The Things We Say

Ever just pull back and listen to what you say to your kids? Caution: be prepared to laugh or blush at your folly.

When our son was 13-years old, he thoughtfully called his father from his cell phone to inform both of us that he had ridden his bike near the county fairgrounds on his way home from Subway. “OK Buddy,” my husband said while driving. I began serious gesturing and demanded the phone. Upon gaining my conquest I eagerly gave my son some important, life-changing advice, “Hey! Hey you guys have to be really really careful about your bikes on the fairgrounds,” I panted into the phone. “That’s JUST the kind of place where people will steal your bike!” Brief silence and then a confused “Okaaaaaaay.”

If ever I could feel instantly irrelevant it was that day. Our son happens to be uber responsible and did not need me to say any type of such a doting, helicopter-ish thing. Funny thing is, I usually don’t say anything, but when I do, I do it up big. Guess I just had to get that out like a bad burp. Later that day I apologized to him for saying something so lame because I know he knows. He grinned and thanked me.

I’ll never forget when my daughter was 8. She had done something worthy of a parent reminder. My husband has not read the books or taken the classes I have so his style was a bit different than mine – especially at that time. He proceeded to give a lecture italicizing every other word and ended with “How many times do I have to tell you this?” I entered the room in time to hear the question and see my daughter sitting there with a blank look on her face.

Turning to my husband, I asked “Honey, were you looking for a specific numerical answer ‘cuz she’s searching her brain for the right response.” He chuckled, tensions expired and we were able to turn the situation into a quick point, end of subject.

Short and sweet. Keep it simple. Kids don’t listen to long, drawn out commentaries. Neither do they need to be told the obvious when they have demonstrated responsibility.

There’s a reason why the animated Snoopy cartoons use that muted clucking trumpet to represent parental dialog.

(One of my favorite books I recommend is How to Talk so Kids Will Listen and Listen so Kids Will Talk, it teaches reflective listening techniques and is a "must" addition to your personal library.)