In Praise of Doulas

One of my favorite TV series is Gilmore Girls. It's a fast-talking drama about a single parent mom who raises her teen through college. We get to know the entire fictional town and all its characters over the seven seasons. It is well-acted and Carole King even sings the theme song. A few episodes focused on Liz having a baby with her new husband TJ. Liz was the sister of Luke, the hot owner of the local diner. She married a man short on intellect but long on patience and love and was blind to his faults. When the baby was born, she agreed to name her Doula, after their birthing coach.

Before I get to my point, I must share that this story reminds me of how my Norwegian grandmother got her name. Her sisters were Thora, Berghold, Astrid and Margaret. Her full name was Nanny Arvilda Larsen. She was born second from the last at time when their mother was sewing for an upper crust family in Norway. Her employers had a nanny for their children.

Back to doulas. When the Gilmore Girl episode ran, I had to Google the word. That's when I learned that these are amazing women trained to coach a pregnant woman through her childbirth experience. She is the advocate for the mother in labor and works in connection with the OB and nurses. Her role is to represent and speak on behalf of the mom and give voice to her needs and concerns. Doulas are even covered by insurance so I am surprised that every mother-to-be doesn't take advantage of this opportunity.

A few years later, I met my daughter's mother-in-law who has been a childbirth educator all over the world for years. She has an R.N. and trains doulas. I have learned even more about the benefit and blessing of having someone who is totally on your side there all along. They won't let you get bullied into tests or procedures that are not necessary and stand for the healthy delivery of your baby. Many doulas are also nurses.

Doulas enable the focus of the birth to be on the baby and is a reassuring voice even afterward when breastfeeding is introduced. They are excellent resources and passionate about pregnancy, birth and breastfeeding.

Had I known about doulas when I had my babies, I know I wouldn't have gotten lost in what the nurses and doctors insisted they do. I know someone would have believed how I felt and I know I would not have been induced and left in a mess with some drugs that didn't do what was promised. I would have been valued, and so would my babies. And I know I would have been set up for success right away.

Thank you to every doula out there! You are making a difference in this world and are a tremendous blessing!

The World's Most Important Baby

Last week a baby boy with arguably the largest security team ever was born to Britain's Royal Couple. His birth, gender and name had been highly anticipated and diligently chronicled by the entire world. Imagine that? The entire world knows you are going to have a baby and has some level of interest!

This story is born out of the tragedy the young father suffered when his mother was killed before our eyes in a horrific car accident. His parents had divorced and had not even married out of love. 31 years later from the day that awkward young princess stood on the same hospital steps with her newborn son, this man stood lovingly with his arm tenderly guiding the wife he loved and his own new son. The facial expressions couldn't be more telling - or different. Things will be different this time. This child will still of course be in line to the throne, but his parents will be on the same page and he will be surrounded by their mutual love for one another in addition to their love for him.

Don't we like to hear stories where tragedy turns to triumph? This is such a story and it gives us hope as we watch this couple share their joy.

I think God lights off fireworks and holds parades for each newborn on earth - we just can't see it the way he does. Each new birth is the beginning of a new story in the lives of the people connected. It is fresh and pure and if need be, can be a break from the old. Each baby is the most important baby in the world, we just don't have the same jewels or palaces.

When we are blessed to influence a brand-new life, we can let go of old ghosts. How many people tell you something had been done way back to bitter old great grandma and they shrug? They think that is the way is has to be because that is the way it has always been. Ah, but we have the power with God's help to do something about that. I come from a long line of grudge-holders, but that stopped with me when I learned that it is God's job to handle that. Just because your entire family line has never played the piano doesn't mean you can't. We don't need to blame our circumstances or character on anything or anyone in the past.  We can move forward.

This royal baby reminds me of how eager we are to hear something positive and happy. But we can all have this thrill in our own lives, too. Just close your eyes and imagine the fountains and bugles God has set before you as he rejoices in you!

The Day That Changes Everything

Yesterday we got the wonderful news that our daughter's BFF from high school safely delivered her first baby - a beautiful, cuddly baby boy. She posted on FB that he looked just like his papa (he does) and that "mama is in loooooooove." I've been praying for them during the pregnancy and finding out that he's here on the outside got me eagerly thinking about her new life. At 4:11 a.m. yesterday, everything changed for her.

Today is the celebration of the day that changed everything for me. At 8:40 a.m. on June 3, 1985 my daughter was born. In just a few minutes (she came via C-section), I went from mother-to-be to mother. After finding out she had all her fingers and toes, I just lay there crying quietly in greatful awe. She had made me a mother. I was someone's mother! I had a baby - a baby!! A sense of wonder and peace washed over me. Joy unlike anything I had ever known encircled me and whispered to my heart. My dream had come true.

Her second morning, I held her gently close, nestled in my arms. I closed my eyes and breathed in her sweet scent. I remember trying to memorize every detail of that moment to cherish forever. I always wanted to feel that glow.

The firsts were all conducted in a haze of amazement. The first time I diapered her I was all thumbs. The first time I bathed her I needed two nurses to guide me. Pulling on her little onsie gently so I wouldn't hurt her little arms. The first time I buckled her in the carseat. Thankfully I wasn't driving because I just had to sit next to her and gaze upon this lovely little person. The first time I walked her from the car into the house. Slowly, slowly. One short step at a time. And the first time I tried to nurse her...wondering if things were even working. The first time I heard her voice and anxiously poked and checked to see what she needed. The first time she kept me up all night changing sheets and diapers over and over I was actually thrilled to be there with her. Washing all the sleepers she owned was my pleasure. My lack of confidence at all of the newness kept me in awe for a good couple of weeks.

I remember laying in bed looking out at the late spring sky become dawn and smiling that I had nothing more important to do than cuddle and care for the little girl in the next room. Each morning seemed a little brighter since she had made her entrance. Days passed simply and comfortably. (I later learned that we had what people call a "good baby" - she began sleeping through the night at 10 days.)

Quickly I learned was that I didn't do anything alone anymore. She was in her baby seat in the bathroom with me or across the room from me in the kitchen. She rode in the car with all of her accoutraments with me. There was no more running quickly anywhere. Pay at the pump was not an option, she was unbuckled and carried inside the gas station when I paid. I was not number one in any way any longer, I was delighted to find I was number "last". Everything about her was radiantly more important than anything about me. After her needs had been met, I could get that glass of water. It surprised me that I didn't mind the radical shift of my importance, it was a natural part of this new life.

I didn't know what the future would bring, I was just eager to experience it's majesty with her. Within weeks I was already packing away sleepers she had outgrown. Soon she was really smiling and cooing and kicking her feet in excitement. Slowly I moved from awkward moves to confident grasps of who she was and how to do things. The newness ebbed into a comfortable way of life. I was "getting it" and having the most fun I'd ever had. Every day I thanked God for allowing me the honor to be the mother of this very little one.

Now our dear family friend is going to go through her new changes as she experiences life afresh with her precious baby. Congratulations new mother, and Happy Birthday to my girl. It doesn't stop being wonderful. And it goes by all too fast.