When our son was 4 years old, he heard us cranking up our Moody Blues CD in the living room. We had recently heard them in concert and I had more than enjoyed being the youngest person by far in the audience. He ran into his bedroom and came out ready to dance with us wearing his Blues Clues Halloween costume! Every time I hear "I Know You're Out There Somewhere", I remember that precious night with our earnest little boy.

Memory Markers

The Bible is full of references to markers that have been put in place so that all who pass by in the future will think about and honor what God had done in that special spot. This is a picture of Jacob's well where Jesus met the infamous "woman at the well". How significant that that encounter took place at such a memory-filled location so important in the Old Testament.

This gets me thinking. What if we do something like that within our own families? What if we mark events or dates and celebrate its wonder as a family? What a way to cement us together as the team you never get traded from!


Here are some things we have either celebrated or know people who have:

- Missing front teeth
- New Year's Eve as a family reviewing the year in pictures
- The First day of school (ice cream?)
- Turning 13 with a purity weekend away spent with a parent
- Learning to ride a bike (or skate, or climb, etc.)
- Learning a new skill (cooking, woodworking, etc.)
- Helping in the community as a family
- Teaching a pet to master a new trick
- Donating outgrown toys
- Starting high school
- Make annual birthday movies adding to them each year
- Paint a family mural
- Start a new family holiday tradition

The ideas are endless. The idea is that as you gather to remember and celebrate, you reinforce your family and pause to reflect on how God has been with you. The more you celebrate, the more opportunities you will have to delight in what God has done - both big and small. Talk about a living legacy!