Are you familiar with the animated TV show Family Guy? I'm not. Just the commercial where little Stewie stands in a doorway saying "Mom. Mom. Mom. Mommy. Mommy. Mommy. Mama. Mama." His irritated mother sighs, "What?"
"Hi." That's all he wanted to say. Just hi. But he hammered away to get her attention first.
Most of us have probably felt exhausted from similar demands from our smaller kids. I know that's why I laugh at this commercial now. In fact my senior son and I have turned it into a joke.
Have you ever been at a friend's house engaged in a serious conversation when one of their kids trots into the room and asks for something? Perhaps even something they could do for themselves. "May I eat a carrot?" "Can I go to the bathroom?" "Will you pour me some water?" Anything like these I say they should be able to do for themselves. But I've seen the mom go get that carrot, interrupting the synch of our conversation at the same time scolding that kid she is talking with another adult.
What about when a sibling tumbles in and says the other one won't let them play the Wii? Or tattles about the mean face that was made? The mom marches to the foot of the stairs and calls out for all the kids to play nice, then returns to you with a sigh. A few minutes later both of these scenarios are repeated only this time it's too close to dinner so absolutely no snack. As they pour their own water, the mom says to you "Just a sec - Hey!! Don't spill on my clean floor!" then returns to the disjointed conversation.
Some moms can tell the future so they lecture ahead of time. You are on the phone this time and she pulls away to tell the kids they had better not drop those towels on the floor like the last time. Or, they see their kid doing a craft and have to tell them this very minute that the glue should be dotted like this instead.
All the while, you are waiting patiently to continue the conversation but by now you have lost your train of thought. The mom complains about how needy her kids are and how she can't get much done because of them.
She doesn't realize she has created all of this by the way they micromanage or hover. I like to call it helicopter parenting. Always there, aware of everything going on and ready to direct, fix or opine. It's one of the worst things we can do as parents. Offering to guide and narrate everything going on in the house - or in their lives. When will it be okay for these kids to begin to make their own decisions? Are they going to wait until driver's ed class?
Start with the little things and build. Tell your kids they can play the Wii for whatever period of time you pick and that they have to work out their own turns. Then step out of it and go do something else. If one of them comes to tell on the other, calmly turn off the game. Repeat each time until they get the idea that their time with the Wii is their time - not yours to supervise. I believe kids as young as 5 should learn how to pour water and get simple snacks. Rather than teaching them to ask mother bird for every worm, establish guidelines where they have the freedom to serve themselves according to your household rules. If they don't follow, they don't get to do it next time.
Most moms will agree that as soon as they begin talking on the phone or visiting with another adult, their kids flock to their side suddenly in dire need to say something. Here's a simple "Interruption Technique" I like to teach. When your child has something to say, they come and stand quietly next to you and tap you gently on the arm, and wait. You continue to talk, but tap your child back on their arm. The "code" you just used without saying a thing was that he has something to say and you are acknowledging him, and when you are done with your sentence he will be addressed. Kids love hearing they get to have a code with you! And if you are upbeat when you teach this, they'll follow. Tell them how great they are doing and you've just nipped a major chunk of interruptions out of your future.
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