Pick Your Expert Carefully

One of the cable news networks was doing a piece about a mom who contacted the FCC because ABC ran an ad for one of their steamy nighttime shows during Good Morning America. She was eating breakfast with her 8-year-old son when the ad appeared - a naked man and woman rather busy in bed. She thought this had no place being aired when young children could see it.

So the host brought in three people to discuss this. One was a parenting blogger, one was a a child psychologist and family therapist and the other was a "parenting expert". The first two descriptions pretty much tell me about their qualifications, but the third one? We were not told what made that woman an "expert". But she does have a website.

Let me tell you what the Expert said. Unlike her fellow panelists, she thought it was perfectly fine for a child to see nudity any time of the day or night. After all, they were doing what their parents do anyway and other cultures let their children see things like this.

When the others protested saying they did not want images thrust upon their children that they could not control or limit, the Expert came back saying that violence was far worse than that. Then she shared statistics about media violence. The two others brought the conversation back on topic. The Psychologist  said that developmentally a child that age is not ready for images about the body in that manner, and that viewing them could even be frightening. The Blogger said we cannot take back images once our children see them.

The Expert insisted that there were far worse things than this and that it was perfectly fine.

This interaction demonstrates the often repeated saying that there is a statistic to back up everything - any which way. But we can be smarter than that. We don't need to go looking for some fact to back up what we think. We can think what we do, period. Some times, we might be the only one in the crowd taking a stand. I sure know what that feels like. Other times, we may have some company. Either way, we are standing up for what we believe is in the best interest of our children.

Sometimes with further information, we may change our minds. I've done that. A fierce "no" has become an "okay" instead. When that is the case, I explain why I updated my thinking. Then my children learn that I am learning, too. The same is true when I have had to revoke a permission. "I know we had told you that it would be okay to ______, but here is some information that now has me concerned:________."  All is presented calmly and clearly. They know I am placing their best interests first.

The one thing I won't do is do what an expert says just because they say it. I evaluate it within the framework established for my family and check their philosophy. Sometimes I completely disagree with a philosophy but there is a really good nugget I can use. So I use the nugget.

But this time, there wasn't anything I could use from that expert. In my humble opinion, it is not society's job to decide when and what my child sees or experiences. That's my job.

P.S. The show in the ad is described by ABC as "more than just your normal story of infidelity".

The World's Most Important Baby

Last week a baby boy with arguably the largest security team ever was born to Britain's Royal Couple. His birth, gender and name had been highly anticipated and diligently chronicled by the entire world. Imagine that? The entire world knows you are going to have a baby and has some level of interest!

This story is born out of the tragedy the young father suffered when his mother was killed before our eyes in a horrific car accident. His parents had divorced and had not even married out of love. 31 years later from the day that awkward young princess stood on the same hospital steps with her newborn son, this man stood lovingly with his arm tenderly guiding the wife he loved and his own new son. The facial expressions couldn't be more telling - or different. Things will be different this time. This child will still of course be in line to the throne, but his parents will be on the same page and he will be surrounded by their mutual love for one another in addition to their love for him.

Don't we like to hear stories where tragedy turns to triumph? This is such a story and it gives us hope as we watch this couple share their joy.

I think God lights off fireworks and holds parades for each newborn on earth - we just can't see it the way he does. Each new birth is the beginning of a new story in the lives of the people connected. It is fresh and pure and if need be, can be a break from the old. Each baby is the most important baby in the world, we just don't have the same jewels or palaces.

When we are blessed to influence a brand-new life, we can let go of old ghosts. How many people tell you something had been done way back to bitter old great grandma and they shrug? They think that is the way is has to be because that is the way it has always been. Ah, but we have the power with God's help to do something about that. I come from a long line of grudge-holders, but that stopped with me when I learned that it is God's job to handle that. Just because your entire family line has never played the piano doesn't mean you can't. We don't need to blame our circumstances or character on anything or anyone in the past.  We can move forward.

