Mom on Strike

 

I love to tell this true story.

There was a mom of two kids, ten years apart in age. She was also a wife and worked full-time and was taking graduate classes. Her full time job included a lot of  "on call" activities that could not be predicted. In addition to these roles,  she spent a minimum of 3 hours each day driving her kids to and from school in stop and go traffic. We all know that is simply a cue to pull your hair out, especially with the youngest one kicking at the back of the driver's seat and there is nothing you can do about it right then except take a deep breath.

Well this mom was making sure there was food in the refrigerator and on the table, doing the laundry and leading the call to arms regarding basic housekeeping. She was even beginning to experiment with recipes besides casseroles.

Day after day she tried her best to provide her family with clean surroundings, fresh food and guidance while supporting their diverse needs. One day, she had had enough of the lack of help and appreciation from them. She was tired of wiping down the kitchen counter again after someone else when she always left things clean.

"I'm done," she told her family. "I am going on strike. I don't feel that you guys appreciate what I do for you so from now on, I'm not going to do anything. Have at it." At first the eldest and the husband thought she was just on a mini rant and soon she'd be back. She just had to be kidding.

This mom kept her word. She made sure that the youngest was fed and his laundry done, but that was it.  She ate what she wanted, when she wanted and retreated at night to study or watch a decorating show. She was pleasant when she encountered her family members, but she did nothing for them. She didn't do anything against them either. She let go of her mental picture of how tidy things needed to be and even left her own dishes in the sink at times.

The strike lasted 6 months.

That mom was me. After a season, I didn't need to stay on strike. My family had learned what I did for them and I had relaxed from the stress of being my own wife. They learned to appreciate me and I learned I had been doing too much. I did not regret the decisions to start or end the strike. It had been worth it.

Fast forward a dozen years. Everyone pitches in now. Any one of us can flip a load of laundry or put the dishes away. Any one of us can take the full can of trash out without being prompted. And we all say thank you to who ever made dinner or cooked the eggs. And sometimes, just because, we leave the dishes in the sink overnight. Why not? It won't hurt anyone.

What Mom Doesn't Work?

A hot news topic the past few days is the charge that stay-at-home mom Ann Romney "has never worked a day in her life." The message implied was that Ann could thus not have any meaningful input about what is happening economically because she hadn't really done much with her life. The media has jumped on this and all sorts of facts, figures and responses are popping up everywhere.

I am happy that a passing comment has generated so much publicity about motherhood and is bringing attention to both stay-at-home moms and those moms who work outside the home. This is great fodder for a fun discussion over your favorite Starbucks coffee.

For years, conflicting messages have been presented in our North American culture. Throw some church viewpoints in there and it is either a sin for a mom to work outside the home or that moms who do not work outside the home are somehow lesser than those out there "using their brains".

While I was growing up, my mother did not work outside the home. But she was the family project manager, gourmet chef, counselor, girl friend to my father, volunteer, hostess, financier, decorator and friend. She spent hours every day after school assisting my younger brother with his school work and volunteered in the school library. My mom was a vital woman who enjoyed a full life and became a painter and artist. When I was in high school, she began a second career in real estate before anyone's mom was doing it. When I was in college, the "phase II" of her life with grown kids was cut short when she died of cancer.

I have been both a stay-at-home mama and a working mama. When my daughter was young, I had to work and it was very painful to leave her at daycare. I would skip lunch in order to get to her as soon as possible and spend the rest of the evening with my precious lamb. At one point I was able to rearrange my work schedule to get home right when the bus dropped her off at 3:10. For people who know that I am not a morning fan at all, they will gulp to learn I got up at 5:30 every day for her.

When our son was just 18 months old, I became a children's pastor out of passion for children and families. This isn't a job, it is an extension of my soul... but it does mean I was still a working mother. I have been blessed to serve at churches under senior leadership that has allowed me to organize my work schedule around my family. This has allowed me to be there first for my family and be the best children's pastor possible. We have been fortunate that I have had a position and the support that has allowed me to do what I love while loving and being there for my family. When our now nine-foot-tall son was just a preschooler, he used to refer to my office at church as "our office". Ohhh did that make my heart sing and affirmed that he knew his place in my life!

Every stay-at-home mother I have ever had the privilege to know has my complete admiration. Many of them have temporarily retired from high powered positions. All of them dive into their family life with high energy. They work hard to make sure to provide multitudes of experiences and learning opportunities for their children. Some of these moms are also the educators of their kids. Some of these moms send their kids to school. Either way, they all ensure that their children understand what was taught each day. They are creative, on-going learners who are the rudders of their families.

I have been meeting more and more moms who have developed side jobs or hobbies that have become a source of income, all while putting their families first. That means they get less sleep in order to do this after the kids go to bed, or play tag team if there's a dad around to be sure one parent is always there for the kids.

The working moms I have met that do not have the flexibility in the schedules that I have had and are gone during traditional business hours each day really have it tough. That's my humble opinion. They have to look professional earlier in the day while toting kid gear and kids to an early morning daycare, head off to work where they need to focus for x number of consecutive hours. Before they can go straight home, often they are also the parent who picks up the kids from daycare/after school programs. When they come home for the night, they are still needed and responsible for nurturing and encouraging their families.

There is not one woman I have ever met who is "less than" or "more than" any other woman because she does or does not work outside the home. Mothers are awesome! You don't need a paying job to be valued or have important input and insights. And, I'll just throw in there not to compare education or position. A mom is a mom. Yes, at first it may be intimidating to find out the mom sitting next to you is head of the state bar association, or has a Ph. D, but you know what? We are all just humans...and fellow moms. I bet Ann Romney has her finger on the pulse of her areas of expertise just like any other stay-at-home mom. She is worth a listen, just like every mom.