Want More, Have More, Buy More

That's what I told my kids ever since they were old enough to watch TV when commercials would come on. I would pause the ad and point to the screen. "See that?? The people who made this commerical want you to want that. They made this so you would think you need this. It's a trick." I repeated this, or asked them what they thought the media wanted them to think every time a commercial came on. And yes, I started this when they were under the age of two. And no, they didn't initially embrace my comments.

When each of my kids was first introduced to marketing greed inducers, they would tell me that the thing on TV was a good thing. And of course sometimes it was... like who doesn't need deoderant? I was laying the groundwork to build on later. In the early years, I just wanted them to see that when they saw a Cheerios commercial it was telling them to go get some "now" when it sould be their idea when it is they choose to eat cereal. Both of my four-year-olds argued with me and insisted there was nothing wrong with the nice car on the TV. And that toy certainly looked cool. I continued on with my mantra with a smile, certain things would "click" eventually.

Sometimes I even commented that a commercial made me want to go there to do that. But I followed it by saying that I would have to save up and that would take time. That beautiful resort in the Caribbean was going to have to wait though, because we needed new tires first. Once all the toy commericals revved up every November I had a lot of material to work with. That is when I introduced the concept of greed and the ability to wait.

Advertisers want us to throw the budgets and our patience right out the window and splurge on their items right away. Spending money without thought or money we really don't have (also referred to as a credit card) only causes a problem later on. Do we need Legos or food? If the purchase of Legos gets in the way of shoes or the electric bill, there's a problem. If we already have 15 toys that aren't cared for or played with often, why add to the clutter/

Sometimes I would agree that yes, that toy really was cool. Then we would strategize how to save for it. There were envelopes, jars and piggy banks we used for that. My kids learned that if they were saving for that American Girl doll and then spent part of their savings on a video, that doll was now farther from reality. If they insisted they really did want to spend their savings on something else, I only reminded them once that they had another goal, were they sure they wanted to deplete their nest egg for this? If they said yes, I was fine with that. Occaisonally they voiced regret several weeks later, at which point I encouraged them to keep saving. Yes, if they faithfully saved for something and came close to the purchase price, I would throw in a dollar or two or pay the tax. But they had to be responsible for 97% of the funds. And if they broke the thing they bought? No, that's not the time for mom or dad to replace it. Kids need to learn their is a natural consequence if they are not careful. If we dent our car, there isn't a fairy that repairs it for free.

All of this was done without nagging, lecturing or saying "See? I told you so!"

Right now I am plenty sick of material goods. In my career, I am in many homes belonging to families who could not exist without some form of government assistance. Without fail, their children manage to have more toys than mine did and we were not on assistance. They hit garage sales and clearance racks and buy, buy, buy. One only child had so many baby dolls and acessories, toys and games strewn around the house it literally looked like an erruption. More, more, more. And the child did not appreciate what she had. How could she? There were too many things to care for, and even though she was careless, her parent continued the supply.

I think North Americans just plain have too much stuff, and they ignore the cost in their quest to acquire more of it. Then they clutter up their homes with all of it - and when the house over flows, they park in the driveway and fill the garage. When the garage overflows they rent a storage unit. There is a reality show on cable about sleuths who find valuable items left behind when people forget or abandon their storage units. One of the reason I like IKEA is because their furnishings are simple and streamlined. People living in tight  quarters elsewhere in the world do not have the space to pile up stuff. How many stuffed animals does a kid need? How many hundred crayons?

How many board games? And, my pet peeve - how many videos? Especially now with Netflix, do you really need shelves full taking up space? Not only is that more to keep clean and dents the budget, vast quantities lined up like soldiers staring back creates a poor visual of plenty. Kids with lots of stuff don't have the opportunity to learn to care for what they have, and don't learn to wait for things. If they grow up getting the latest thing every time they blink, they will have succumed to Wall Street's mission to be disatisfied with life and want more, have more and need more. It's our job as parents to intervein and redirect how they process all the options out there just waiting to come home in our recyled shopping bag.

That's Not Funny, Steve Carrell

One of the funniest actors I enjoy is Steve Carrell. His ability to hold his face neutral while delivering inane dialog and get a huge laugh is admirable - and absolutely hilarious.

Recently he was on Jay Leno sharing a requisite "funny family story".  Apparently he accidentally rented an R-rated movie to show at his 9-year-old's big sleepover. They saw Predator. And now, chuckled dear Steve, he's known as "that dad" at his son's school.

That would be the dad who opened the door ahead of time. The dad who laughingly used poor judgement. The dad who permitted explicit media in his home geared toward a much more mature audience. Not only "that dad"... but the one who trumped the authority of other parents and choose for them. Repeat: he made the choice for other parents. That is not funny.

Parents: Never be the one known for having loose standards or the house where kids can get away with things. Never ever ever decide something so big as when a child will be introduced to mature content for another parent's kid. It's okay to go for it with little things like cookies or ice cream, but never anything as big as exposing someone else's child to material generated for older age groups. Carrell thinks most of the movie "went over their heads". Wait a few years for their vocabularies to grow and ask again. He was wrong.

No, Steve Carrell my favorite comedian and charming man, no. You blew something bigger than that one sleepover night and turned it into a "funny story thing".  This is much more than that. And what you did, you can't erase. You caused imprint on children's minds. Imprint that will weave its way through their current frame of references and leave acid droppings and questions on their future snapshots as they filter experiences and images while they continue to mature and develop. On behalf of the other parents, thanks for nothing. That was negative imprint.

Parents must respect other parents and err on the side of modesty. Much better to ask forgiveness for offering red meat  than a virtual introduction to "mature content". The red meat vegetarian parents don't want their kids to eat can leave the body within 24 hours, thoughts are there forever. This error cannot be apologized away. It's there.

Steve did not do this intentionally, I'm sure. He just wasn't on alert as a parent. The greatest influence we have on our children enters through their eyes and minds. Something many adults fail to place a high value on. The shorter ones are absorbing more than you think and watching you carefully. Humbly recognize this and adapt accordingly.

We held a lot of family events at our home where the kids ended up in the family room downstairs for a period of time. Our kids were in charge of monitoring which videos were watched and which video games were played. It was G only when other kids were over. Yes they resisted at first about my insistence that none of the other games we allowed them to play would be accessed for a couple of hours, but respected my request. When our daughter was 13 and hosting a slumber party, the girls wanted to watch a PG 13 movie. Knowing one of the moms was careful about content, I called and asked her if that was okay before showing it. She appreciated my contact.

I never want to be known as the house where something premature or unacceptable was introduced. It is each family's own business if and when they introduce any kind of media. This decision is not for any other person to make. Not an older sibling, grandparent or babysitter. It is up to the parents.

Heaven help you if you have family members or babysitters sabotaging you. Just don't be the neighbor or friend adding to it - kids are growing older at a rate much too young as it is and don't have the skills to handle their futures any faster.

If you need a nudge to believe me, just watch what no one even blinks at any more. We've been conditioned to normalize and laugh where we used to blink.  Culturally we have relegated caution to nostalgia. Let's bring it back and train the coming generations to age in a healthy sequence and not rush exposure to things they literally can't wrap their minds around til later. All that does is contribute to the plague of desensitivy.  And that really isn't funny.