This royal baby reminds me of how eager we are to hear something positive and happy. But we can all have this thrill in our own lives, too. Just close your eyes and imagine the fountains and bugles God has set before you as he rejoices in you!

What Mom Doesn't Work?

A hot news topic the past few days is the charge that stay-at-home mom Ann Romney "has never worked a day in her life." The message implied was that Ann could thus not have any meaningful input about what is happening economically because she hadn't really done much with her life. The media has jumped on this and all sorts of facts, figures and responses are popping up everywhere.

I am happy that a passing comment has generated so much publicity about motherhood and is bringing attention to both stay-at-home moms and those moms who work outside the home. This is great fodder for a fun discussion over your favorite Starbucks coffee.

For years, conflicting messages have been presented in our North American culture. Throw some church viewpoints in there and it is either a sin for a mom to work outside the home or that moms who do not work outside the home are somehow lesser than those out there "using their brains".

While I was growing up, my mother did not work outside the home. But she was the family project manager, gourmet chef, counselor, girl friend to my father, volunteer, hostess, financier, decorator and friend. She spent hours every day after school assisting my younger brother with his school work and volunteered in the school library. My mom was a vital woman who enjoyed a full life and became a painter and artist. When I was in high school, she began a second career in real estate before anyone's mom was doing it. When I was in college, the "phase II" of her life with grown kids was cut short when she died of cancer.

I have been both a stay-at-home mama and a working mama. When my daughter was young, I had to work and it was very painful to leave her at daycare. I would skip lunch in order to get to her as soon as possible and spend the rest of the evening with my precious lamb. At one point I was able to rearrange my work schedule to get home right when the bus dropped her off at 3:10. For people who know that I am not a morning fan at all, they will gulp to learn I got up at 5:30 every day for her.

When our son was just 18 months old, I became a children's pastor out of passion for children and families. This isn't a job, it is an extension of my soul... but it does mean I was still a working mother. I have been blessed to serve at churches under senior leadership that has allowed me to organize my work schedule around my family. This has allowed me to be there first for my family and be the best children's pastor possible. We have been fortunate that I have had a position and the support that has allowed me to do what I love while loving and being there for my family. When our now nine-foot-tall son was just a preschooler, he used to refer to my office at church as "our office". Ohhh did that make my heart sing and affirmed that he knew his place in my life!

Every stay-at-home mother I have ever had the privilege to know has my complete admiration. Many of them have temporarily retired from high powered positions. All of them dive into their family life with high energy. They work hard to make sure to provide multitudes of experiences and learning opportunities for their children. Some of these moms are also the educators of their kids. Some of these moms send their kids to school. Either way, they all ensure that their children understand what was taught each day. They are creative, on-going learners who are the rudders of their families.

I have been meeting more and more moms who have developed side jobs or hobbies that have become a source of income, all while putting their families first. That means they get less sleep in order to do this after the kids go to bed, or play tag team if there's a dad around to be sure one parent is always there for the kids.

The working moms I have met that do not have the flexibility in the schedules that I have had and are gone during traditional business hours each day really have it tough. That's my humble opinion. They have to look professional earlier in the day while toting kid gear and kids to an early morning daycare, head off to work where they need to focus for x number of consecutive hours. Before they can go straight home, often they are also the parent who picks up the kids from daycare/after school programs. When they come home for the night, they are still needed and responsible for nurturing and encouraging their families.

There is not one woman I have ever met who is "less than" or "more than" any other woman because she does or does not work outside the home. Mothers are awesome! You don't need a paying job to be valued or have important input and insights. And, I'll just throw in there not to compare education or position. A mom is a mom. Yes, at first it may be intimidating to find out the mom sitting next to you is head of the state bar association, or has a Ph. D, but you know what? We are all just humans...and fellow moms. I bet Ann Romney has her finger on the pulse of her areas of expertise just like any other stay-at-home mom. She is worth a listen, just like every mom.