Titantic Truth

While watching the National Geographic Channel special last night, we learned new details about the sinking of the Titanic. Eye witnesses repeatedly told others for years (including congressional testimony) that the ship split in two. Eye witnesses. The Titanic Historical Society continually denied these accounts because of their theory that such a creation could not break in two. It was not until the actual wreckage was found in 1985 that the survivors' factual stories were finally proved true: there she lay at the bottom of the ocean, broken in two large chunks.

I think at the core of every human being is the need to be believed. Don't we want our words to be weighed and valued if not considered trustworthy? I know I sure do. I am a stickler about honesty and believe that our children should count on us that our "yes" is "yes" and our "no" is "no". If they grow up seeing us vacillate, change our minds or fret aloud about making decisions, how will they learn to confidently make their own decisions?

When our son was a Kindergartener, he used to try to get me to change my mind after I had already given him my answer.

"Don't you want to count on me?" I asked. He nodded affirmatively. "Do you want to believe me when I tell you anything?" Another nod. "Do you want to believe that there will be food in the house everyday for you to eat?" Again, yes. "Do you want to believe that I will pick you up after school every afternoon?" Yes.

"Well if I keep changing my words all the time, how could you feel safe every day? You wouldn't know what was true. That's part of my job - to keep you safe and secure, and part of that is when I say yes, I mean it. When I say no, I mean that too. That way you will always know that Mommie tells you the truth. You can count on me and believe it, and nothing will change that."

It only took a couple of times to get this point across. After that, the attempts to change my mind slacked off. When he did try, I simply asked him what he had heard me say. Then he would answer me.

"Have I ever changed my mind?" I reminded him.

No.

This was all said in a loving, upbeat and conversational tone, then I dropped the subject. So did he.

To Santa, or Not to Santa?

Over the years, parents have shared their questions with me about how to handle the whole Santa Claus thing with their children. If church-going, what do they do? If only concerned about Santa, what do they say the day their kids find out he isn’t real?

Once I heard Dr. Laura tell a concerned conservative caller it was okay for her five year old to tell his friends Santa wasn’t real. The doctor supported the caller’s wish to keep Christmas purely about Jesus, not about gifts. For her, there was no blend. It was one way or another: Santa yes or no.

I probably should stop and send this blog to Dr. Laura as well.

There is a happy medium! I oughta know, I’ve taught it to my children for over two decades and it works.

As a Christian parent, I did not want to take away anything from the true meaning of the Christmas celebration, that being the birth of Jesus Christ. Nostalgically I liked the Santa ideas. So we blended. Notice I did not say “compromised”.

I taught my children about the original St. Nicholas. The generous man who left small gifts for children on their doorsteps hundreds of years ago in Europe. This man had a spirit of generosity. The Santa we know in today’s culture is based upon this man who once really existed. People in our country dress up like Santa to represent the real St. Nick, that’s why we see representations all over the place, costumed in malls and on street corners.

There are families, I’ve told my children, who choose to make Santa a real being for their children. While we know this is not true, it is not our place to inform other children about what we know. We just go for the picture and the fun and the remembrance of St. Nicholas. Mouths shut. Tell kids about the St. Nick from long ago.

Our “Santa” left a gift on Christmas Day. Originally the gift was a biggie, then it moved to overflowing stocking stuffers, these days it is one item that actually fits in the stocking. We’ve even moved to ONE gift from parents on Christmas Eve and no Cards mailed. Getting rid of the commercialism as much as possible.

So Dr. Laura, there is a way to blend “Santa” with reality after all!

Ho, ho, ho…