The Real Missing Piece

One of my favorite children's books is by Shel Silverstein, called The Missing Piece. It's the story of an almost-circle traveling around looking for a pie-shaped wedge that will complete him. 

There are many ways to interpret this analogy, but have you thought about it like this?

Ever heard the saying that there is a space within the soul of every child that only God can fill? While they are young, that space is open and kids are most receptive to learn about him. As they grow, the space shrinks and they lose the innocent trust that was once waiting within. Statistics tell us that the chance of a child developing a faith relationship with Christ reduces by huge percentages by the time they graduate high school. 

In fact, the magic number is closer to nine years of age. Those first nine years lay the foundation for how a child interprets faith the rest of his life. It doesn't mean they can't have a relationship, it just tells us how they will understand it. Statistician George Barna outlines the need for families and churches to value those early years with solid teaching in his book, Raising Spiritual Champions. I recommend that every parent, pastor and Sunday School teacher read this and take heed. Capitalize, if you will, on the openness of those first nine years.

The other day I was working with a six-year-old little boy and his mother. He has several behavioral learning disabilities and is smart as a whip. Because of his behavior, he spent most of kindergarten in the "lockout room" removed from the rest of his class. Now he's in first grade in a special school for "those kind of kids". I work with him on his self-control and encourage him in social skills. He is doing great. He has demonstrated a strong singing voice but when I suggested to his mom that she sign him up for a church kids choir, she shook her head and told me they don't "do church". Back to the other day. He had just completed his  "All About Me Poster" and we were all talking. As we talked, he embellished his poster.

I noticed that he was making what looked like the capital letter "T" (his penmanship is a bit rough) but actually looked more like crosses. Nonchalantly, I tapped his poster and said "what are those?" He paused and soberly looked up at me and said "Those are crosses. Don't you know? The guy who died on the cross?!" He couldn't believe I hadn't heard. Goosebumps ran up and down my arms. God was at work in this little guy's heart and he was taking in whatever he could get. This little fellow just needs his missing piece.

Casually, I told the mom about my theory of the missing piece and this time she listened. She wanted to go to a "cool church" so I told her just the one to try that is for people who "don't do church". There's even a slide in the kids area. Guess what? She was intrigued!

Every child has a place within just waiting to be filled by Christ. As parents, it is our primary responsibility to see that it is. Smart churches have the staff and programming in place not only to teach the kids, but coach the parents, too. I cannot count how many parents have told me they feel inadequate to teach their children about God. My response is always the same. "Perfect!"

Say what?! That's just where God wants each of us. Open and teachable. That's why churches exist - to equip us on our journeys - so that we in turn can impact others. Learn right along with your kids if you are new to all of this - that's what many parents I've worked with have done. A lot of them sign up to help in a Sunday School class because they are learning as they prepare as well as when they spend time with the kids. If you have never stepped inside a kids class on a Sunday, try it. You will be amazed at what they say and what they ask. At every age.

The point is to be intentional with the spiritual teaching your children are getting. They need to know what it means that God loves them and how it came to be that they can have a relationship with him because of his son Jesus Christ. It is the most important teaching they will ever get and it is on-going. The sooner they begin learning this, the stronger they will be as they navigate the challenges of growing up. A good church can help you guide your child to find her "missing piece" and help you help them grow.

Moody Blues Clues

Ever get a song "stuck in your head"? You know, where it plays over and over whether you want it to or not? Or, have you been driving and the radio plays a song from 7th grade and you remember the entire scene as if it were unfolding fresh today?

A few years ago while on church staff, a team of adults took half the children's choir to a local senior citizen's care facility to sing Christmas carols. We arrived at the appointed time and were shown the lounge where the children would sing. Then we waited as several dozen medium care seniors were wheeled in, one by one. Some sat upright and alert with tubes attached. Some were slumped over and appeared asleep with tubes attached. Some were clearly bewildered. Every eye looked tired and their frames were withered and weathered.

Watching the seniors being wheeled into a semi-circle and having their tubes and bags adjusted by dutiful aides, my heart ached for them. Most of them seemed quite out of it. A few of them brightened at the sight of the younger kids. I wondered if this was going to mean anything to the seniors and how the kids would react to such a non-traditional audience. I prayed we would be a blessing in some way.

