The Real Missing Piece

One of my favorite children's books is by Shel Silverstein, called The Missing Piece. It's the story of an almost-circle traveling around looking for a pie-shaped wedge that will complete him. 

There are many ways to interpret this analogy, but have you thought about it like this?

Ever heard the saying that there is a space within the soul of every child that only God can fill? While they are young, that space is open and kids are most receptive to learn about him. As they grow, the space shrinks and they lose the innocent trust that was once waiting within. Statistics tell us that the chance of a child developing a faith relationship with Christ reduces by huge percentages by the time they graduate high school. 

In fact, the magic number is closer to nine years of age. Those first nine years lay the foundation for how a child interprets faith the rest of his life. It doesn't mean they can't have a relationship, it just tells us how they will understand it. Statistician George Barna outlines the need for families and churches to value those early years with solid teaching in his book, Raising Spiritual Champions. I recommend that every parent, pastor and Sunday School teacher read this and take heed. Capitalize, if you will, on the openness of those first nine years.

The other day I was working with a six-year-old little boy and his mother. He has several behavioral learning disabilities and is smart as a whip. Because of his behavior, he spent most of kindergarten in the "lockout room" removed from the rest of his class. Now he's in first grade in a special school for "those kind of kids". I work with him on his self-control and encourage him in social skills. He is doing great. He has demonstrated a strong singing voice but when I suggested to his mom that she sign him up for a church kids choir, she shook her head and told me they don't "do church". Back to the other day. He had just completed his  "All About Me Poster" and we were all talking. As we talked, he embellished his poster.

I noticed that he was making what looked like the capital letter "T" (his penmanship is a bit rough) but actually looked more like crosses. Nonchalantly, I tapped his poster and said "what are those?" He paused and soberly looked up at me and said "Those are crosses. Don't you know? The guy who died on the cross?!" He couldn't believe I hadn't heard. Goosebumps ran up and down my arms. God was at work in this little guy's heart and he was taking in whatever he could get. This little fellow just needs his missing piece.

Casually, I told the mom about my theory of the missing piece and this time she listened. She wanted to go to a "cool church" so I told her just the one to try that is for people who "don't do church". There's even a slide in the kids area. Guess what? She was intrigued!

Every child has a place within just waiting to be filled by Christ. As parents, it is our primary responsibility to see that it is. Smart churches have the staff and programming in place not only to teach the kids, but coach the parents, too. I cannot count how many parents have told me they feel inadequate to teach their children about God. My response is always the same. "Perfect!"

Say what?! That's just where God wants each of us. Open and teachable. That's why churches exist - to equip us on our journeys - so that we in turn can impact others. Learn right along with your kids if you are new to all of this - that's what many parents I've worked with have done. A lot of them sign up to help in a Sunday School class because they are learning as they prepare as well as when they spend time with the kids. If you have never stepped inside a kids class on a Sunday, try it. You will be amazed at what they say and what they ask. At every age.

The point is to be intentional with the spiritual teaching your children are getting. They need to know what it means that God loves them and how it came to be that they can have a relationship with him because of his son Jesus Christ. It is the most important teaching they will ever get and it is on-going. The sooner they begin learning this, the stronger they will be as they navigate the challenges of growing up. A good church can help you guide your child to find her "missing piece" and help you help them grow.

Let's Skip a Few Stages

When our girl was in first grade, she was enthralled with a Mr. Rogers episode that showed how cheese is made in France. For the next 4 years, she would remind us that when she grew up, she wanted to become a cheese maker. Because I believe that kids should figure things out more than they need to be told, I would affirm her intent and ask to be sure she would make some Gouda cheese for me.

Fast forward. This girl is now an adult pursuing a master's degree in advancing impoverished communities in the world, teaching them to be self-sustaining. I probably mangled that definition, but the point is she sifted through her many experiences and dreams and landed on something that dignifies and blesses whole communities.

When our son was in first grade, he told us he wanted to be a Navy Seal. For the next 9 years, he would make occaisional comments about this desire. Remembering the "Cheese Maker" scenario, I absolutely affirmed his desire to be a hero.

A few months ago that (newly-turned-seventeen) son told us that he had something he wanted to talk with us about. He had met a National Guard recruiter at school and wanted to pursue conversations about enlisting as a junior in high school.

Gulp.

A handful of meetings and even more conversations later, he did enlist and has already attended two monthly drills. He will spend most of this summer in Boot Camp.

What?

Suddenly I realized that this child planned to skip some stages in the "growing up cycle". He is seeking out levels of responsibility and challenge far sooner than life would toss his way. While he is attracted to the fact that college costs will be covered by this decision, he sincerely desires to be part of team that helps protect, defend and restore. He is using the next six years as a launching pad for a possible military career.

Although already in college at his age, I barely thought about the future much beyond the next term paper. My highest concern was which outfit I was going to wear the next day, and of course; wondering if I looked fat.

The difference between me then and now and what my children have chosen is huge. I did not have the luxury when growing up to know what it meant for God to love me. I did not know one thing about what it meant to have a personal relationship with him through Jesus Christ - nor did I know that that was the reason God even put humans on earth!

My kids have grown up knowing what I later learned: I didn't want them to experience the void I did. I wanted them to know they could count on God. They got to grow up knowing that God loves them and cares intimately about every detail in their lives and that knowing him truly matters.

Through that, we have all learned to value others. Life is not just about ourselves, it is how we connect with others and their lives - wherever they are - whoever they are.

That being said, I guess I shouldn't be surprised that both my kids are other-focused and see beyond today.

I'm just working through the fact that it happened so fast...