Rebuilding Takes Time

Over ten years after America's worst terrorist attack obliterated the World Trade Center, it's descendant, the Freedom Tower has nearly reached it's full height. With just 500 more feet to go, when finished she will soar even higher than her predecessor. Today a column was hoisted in place that already makes this possible.

America has been in the rebuilding business ever since the tragedy was forced upon us. I did not know until today that the new building will stand 1,776 feet high in honor of the year 1776. It is a big deal that America now has one of the top three tallest buildings in the world. It represents our resilience, productivity and leadership. But it's been ten years in the making, and not finished yet.

This is a good example about what it takes to recover and rebuild after a tragedy. We can't snap our fingers and make it go any faster than it does. A minute is a minute is a day is a month is a year. Rebuilding cannot be rushed, as much as we would like it to be.

How many times have we been in something so thick and painful and cried out for it to be over? As a parent, I have held my sick children while they hurt and wished to feel better soon. "Mommie, can you please ask Jesus to make this go away faster?" It is a helpless feeling when we can't fix it, we are also waiting...

Waiting to feel better, waiting not to hurt so much, waiting for that test result, waiting for that job to come through... Waiting for your credit to be restored so you can try to own a home again, waiting on an email or call from a long-lost loved one...

We can rebuild from utter desolation. Each step in our process reminds me of the talent that is building the Freedom Tower. We need the new infrastructure, the engineers, the equipment and the plan. We need the people behind each action item to help us reach our goal. In addition to all of this, we need a realistic view of how long things will take.

Side chuckle: I once had the CEO of the company I worked for jab his finger in my face and demand that I learn an entire software program that evening. This was at 5:00 p.m. The actual learning curve for this program would take 8 weeks of in-depth classes.

So maybe the people we need are bankers or lawyers. Doctors or counselors. Maybe we need a good book or website to encourage or inspire. These people can help us get the "right equipment" so we can rebuild in our area of need.

Just like Freedom Tower, it won't be the same as before, but it can honor what has gone before. And then, there's that new part that introduces hope for the future.

Gotta keep hoping...

Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Wait!

One of the things I have taught our dog to do is to "wait". She is very excited to go for car rides, but our cars are outside. We exit through the garage and she has learned to wait once we hit the garage door opener. At first she will run wildly toward the opening door, but upon hearing me caution her to "wait", all 11 pounds of her skids to a halt. She retraces her steps and walks out to the car with me. She has learned that being careful keeps her safe, and her reward is the coveted ride in the car.

Many parenting checklists cover certain skills our children should master by when in order to function well socially. By fifth grade, one of the things our kids should have learned to do is to wait.

While I completely agree, I think that in technologically microwaveable instant messaging text savvy DVRing Googling North America that is asking a lot for today's Kindergarteners.

They have never known life without a smart phone, microwave, DVR, drive-through Starbucks or take-home pre-cooked dinners from the deli section of Target. Their parents can Google and download coloring pages, craft ideas and get online to read their report cards. They can play games with the tap of a finger on an iPad or the click of a mouse if their family is still so old school as to own a computer that sits at a table. If they really, really need a toy or a book their parents can go to Amazon.com find it and instant click. It will be at the front door - no shipping fees applied - within a day. Unlike babies of bygone eras, they were handed an iPhone to play with while mommy had coffee with friends. Forget those car keys! These kids have grown up technologically far more intuitive than their families (or even older siblings) and have no logical reason to wait for anything.

Yet that is exactly what we must do - teach these incredible kids to do a thing so culturally foreign to them. They must learn to wait.

Waiting will teach patience and respect for others. Waiting will teach unselfishness and self-control. Waiting will teach objectivity, anticipation, preparation and sacrifice. Waiting will teach children about creation and beauty.

You can't plant a seed and get a sunflower right away - you have to watch it grow. While it is growing you can care for it and watch what God created. You can't have a birthday every day, but you can plan a party the month before and have fun counting down and learn what it means to look forward to something out of our control but certainly on the calendar. Where we live many young girls grow their hair out for Locks of Love, then donate their year of work. They had to watch and wait for their hair to be long enough before this non-profit could accept their hair for cancer patients.

Today's parents have a lot of contributing forces that are definitely convenient for family life and are indeed blessings, but if we aren't careful we may turn out a generation of impatient or impersonal people who can't relate face-to-face, manage their finances or everyday lives. I think we have to share our appreciation for what we can "instantly" do or get (like Googling the answer everyone is arguing about as to the average age of a Pony Express rider), yet tempering that by making sure our brainiac can also treat others kindly and with love and have a solid sense of self-control by waiting their turn or saving for that toy.

What if we taught our kids that waiting was fun, not something to be overcome?

I gotta go now, my microwave popcorn is done...

Tears For Their Choices

Have you ever cried about the choices your child has made? When they are little, it can be when they hit another kid, were rude to an adult or stole from the grocery store. (Both mine were guilty of this before age 4.)

That’s not what I’m talking about today. I’m talking beyond the snotty junior high friend, the rebellious attitude that lasted semesters, and family disrespect.

I’m talking about the reality that your legal adult has appeared to let all your earnest teaching roll off their back like a duck. Everything you have sacrificed and done appears to make no difference in their life choices. Now it truly matters who they befriend and what they put into their minds and bodies and they are doing most of it where you can’t see, much less supervise.

It’s like your hands are tied as you silently scream in horror that the baby you once held in your arms and so carefully parented all this time is disappearing into someone you do not recognize… much less approve of… or even like.

Why don’t they seem to care about their family? Why do their friends plan for college or get jobs and your child is content with part time success? Don’t they notice the glaring gap between NASA and McDonalds? And bleep-it why don’t they see how good they’ve had it and how much they are turning away from?

Certain milestones should be occasions for celebration, but the balloons might look slightly deflated depending on what it took emotionally for you pull that off.

If this resonates with you, you probably know more than most parents how precious and fleeting your years of influence truly are. And, just because all the other kids look like they are following a decent life plan doesn’t mean they will continue, or even know what they are doing. It just looks good and more importantly, it just isn’t what your child is choosing.

Right now I am aching for a family who is launching their young adult into his first apartment – and not for happy reasons. Their child crossed the final line and was told to live somewhere else. I applaud their tough decision – way more difficult that selling a car out from under them! These parents honored their rules and words, and loved their kid enough to be firm in a big way.

I believe one day he will come to appreciate their care and investment, and respect them. I have seen others who tumble into adulthood and shake all the wrinkles out a few years later. I pray that this is another one like that, and in the meantime – that the parents have peace.