The Morning After They Turn 15

Remember when it was exciting to turn 15 because in most states you can get a driver's permit? Some states even hire you for part-time jobs. Perhaps your parents relaxed some rules or gave you special privileges. It was the beginning of the outward recognition on the exciting road to adulthood.

Hello America 2013. Now your newly minted 15-year-old can legally obtain the "morning after pill" at the local drug store. No prescriptions required. No more hiding them behind the pharmacist's counter. They can now be on display and all a kid has to do is produce an I.D. Since many 15-er's don't drive, guess a school I.D. will do. No parental consent required.

The rights of parents to raise and guide their children continue to be attacked in this country. Imagine what will happen if some child thinks she is pregnant and takes the pill - all without her parents being aware? What are the side effects if there is no pregnancy and the kid is just over-reacting? What are the physical side effects if there is a pregnancy? Does a 15 year-old possess the thought processes necessary to follow the instructions and cautions, much less and read the fine print? What about the long-reaching emotional side effects?

Not only are our children encouraged to explore all sexual body functions at earlier and earlier ages, the media tells them it's all okay, no big deal and that everything can be "taken care of". Isn't that the child-like thinking we parents work years to coach our kids to overcome? We can't really always get our way. Our way may not even be close to "right". And everything isn't always "all better". This is called reality. Why is our culture working so hard against this?

So now conscientious parents face near legal action if they get in the way of the "rights" some entity out there has deemed the path of least resistance for American children. I mean, saying and enforcing a "no" takes far more energy than saying "yes" and looking the other way, doesn't it? Who was sitting around the decision-making table when it was determined that an entire new generation should be able to pop into Target and get these pills? Does that sound like the thinking anyone who cared about the psychological development of a kid would suggest? Or...is it someone who stands to gain financially?

America was founded on values and principles that people risked their lives for. Now we are a beacon of hand-outs and continually lowered standards so that no one is offended. In the process, our historical foundation is not only offended, it is destroyed. When you stand for nothing, you are nothing. What future is that for this country when our kids are so deceived and devalued?

I want parents to have the freedom and courage to train their kids to stand for truth and to value life at any cost. Yes, at any cost. Would you rather keep a job that corrupts your soul just for the money? Sadly - no alarmingly - that is what our country has become...chasers of things and excuses and escapes.

Don't you want to be a fly on the wall watching a pharmacist sell these pills to a kid the age of their own and see if they swallow hard?

Overheard at Target

In Target, my favorite endcap display is the one that says “As Seen on TV” and has all the gagets and gizmos offered for sale on TV if you just call an 800 number. Yet here they are and I didn’t have to make a call!

Well, here are some actual comments I’ve heard from parents directed at their kids:

“You just can’t be good, can you?!!”

“Stop it, I mean it, stop it. That’s the 10th time I’ve said this so STOP IT!!!”

“Now you can’t have your birthday party!!”

“How many times do I have to tell you this!!!”

“You just don’t want to listen, do you???”

“Your father should not have let you do that, he’s wrong.”

“You are a bad girl/boy!!!”

“Kid for sale!”

“You two are such brats, shut up!!!”

“I can’t WAIT til you go back to school!!”

“She’s a terror.”

“I will take away your Christmas presents.”

“You can’t ever have ice cream again.”

“How many times have I told you to leave your boots by the door???!”

Most of these comments were made under duress. Many of them were made in public as a frazzled parent was pushing a grocery cart with several kids in tow. I have noticed that the children do not react to these comments, which tells me they are not new. And of course there will still be Christmas presents.

Empty threats. We might as well just recite the Periodic Table, that doesn’t make sense to little kids, either.

Here’s a way to de-personalize teaching opportunities – omit the personal pronouns. Instead of “You go put your boots away!” calmly state: “The boots belong by the door.” Carry this further: “Feet go on the floor” (resist following that by “not on the furniture”), “Dirty dishes go in the sink”, “China is not touched”, “Inside voices inside the store”, “The water bucket stays outside”. Short, simple and instructional. Say it in a non-negotiable, calm voice as if the entire solar system follows this procedure. Expect the kids to follow through.

If you are teaching public behavior in the store, then I would add a “we”. “We stay by the cart (or in the cart) in the store. We listen to mom.” (Then if they don’t, do the thing I mentioned in an earlier blog and promptly leave the store. Do not check out or finish shopping.) I used to let my kids pick out a couple of food items during a grocery store trip. They could not exceed our limit, and learned to self-edit or replace items if they wanted something different from another aisle. “Can I just have this?” “Sure, just put something else back.” The thinking and selection was up to them, not for me to narrate.

Every once in awhile I hear a parent encouraging their kids in public. Here is where I would use the personal pronouns big time to affirm positive behaviors or decisions. “You are doing a great job of standing in the hotdog line.” “That was so thoughtful the way you held your sister’s hand.” “Thanks for staying so close to me while we walk through the parking lot.” “You listened so well, way to go!!” “Wow, thanks for holding the door for us” “You were so polite, awesome job buddy!”

The point is to affirm the act, not the person. If we tell our kids “Mommy loves you because you stood in line so well,” that places the condition of love on their appropriate response and they might not always respond correctly. Better to say “Mommy loves you all the time”, period and save the affirmation of the act for a separate sentence. Little kids are very literal. When we were moving and told our six year old son we would be taking his room, he wondered how the room would fit on the truck and attach itself to the new house. Simple, short sentences work best. “Every THING inside your room will come to the new house.”

If you have ever been that empty-threat parent described above, it is never too late to sit with your kids and apologize for the words you have used and ask for their forgiveness. Then ask God to do some erasing of those memories and move on.