Warning Signs

A friend of mine asked me if I would address the subject of teen suicide and it got me thinking about how we should not ignore warning signs. We are supposed to take behaviors and threats seriously and get help for the child. Sadly, sometimes we hear about the child who didn't display enough or long enough and they succeeded at their death attempt.

Does this mean we need to be on red alert? I think so. I remember standing in a theme park and looking away for a second. When I looked back our young son was gone. We found him unharmed 10 minutes later much farther away. We acted fast and had a plan. We worked together. I will never forget the sickening state  of alarm when I realized how quickly he could be gone. We ran into action.

If our child is doing something out of sync, we need to run into immediate action. Rather to err on the side of safety than ignorance leading to harm. It is how we handle it while it's happening that will make the difference. Rather than scream the entire way to have your kid drug tested, drive calmly. Rather than threaten or warn, act swiftly. Don't tell them you are going to take them to a counselor, take them. Their health and very lives are non-negotiable. Argue about the clean bedroom if you want, but not their safety. Make sure they know there are no secrets to keep if a friend has shared about abuse or suicide. Don't be afraid to call a friend's parent. There may be no next chance.

There's another kind of warning sign that can get ignored. It's the suicide that doesn't kill your child, it just ruins their life. I know of a family whose older child told them about the drugs the younger brother was doing in middle school. They did nothing. That kid began running away and stealing at age 15. They bailed him out and flew him home. The arrests and drug use went up, the older sibling kept telling the parents he needed treatment. The parents were afraid of what people would think, so they did nothing except hire better lawyers. When he beat his sibling and ran away again, the parents said nothing about the injury but worried that he might not ever come home.

Fast forward. They say that the age at which serious drug use begins is the emotional age the untreated person stays at. I've seen this truth unfold. There's an angry "man" out there who is emotionally just 13 years old who has led a life entirely focused on his own destructive pleasure. He is over 50 and counts the days til Friday like that middle schooler. He has been in and out of prison, treatment centers and probation. He lives steps ahead of the things that come after him and continually blames the world for his troubles. If he knew where any of his birth family was right now, he would have no qualms about harming them - perhaps fatally.

This lost life could have been prevented if the parents would have stepped into action and cared more about their son's well-being than what people would think. Those "people" have certainly had a lot worse to "think" now. Had the parents acted at the first warning, how different might things be for this entire family?

Sometimes the warning signs are as large and obvious as a fire. Sometimes they are that quiet gaze of a withdrawn second grader staring past you. Don't ignore them. Take note. Maybe it is just a stare, but you need to know the circumstances so find out. Don't be embarrassed to get help.

Don't be afraid to go down that hall and open the door or read your browser history. Just don't do it like a police dog and if you need to take action, make it CALM, swift and immediate. You may just save your entire family's lives.