The Day That Changes Everything

Yesterday we got the wonderful news that our daughter's BFF from high school safely delivered her first baby - a beautiful, cuddly baby boy. She posted on FB that he looked just like his papa (he does) and that "mama is in loooooooove." I've been praying for them during the pregnancy and finding out that he's here on the outside got me eagerly thinking about her new life. At 4:11 a.m. yesterday, everything changed for her.

Today is the celebration of the day that changed everything for me. At 8:40 a.m. on June 3, 1985 my daughter was born. In just a few minutes (she came via C-section), I went from mother-to-be to mother. After finding out she had all her fingers and toes, I just lay there crying quietly in greatful awe. She had made me a mother. I was someone's mother! I had a baby - a baby!! A sense of wonder and peace washed over me. Joy unlike anything I had ever known encircled me and whispered to my heart. My dream had come true.

Her second morning, I held her gently close, nestled in my arms. I closed my eyes and breathed in her sweet scent. I remember trying to memorize every detail of that moment to cherish forever. I always wanted to feel that glow.

The firsts were all conducted in a haze of amazement. The first time I diapered her I was all thumbs. The first time I bathed her I needed two nurses to guide me. Pulling on her little onsie gently so I wouldn't hurt her little arms. The first time I buckled her in the carseat. Thankfully I wasn't driving because I just had to sit next to her and gaze upon this lovely little person. The first time I walked her from the car into the house. Slowly, slowly. One short step at a time. And the first time I tried to nurse her...wondering if things were even working. The first time I heard her voice and anxiously poked and checked to see what she needed. The first time she kept me up all night changing sheets and diapers over and over I was actually thrilled to be there with her. Washing all the sleepers she owned was my pleasure. My lack of confidence at all of the newness kept me in awe for a good couple of weeks.

I remember laying in bed looking out at the late spring sky become dawn and smiling that I had nothing more important to do than cuddle and care for the little girl in the next room. Each morning seemed a little brighter since she had made her entrance. Days passed simply and comfortably. (I later learned that we had what people call a "good baby" - she began sleeping through the night at 10 days.)

Quickly I learned was that I didn't do anything alone anymore. She was in her baby seat in the bathroom with me or across the room from me in the kitchen. She rode in the car with all of her accoutraments with me. There was no more running quickly anywhere. Pay at the pump was not an option, she was unbuckled and carried inside the gas station when I paid. I was not number one in any way any longer, I was delighted to find I was number "last". Everything about her was radiantly more important than anything about me. After her needs had been met, I could get that glass of water. It surprised me that I didn't mind the radical shift of my importance, it was a natural part of this new life.

I didn't know what the future would bring, I was just eager to experience it's majesty with her. Within weeks I was already packing away sleepers she had outgrown. Soon she was really smiling and cooing and kicking her feet in excitement. Slowly I moved from awkward moves to confident grasps of who she was and how to do things. The newness ebbed into a comfortable way of life. I was "getting it" and having the most fun I'd ever had. Every day I thanked God for allowing me the honor to be the mother of this very little one.

Now our dear family friend is going to go through her new changes as she experiences life afresh with her precious baby. Congratulations new mother, and Happy Birthday to my girl. It doesn't stop being wonderful. And it goes by all too fast.

The Proverbs 31 Woman

Ever heard about this amazing woman? You can read about her in most of chapter 31 in book of Proverbs in the Bible. There we read incredible character traits to aim for. They are pretty lofty, but inspiring. I love the one about her being a prudent business woman in addition to nobley nurturing her family. Check out a few verses:

10 [b]Who can find a virtuous and capable wife?
She is more precious than rubies.
11 Her husband can trust her,
and she will greatly enrich his life
12 She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.
13 She finds wool and flax
and busily spins it.
14 She is like a merchant’s ship,
bringing her food from afar.

And

16 She goes to inspect a field and buys it;
with her earnings she plants a vineyard.
17 She is energetic and strong,
a hard worker.
18 She makes sure her dealings are profitable;
her lamp burns late into the night.
19 Her hands are busy spinning thread,
her fingers twisting fiber.
20 She extends a helping hand to the poor
and opens her arms to the needy.

And

22 She makes her own bedspreads.
She dresses in fine linen and purple gowns.
23 Her husband is well known at the city gates,
where he sits with the other civic leaders.
24 She makes belted linen garments
and sashes to sell to the merchants.
25 She is clothed with strength and dignity,
and she laughs without fear of the future.
26 When she speaks, her words are wise,
and she gives instructions with kindness.

I wanted to teach my little girl these wonderful attributes. How a woman can be both a leader and a supporter, wise and trusting. How central she is to her family, and how far-reaching her influence was. One of the things I found to help me teach this was a lovely children's book called When I'm a Mommy, by Ginger Fulton. It was charmingly illustrated and communicated the Proverbs examples in contemporary language with simple language perfect for a preschooler.

We nestled together on the couch to read our new book. She eagerly listened and absorbed each illustration with wide eyes. I loved reading with her in my arms when I could look at her profile and see those sweet cheeks and rosebud lips focused on the pages. Soon we came to the part paraphrasing verse 15: "She gets up before dawn to prepare breakfast for her household and plan the day’s work for her servant girls."

Somberly, my four-year-old turned and looked up into my eyes. "Well, you're not a Proverbs 31 Mommy because you don't get up that early."

Okay, so I like to sleep in. These verses are still worth some refreshed inspiration!

Gap Parenting 101

“Mom!! He spit his toothpaste on my curling iron!!!” Screamed my 14-year old daughter from the kids’ Loo.

“Well Honey,” I calmly called back from the kitchen, “If you didn’t leave it in the sink your brother probably wouldn’t do that.”

Parenting a literal four-year-old who sees a sink as a sink regardless of what’s in it along with a scattered teenage daughter with her hormones emerging is a joy to look back on. That’s because the scenarios like the one described occurred regularly. I worked hard to hold a “valium face” so the kids wouldn’t know they got to me. (Truth be told, I felt badgered and outnumbered unless my husband was home.)

I’m sure my daughter would tell you she knew they got to me even then, but her brother now 16 reminisced about when his sister was his current age. She would “wool him up” to the point where they were pouncing, smacking, and screeching at stroke-inducing decibels. Their “20 minutes of fun” equated to an hour and a half of cool-down time before the house returned to Zen. I used to try and interrupt this daily exhibit, and all it did was get me further up the stammering and shaking barometer.

How could they both act like 3 year olds? How should I respond?

Finally one day it hit me. My daughter had Red Cross training. Even though it looked like it, she truly wouldn’t kill her brother. Let her experience the consequences of wooling up an ADHD kid and just leave.

So, once their gig started I would take my purse and head for the coffee shop. I drove off to get my decaf mocha and let them work it all out.

Net result: Mommie wasn’t rattled anymore cuz she didn’t have to watch or participate in the scene. Bonus: Mommie got her mocha!

The kids lost their audience.

Wonder of all, the house was quiet when Mommie got home within the hour. They wooled each other up a lot less once I started going out for so much coffee. Pretty soon, I didn’t even have to go for a mocha as an escape and could even take my tigers along...