Conquering Morning Mayhem

I dream of mornings that unveil a day where time moves slowly and everything is smooth and orderly. In order to pretend I had such a start to my day when my kids were little, I would do as much as possible ahead of time the night before so we could think we were waltzing - not rushing - out the door. Despite my best efforts, most mornings offered unexpected detours that cooled our zen.

Lost keys, dog poop or the discovery that what I'd chosen to wear had an obvious stain were just some of the "opportunities" to overcome in the dash to exit on time. We dealt with it and lived through it. With each birthday things got smoother... But remember with kids 10 years apart, that took longer. On the other hand, with that big age gap, at least I was only helping one kid at a time put on their shoes and adjust that sock so it didn't bug them.

My morning mayhem stories are mostly worth a chuckle, and that mayhem is now part of history. We made it through! But what if you have a special needs child on top of the routines requiring parental intervention and supervision? This season is not going to fade away on any predictable timeline, but you can set up some routines that can help your child and your family manage.

If your family is struggling, here are some pointers that work:

First of all, limit the household activity to the goal of getting up and out on time. Don't add extra people or tasks. Parents with special needs kids don't need to supervise sibling piano practice or friends waiting for the bus.

Siblings should get set up to leave the night before. Shower. Pack the backpack, sign the parent permission slip, make the lunch and put it in the fridge. Lay out tomorrow's outfit. Kids as young as 5 can help butter their bread or put fruit in the lunchbox.

Share in the task of getting breakfast ready for the family. Older siblings can set the table and put out cereal and fruit. If you are really brave, pick a day a week to serve a hot meal with similar help. Teach everyone to rinse their dishes when they are done. At least leave the breakfast table cleared.

For any child who is more anxious, the more consistent the routine, the better. Children like to know what to expect. It provides security.

Something I recently introduced is a hands-on morning management technique. The parent picked just two things to focus on for the special needs child. I made them a "Feed the Fish" poster with a colorful, textured fish they could "feed" each time the child accomplished those two things. This child happens to love cereal, so I went online and printed out a bunch of real cereal box images and then laminated them as playing cards. Each morning the parent sees the child doing one of the two goals, he gets to feed the fish a box of cereal. At the end of the week, the boxes are counted up and a small reward is given.

I love this technique because it is reusable. You can adjust your goals after mastery. The key to any reward system is that the parents remain consistent. You can't be too tired or distracted one day because your child is building momentum. One missed morning to you may be no big deal, but may cause a setback for your child.

As always, resist the urge to narrate or offer lengthy reasoning. Get a vaccination to prevent this atrocity. Do not reply to sass. Keep restating what needs to happen like a broken record if need be. And whatever you do, don't let them see you lose your cool. (It's Academy Award time!)

Finally, enlist the cheers from the rest of the family. Sibling praises for the work of a special needs  child speak volumes. I think only the parent should hand out the cereal, though. That is the person the kids need to respect and listen to the most.

Whatever you do, don't rush or overcrowd what you are trying to teach. One thing taught and mastered without confusion is much more valuable than attempts to hit a number of things at once. Enthusiastically praise. Make a big deal and look your child in the eyes as you say "Way to go!" or "You did it!!" or "Thank you!!"  Sometimes, I like to affirm "I knew you could do that!"

I hope this inspires you in making routines fun for your family!

All in a Baby's Day

This is an excerpt from an article I wrote when our son was six months old - born 10 years after his sister - and I was learning and re-learning newborn parenting skills. Laugh again with me...


5:00 a.m. After hearing the 'call of the wild' and responding with a fresh diaper and early morning feeing, parents fall back asleep.

6:30 a.m. Realize that Baby kicking is a call to arms, at least one parent rises and heads for the shower. The other one sips warm water from the glass next to the bed, consoling Baby.

6:45 a.m. Exit shower and attempt to convince Baby that this dripping being is still you just wet and wrapped in towels.

7:10 a.m. Attempt to dress in front of Baby. Stumble to his room and provide him with a new diaper. Realize too late that the wood blinds are being sprinkled and will require a special cleaning procedure.

7:12 - 7:19 a.m. Clean off the window, blinds, changing table and wall as Baby lays shrieking in his crib.

7:29 a.m. Attempt to hold a brief family devotion in the kitchen. Feel relieved that God deeply understands people.

7:45 a.m. Feed Baby breakfast. Watch him practice pull-up exercises on your forearm. Return Baby to his seat after each bite. Wipe off your face, arm, chest and Baby's tray.

8:00 a.m. Pour a glass of water as you attempt to clean up the kitchen. Nibble on a cold bagel as you empty the dishwasher.

8:45 a.m. Baby's floor time! Put toys in front of Baby to discover. Put toys back when you see he would rather reach for the threads on your old couch.

9:00 - 9:40 a.m. Attempt to convince Baby it is time for morning nap. Once he has cried himself into a sweat, carefully place him in the swing and attempt to finish wiping off kitchen counter and table.

9:50 - 11:00 a.m. Laundry time. So much crying occurs as you are swapping loads you drop clean, wet clothes on dirty laundry room floor and forget what you were doing. Accidentally spill entire box of detergent into washer while trying to tune out Baby's shrieks.

