"I Hate Homework"

Ever heard that comment? Of course you probably have!

I agree. I hate homework, too.

Public school teachers have a herd of kids to deal with all day long. Little personal attention is available to meet individual needs. Thus, "homework".

Homework used to be for reinforcement of a concept thoroughly introduced and covered in school. Like spelling words. Now, it's a whole new packet of expectations loaded into an overweight backback to be trudged home and diligently worked.

Hours of homework have now become a national expectation. Performance is even based upon time spent doing homework.

Sure, parents groan about it. But inside, I think they may like the idea that their kid is sitting somewhere doing a perceived productive thing that they can brag about to their friends. "Rufus spent
four hours each night doing homework!" = Smart kid. Not.

How completely boring is this? Being forced to sit and do a thing? What about something that totally grabs their attention and passion? Instead of sending a kid off to DO homework, what if they could be engaged and interested? EXPERIENCE the concept, not just read it and circle the answer with a number two pencil that needs sharpening.

When I home schooled our kids for chunks of time, there was no homework because we did the work during our school time. And, hark! Our school time did not last seven hours. More like  three or four and believe me, everything was completely covered. Wanna know why? Because there weren't 23 or 29 other kids to keep in line. Instead of herding a crowd, I was able to focus on the unique learning skills each kid needed.

And... we approached "school" from their learning style. My girl was a learner who needed a story or a pictute. My boy needed to touch and do it. I adapted curriculum in order to reach each of my kiddos. Public and private schools do not have such luxury. I smile when I remember all of the illustrated state fact cards my daughter made. We even laminated them. And I also smile when I remember my son pacing around and around the kitchen table as we worked on US History. Drawing touched her soul, sitting penalized my active son so we adapated and achieved the ultimate goal.

We only home schooled for periods of time, and as it turns out they were the right periods of time during each of my kids's lives. Being 10 years apart, this was during different eras.  I loved "getting inside" my kids' brains and spending close time with them and believe that my investment launched them into future school success.

But, gotta tell you. Homework badgering was never on my talking points.

And when I meet parents frustrated with the volume of homework expected on a daily basis, I groan in empathy. Perhaps they should take an idea out of the 2000's sit com "According to Jim"? Jim and Cheryl were frustrated with all the homework their kids had to do. Jim handled it by going to school and meeting with the teacher to lighten the load. Not a bad idea! But don't follow up like Jim did by saying the reason the family could not support all that homework was because mom Cheryl could not read.

Parents: Let's not allow schools to teach to one learning style and equate the number of worksheets completed as teaching. Yes, there is need for reinforcement. No, there is no need for busy work. Teachers need to ensure the students have grasped the concept enough to follow up at home.

So Don't Take a Shower Then

There's a reason you can't find boy pajamas to buy anymore.

I'm a skill-teaching, non-nagging, responsibility-training mother. Since they could barely move, my objective has been to teach my kids to be in charge of themselves. That includes their thoughts, their bodies, and their stuff. They need to learn personal responsibility in every area of their lives by the time they graduate high school.

In a realistic way, my kids have been taught that those are their shoes, their teeth, their grades and their bodies. Translated, this means that they put on and tie their shoes - not me. They put their shoes where they belong - not me. They brush their teeth and floss - not me. I have my own teeth. They do their homework - not me. I'll certainly help when asked, but if they don't care about their grades I am not gonna do the caring for them. I was already in that grade and don't need to review.

Bet you're thinking "but what if they fail?" Then they fail. Don't stand in their way. They have to want to do well more than you want them to - otherwise they won't know how to manage life later on, they'll just wait for someone out there to step in and guide their elbow. If they don't care, they will experience the natural consequences of poor grades. Reality will teach them about tutors, detention, summer school or even repeating a class. It might not take more than a failed test or it might take a failed class. If you let your child handle their own work and stay out of trying to fix it or babysit, they probably won't be as inclined to fail again. Wouldn't you rather have them fail while they are minors under your influence - safe in a loving home - than in a dorm room or apartment later on? If you believe it takes your constant reminding or presence in order for your child to do their homework or anything else, you are doing them a disservice. Yes, it may get done. But for the wrong reasons.

The same goes with bathing. Talk to any mother of a second grader. She will tell you in exasperation about the dreaded daily arguments it takes to get her kid to bathe. If it's a boy, she will add with her nose pinched how he doesn't care what he wears and wants to sleep in his clothes. When I tell moms of younger kids about how I handled it, some unwisely and innocently prophesize that it won't happen in her house.

For those of you focused so intently on the choice of public attire and necessity for cleaning rituals here's a promise: that same smelly kid who fights you to do the unthinkable and take a shower and might even (gasp) sleep in their clothes will become a teen who spends so much time showering it raises your water bill. If it's a girl, she will try on at least six outfits each morning and throw the rejected ones in her dirty clothes hamper for you to wash. (But you won't because you taught her how to do her own laundry when she was 10). Yep. That same guy who wore his red shorts day and night one summer will become interested in his hair and good-looking shirts. That messy girl will spend extended time styling her hair and putting on makeup. These frustrating days of "are you kidding?" and "I don't want to" will evaporate. I sure hope you don't have to share your bathroom...

When our kids went through their smelly, non-bathing stages we didn't nag and we didn't fret. We would state that it would be good to take a shower. If they protested, we walked away and let them stink. For days. We watched hair get greasy and shrugged at the idea of them enjoying their unkemptness. But we did not repeat ourselves or refer in any way to their obvious need to bathe. We did not argue. Guess what? It didn't take too many instances of stinking up the classroom at school for them to realize the important concept of regular bathing. Today, both of them laugh heartily at their prior stubbornness to do such a basic thing.

Letting them stink did not cause any harm and eliminated another potential nag-topic or battle of wills. So what if they didn't wear pajamas when they slept? Does it really matter or is it your issue? So what if they wear the same thing again? I say save your energy for the really big battles, not these little ones. If you waste your "authority" arguing over a shower you won't have it when you need to address sexual purity or drugs later on. Every time you establish yourself as controlling and intolerant, the chance of your kid being open with you with what they are really thinking shrivels a bit more until it's gone. Would you feel comfortable sharing with someone like that? During your parenting season, you will need to make some tough decisions and your kids will need you to be a role model they can talk to. Please don't jeopardize that by overreacting to things that do not matter in the long run. Think beyond what you want or how you had to do it as a kid.

And that outfit they wore five days in a row? Great idea! I do that now myself. It's very convenient when you don't see the same people every day. Especially if it is one of your favorites.