Warning Signs

A friend of mine asked me if I would address the subject of teen suicide and it got me thinking about how we should not ignore warning signs. We are supposed to take behaviors and threats seriously and get help for the child. Sadly, sometimes we hear about the child who didn't display enough or long enough and they succeeded at their death attempt.

Does this mean we need to be on red alert? I think so. I remember standing in a theme park and looking away for a second. When I looked back our young son was gone. We found him unharmed 10 minutes later much farther away. We acted fast and had a plan. We worked together. I will never forget the sickening state  of alarm when I realized how quickly he could be gone. We ran into action.

If our child is doing something out of sync, we need to run into immediate action. Rather to err on the side of safety than ignorance leading to harm. It is how we handle it while it's happening that will make the difference. Rather than scream the entire way to have your kid drug tested, drive calmly. Rather than threaten or warn, act swiftly. Don't tell them you are going to take them to a counselor, take them. Their health and very lives are non-negotiable. Argue about the clean bedroom if you want, but not their safety. Make sure they know there are no secrets to keep if a friend has shared about abuse or suicide. Don't be afraid to call a friend's parent. There may be no next chance.

There's another kind of warning sign that can get ignored. It's the suicide that doesn't kill your child, it just ruins their life. I know of a family whose older child told them about the drugs the younger brother was doing in middle school. They did nothing. That kid began running away and stealing at age 15. They bailed him out and flew him home. The arrests and drug use went up, the older sibling kept telling the parents he needed treatment. The parents were afraid of what people would think, so they did nothing except hire better lawyers. When he beat his sibling and ran away again, the parents said nothing about the injury but worried that he might not ever come home.

Fast forward. They say that the age at which serious drug use begins is the emotional age the untreated person stays at. I've seen this truth unfold. There's an angry "man" out there who is emotionally just 13 years old who has led a life entirely focused on his own destructive pleasure. He is over 50 and counts the days til Friday like that middle schooler. He has been in and out of prison, treatment centers and probation. He lives steps ahead of the things that come after him and continually blames the world for his troubles. If he knew where any of his birth family was right now, he would have no qualms about harming them - perhaps fatally.

This lost life could have been prevented if the parents would have stepped into action and cared more about their son's well-being than what people would think. Those "people" have certainly had a lot worse to "think" now. Had the parents acted at the first warning, how different might things be for this entire family?

Sometimes the warning signs are as large and obvious as a fire. Sometimes they are that quiet gaze of a withdrawn second grader staring past you. Don't ignore them. Take note. Maybe it is just a stare, but you need to know the circumstances so find out. Don't be embarrassed to get help.

Don't be afraid to go down that hall and open the door or read your browser history. Just don't do it like a police dog and if you need to take action, make it CALM, swift and immediate. You may just save your entire family's lives.

Why I'm Thankful For My Food Allergy

When I was in college I had a severe allergic reaction to a hot dog bought from a street vendor. My throat closed up, my lungs lost their power and I began coughing incessantly. By the time I got myself to the ER, my hands, feet and face were swollen and the cough was worse. While waiting for the attending physician to see me, I caught a glimpse of my face in the mirror. It had swelled to nearly twice its size. My eyes were slits. I was unrecognizable. In addition to this disfigurement, every swollen location itched like crazy. They injected me with enough cc's of something to halt the symptoms and told me to visit my family doc at the next break. It took 3 days for the swelling to subside.

The diagnosis? A severe allergic reaction that was unexplainable at the time and determined to be freakish and unlikely to happen again.

Three years later it happened at a New Year's Eve party. A year after that it happened again with a pizza. That time the ER doc told me to visit an allergist where it was determined that I was seriously allergic to any man-made meat product coming from a pig. This includes ham, bacon, hot dogs, pepperoni, salami and pork. Something containing pork had been in each episode.  Apparently while I had grown up eating all of the above, my system no longer tolerated this food and if I consumed it, I would go into anaphylaxis shock. I began to carry special pills and later an epi-pen in order to combat a reaction should I learn I had consumed pork.

Over the years I have been amazed at how many restaurants add bits of pork to their recipes. Thanks to being aware and asking questions at every pot luck and restaurant, it has been years since any episode. I have met others with severe food allergies to shellfish and peanuts, wheat and other foods and fully respect their needs for hand-washing and certain foods not to touch others.

Why can I be thankful that I can't eat that Easter ham or have bacon with my eggs anymore?

Because my kids have grown up knowing that something simple that doesn't affect them can make mom really, really sick.They live the reality that everyone's body reacts differently and have seen what it means to be cautious.

This has been the absolute best illustration when we talked about experimenting with sex and drugs.  Reading about the nice boy on the basketball team who tried cocaine once and died of a heart attack at age 16 or the girl at the party who did something once and got an STD become more powerful because I can't eat a hotdog.

I have tried to teach my kids that in certain situations, due to the strength of the drugs and increased types of STDs, sometimes they don't even get one chance to mess up. That one time could be the time that takes their life, or sentences them to a lifetime of medical treatment and explanations to a future mate.

More than anything, I want them alive and healthy. Because I can't eat hotdogs, they have learned the level of their responsibility required to make that happen. What affects our bodies is very real and unpredictable so taking a chance is a risk not worth taking.

Man, am I glad I can't eat hotdogs.

Note: Don't wait til your child is an older teen to begin this conversation. Start with light comments at age 8 and be specific by age 12. Remember, they are growing older younger.