Everything Isn't Always As It Seems

This summer I planted two tomato plants. At first I didn't even think they would grow because nothing seemed to happen for weeks. I just kept watering them. Suddenly, the plant on the right really sprouted. I kept watering both but thought we would probably lose the one on the left. Every few days the one on the right continued to surprise me and have another growth spurt.  It even gave birth to some green tomatoes. The one on the left finally decided to grow. It still hasn't produced any tomatoes, but it is flowering like crazy and is now taller than the one on the right.

I sure wouldn't have predicted this.

Isn't this just like life? Things look one way to us but often turn out surprisingly different once they unfold. Or, we just get more information.

Simple things like walking in the room and finding a broken lamp on the floor and several sheepish kids standing nearby. If we were but to ask "What were you trying to accomplish?" rather than begin a tirade, we might find out they weren't throwing things but were trying to dust the lamp.

Simple things like hearing screams and walking in on your kids fighting and assuming the loudest one or the oldest one surely must have started it. That quiet one, that younger one may just have your number and is enjoying their secret power.

Medium things like thinking your child who does not like school is a disappointment or isn't very smart because that is what their grades say. Perhaps they do not learn well in a classroom setting catering to auditory, compliant learners? Maybe they need to walk around as they read? Or maybe they might need extra help?

Medium things like getting an incident report sent home from your child's high school noting that your son vandalized property and immediately yelling at him. After all, he is one of those teenage boys. If you were to ask him before accepting the report as valid, you might learn all he did was unplug some computer cables in the PC lab out of boredom and the teacher checked the "most appropriate" box on a poorly designed form.

Hard things like your daughter's most smiley friend is actually the one with the most problems or is actually deviously hurting your child behind your back. Just because someone looks you in the eye and is a charmer doesn't mean that is who they are when you aren't around. Worse yet, a child in emotional or physical pain could do the same thing.

And the worst thing like your own child faking you out. They are so nice and compliant and never make a noise. They must be good, right? After all, they are quiet and they are good because they never make a peep and do well in school and might even volunteer at church camp. They feed you the lines you want to hear and you believe them... only to find out later you were played as they racked up warrants and failures such as stealing your credit card and getting DUI's. They just schmoozed you to get by and keep you in tow.

I have met people in each of the above examples. One is even mine. The stupid vandalism citation. The school's form actually categorized it as "terrorism" and did I let them have it for such a broad category. And yes, we told our son not to disrupt the class even though his father and I would have probably done the same thing. No harm was intended.

The reason I like my tomato plants is because something good and unexpected is happening  and I like to think that good things happen in life and that we should be less narrow minded and more hopeful. And we just need to keep watering so we don't miss out.

Titantic Truth

While watching the National Geographic Channel special last night, we learned new details about the sinking of the Titanic. Eye witnesses repeatedly told others for years (including congressional testimony) that the ship split in two. Eye witnesses. The Titanic Historical Society continually denied these accounts because of their theory that such a creation could not break in two. It was not until the actual wreckage was found in 1985 that the survivors' factual stories were finally proved true: there she lay at the bottom of the ocean, broken in two large chunks.

I think at the core of every human being is the need to be believed. Don't we want our words to be weighed and valued if not considered trustworthy? I know I sure do. I am a stickler about honesty and believe that our children should count on us that our "yes" is "yes" and our "no" is "no". If they grow up seeing us vacillate, change our minds or fret aloud about making decisions, how will they learn to confidently make their own decisions?

When our son was a Kindergartener, he used to try to get me to change my mind after I had already given him my answer.

"Don't you want to count on me?" I asked. He nodded affirmatively. "Do you want to believe me when I tell you anything?" Another nod. "Do you want to believe that there will be food in the house everyday for you to eat?" Again, yes. "Do you want to believe that I will pick you up after school every afternoon?" Yes.

"Well if I keep changing my words all the time, how could you feel safe every day? You wouldn't know what was true. That's part of my job - to keep you safe and secure, and part of that is when I say yes, I mean it. When I say no, I mean that too. That way you will always know that Mommie tells you the truth. You can count on me and believe it, and nothing will change that."

It only took a couple of times to get this point across. After that, the attempts to change my mind slacked off. When he did try, I simply asked him what he had heard me say. Then he would answer me.

"Have I ever changed my mind?" I reminded him.

No.

This was all said in a loving, upbeat and conversational tone, then I dropped the subject. So did he.

Free Range Kids

While driving, I heard an author of an exciting new book interviewed on the radio. I admit I only heard about 8 minutes minus the ads.

The author advocated letting today’s kids run around all day long with the freedoms from the “safe sixties”. She cited several studies that proved her correct.

As I listened, I clenched the steering wheel. NOOOOO!

It wasn’t that great that my parents trusted me to disappear for half a day then, and it isn’t good at all today. Parents MUST KNOW where there children are at all times, forget statistics.

I can remember playing in the woods at age 12 just a mile from our home. My friend and I heard an unsettling rustling and rode our bikes away with our neck hairs standing on end. Articulate as I was and as close as I was to my mother, it did not occur to me to ever tell her of our “scare”.

For this author to advocate kids without adult interaction and to “trust” them is insidious. The older kids are, the more they need a parent there to listen and download.

Free range chicken – I’m for ‘em!

Free range kids – not at all.