We opened with a song or two from our recent Christmas musical. The kids sang well considering we had no music. Some seniors smiled, most remained unaffected.

Then our parent leader had us sing some classic Christmas carols that had not been part of the musical but are ones that everybody knows. As soon as we began "Away in a Manger" everything changed and a new energy entered the room. Every senior began to sing along with us, their faces lit up and their eyes bright. We kept going with "Jingle Bells", "Deck the Halls" and more. Each song brought out their thin voices and bright smiles all around. The children sensed what had happened, too. It was a memorable hour for all.

That day I learned how powerful words set to music really are, and how they lock themselves within us forever. We might not remember that we remember, but once reminded, all the verses will flow like the song on the radio you haven't heard in forever but can sing right along with. And some songs can bring life and peace into a tired and weary existence. Wow.

What if we sang more character-building messages than we spoke? What if we sang words of comfort and Bible verses? I believe they will come back and bless our children in their futures when least expected. As much as I like old Beatles music, I would much rather a worship song is on the tip of their memory because of what the those words can do.

I once had a tape with old nursery rhyme melodies set to Christian songs for my kids. It's a start. But maybe even "She Loves You Yeah Yeah Yeah" can be a comfort too? They sang it with mommy and daddy after all.

When our son was 4 years old, he heard us cranking up our Moody Blues CD in the living room. We had recently heard them in concert and I had more than enjoyed being the youngest person by far in the audience. He ran into his bedroom and came out ready to dance with us wearing his Blues Clues Halloween costume! Every time I hear "I Know You're Out There Somewhere", I remember that precious night with our earnest little boy.

The Most Important Thing Parents Can Do

A few weeks ago I was on a long drive home and listening to Dr. Laura, my favorite radio shrink. I like to listen to the caller and prescribe advice and see if I match the good doctor. That day I was right and she was partially right.

Dr. Laura asked the listeners to answer this question: "What is the most important thing contributing to a child's life?" Her answer: An in tact family that eats dinner together. My answer: A family that bases their life on God AND spends time together.

Dr. Laura nails it when she prescribes time around the table sharing a meal and having natural conversations. Connecting as a family after spending time apart, fueling our bodies and being affirmed that we matter is bonding. However, if that is all we do to bond, we are missing the foundation. Don't we want our children to know
why we care to be together? Why family is important? Why we desire a certain outcome for their lives?

The dinner table is but a means to invest in our family. There are many methods, but only one main reason. That reason is to ensure our children know who God is and that God has provided a purpose for their lives beyond themselves. If we merely focus on ego-building dinners, our kids will get the mistaken idea that they are the stars of their lives. If we add more than esteem and expose them to God's Word and fun ways to understand him, we will launch well-grounded young adults who will see beyond themselves. That's been my goal as a parent.

What are some ways besides dinner to bond and coach our kids on a faith journey? There are great videos out there that dramatize stories from the Bible that can be played in clips and used as discussion-launchers. A new series that is one of the best I've seen is The Bible, produced by Mark Burnett and Roma Downy. Kids 5 and up can see this in small doses. Another thing to do is to attend dramas or presentations targeting children and bringing Bible teaching to them. One of my favorites is one a colleague of mine presents on the Seder. You could even reenact stories as a family. There are also Bible story books and CDs designed to tell God's story in contemporary language you could listen to or read as a family. Not only that, check out some family Bible trivia games. Volunteering as a family is a huge way for kids to experience personal contributions to others.

Something we do as a part of daily life is to observe what is happening in nature and our community and link it back to God. We also pray for situations we hear and see in the media. I have taught my kids that when we pray for the ambulance we hear, we may be the only person praying for that situation. Several years ago after praying for the sirens near my house, I later learned that one of my best friends had been in a near fatal car accident.

The main thing is to tailor your coaching to your family's style and the personalities and ages of your kids. Keep it fresh, keep it short, keep it constant. Your family is the only team your child will always belong to and loved unconditionally. Celebrate this daily!