11:05 a.m. Pour a glass of water and take 2 sips.

11:17 a.m. Receive a phone call from a friend who wonders why you never call them anymore.

11:23 a.m. Baby lets you know it is time to be fed again while you are still on the phone. He keeps letting you know until he has finished feasting, you have hung up and given him his 'Bink'.

11:36 a.m. Carefully carry a full and tired Baby across his room. You are about to put him down in the lovely crib you just had to have that he rarely sleeps in. As you bend down, hear Baby belch. Notice he has burped all over your shirt.

11:38 a.m. While changing your shirt, Baby notices you are no longer there and begins to shriek. Proceed to shove your head in an armhole.

11:47 a.m. Give up trying to stay home with Baby. Drive all over town for several hours trying to lull him back to sleep. He only listens to jazz music cranked loud enough to drown out his voice. Pray for green lights because he snaps awake the instant the gas guzzling SUV stops moving.

1:45 p.m. Arrive home tired and out of gas. Leave Baby in carseat in car and tiptoe into the house. Pour a glass of water and flip through the mail, unable to concentrate. Begin to play phone messages from more people who wonder why they don't hear from you.

1:48 p.m. Baby wakes up commanding attention.

1:55 - 2:45 p.m. Repeat morning routine. Take five bites of a banana. Pour a glass of water. Place Baby in cradle (another item you had to have) and sit down.

2:45 p.m. Begin to doze off watching an old 'Andy Griffith' rerun. The phone rings, you startle and answer it. Someone is offering you a dry cleaning discount.

3:02 p.m. Baby is asleep. A miracle! Your eyes are heavy. The world is quiet... Suddenly you realize you drive carpool and must get to school to pick up your older child. Drive to school with cool jazz blaring. Ignore stares of other parents wondering why someone your age still listens to music so loudly. Since your rear windows are tinted, no one sees Baby thrashing in the back seat.

3:25 p.m. Take Big Sister and Un-napped Baby to grocery store, the place where you keep all your food. Wander aimlessly up and down aisles, wondering what to make for dinner. Rely on the wisdom of a 10-year-old. Buy an extra package of Parmesan cheese, just in case.

3:50 p.m. While in the check out lane, growl at the latest cover of People featuring another celebrity mom with a baby the same age as yours looking more fabulous than ever. Mutter complaints to God about why your workout of lifting a 15-lb. baby in an 8-lb. car seat all day is not toning your arms like the picture. What about not even sitting down?

4:19 p.m. Big sister changes Baby while you put away the groceries and pour a glass of water. Wonder why you now have five packages of Parmesan cheese, Oreos and Popsicles but nothing for dinner.

4:30 p.m. Sister saunters into room. "Oh Mom, I forgot to tell you that something is wrong with my toilet and I need black shoes for my class play tomorrow."

4:48 p.m. Baby must eat right now. Feed him in ten minutes and clean up for twenty.

5:20 p.m. Ask Sister to mind Baby while you go upstairs to the bathroom. Hear Baby's screams reverberating through the floor. Rush downstairs without zipping jeans to find Sister blowing into Baby's face like a window fan - her technique to quiet him. Carry red-faced, sobbing Baby to safety and pour yourself a glass of water.

5:30 p.m. Call your husband on his cell and find out he is on his way home from work. Wait for him at the end of the driveway.

6:20 p.m. Remember the glass of water in the kitchen and discover it is warm.

6:30 p.m. Remember the laundry you left in the washer all day. Throw it it in the dryer. Even your new top with Big Sister's clothes. Later on, discover how many pieces of gum she had in her pocket.

7:05 p.m. Run over to Wal-Mart for the shoes and some Tylenol.

7:40 p.m. Somehow cook a family dinner. Baby notices everyone focused on their food and demands to be fed. Nurse Baby while eating. Watch in dismay as he yanks your placement out from underneath your plate of spaghetti.

8:20 p.m. The family takes Baby for a short walk. It takes 15 minutes to locate shoes, keys and the dog's leash.

9:00 p.m. After the walk, your Hubby tells you to take some time for yourself while he puts the kids to bed. Tip-toe upstairs to put away laundry. Find a warm glass of water on the bathroom counter.

9:07 p.m. You miss Baby on your hip and Sister chatting away. Tip-toe downstairs to peek. Hubby smiles and shakes his head at you.

9:11 p.m. While in Baby's room laying out his outfit for tomorrow, notice a warm glass of water on his upper closet shelf.

9:12 - 10:15 p.m. Big Sis goes back to bed. And back to bed. And back to bed.

10:20 p.m. Time for Baby's last feeding of the day. Throw on an old T-shirt and cuddle with him.

10:35 p.m. Sister is asleep. Baby is asleep. The dog is in her crate and the dishwasher is on. You hurry to fall asleep before someone needs you again. You've never been more tired or felt more complete.

10:37 p.m. Kiss Hubby good nite. Fall asleep thanking God for this ever-changing and wonderful season of nurturing your precious children - His gifts. Smile. Take a deep breath. While snuggling into your pillow, tell yourself you really must remember to wash your sheets tomorrow.