I've heard this statement many times over the past six years - ever since the economy tanked and unemployment soared. People with fantastic resumes, solid careers and stellar experience in any number of fields found themselves victims of downsizing and competing with teens for entry level Target jobs at an 80% cut in pay just to literally keep bread on the table.
These families have been hit hard. With the job loss comes the threat of bankruptcy, foreclosure or both. We live in one of the hardest hit counties in our state and know dozens of families whose lives have taken severe turns in the past few years. They've lost homes, vehicles, businesses and retirement funds while struggling to raise their children at a time when the cost of living only continues to rise. Their children continue to need to eat, outgrow winter coats and see the dentist. They want their children to continue to participate in sports or recreation programs or music lessons. All of this costs money they no longer have so much of.
The people I know that fear the sheriff's notice on the door are hard working and continue to job hunt. They have cut back on themselves while putting any extra pennies toward those dance lessons or soccer uniforms. Target and other big box retailers no longer have to worry about finding good people to hire - the options are endless. A local bank president dignifiedly donned his red shirt and khakis when his institution folded overnight. A bank president.
So as parents, what do we do at Christmas time when the media bombards us with all the gift giving magic we're supposed to experience? The BMW commercial with the car at the front door and the ginormous red bow? The fruit commercial where even your mailman gets this special array? The end-caps with holiday packaged pump soap and plastic bags? Everywhere we turn we are "told" to celebrate by spending and getting.
Not only is this the time for financially strapped parents to take a step back and evaluate how they approach gifting, I think it's the time for every family to retool.
For the struggling families - even those who receive state or non-profit "Christmas assistance" to "gift" the kids - think about this. Why pretend all is well when it isn't? The number of parents who insist on flooding their kids with gallons of gifts they can't afford stuns me. It is okay to have a careful Christmas. When I share this thought, people look at me strangely. So I repeat myself.
I think it is okay to gently share the financial reality with your kids. You do not overburden them, but you certainly can let them know what you can afford. Just make the statement simple and remain calm. "Everyone is going to get 2 presents. One will be something they need and one will be a toy." If you have to worry that your kids won't be happy or have a "good" Christmas based upon the number or value of their presents, you have been teaching the wrong message.
Contrary to the media's message, Christmas is not about Santa and "what you want". (Ever watched a toddler more fascinated with the unwrapping than the actual gift?) It's not about how many things you open or how much money is spent. It is supposed to be about the birth of Jesus Christ (The Savior we sing about in Christmas carols - that guy). The trees, the gifts, the food -- that is all just culturally added stuff. If you teach your kids that it is Jesus's birthday party, you're on the right track. I know people who actually bake cupcakes with their kids to make the point. When our kids were little, we limited each child to three gifts to mimic the three gifts Jesus received from each traveling Wise Man. We filled stockings with all kinds of goodies, but as the kids aged we changed the contents to more silly items and candy rather than more gift cards.
Each year, we have tried to participate in some form of reaching out to those less fortunate than us. Even on the years when we were the less fortunate ones. Six years ago we became one of those families I began this blog talking about. Six years ago we were forced to change our Christmas even further. Six years ago we became free of stuff, more resilient to the media and have delighted in the best Christmases ever.
Christmas became family-focused on our memories, food and time together. We have anticipated and enjoyed wonderful meals and cut back on gifts even further. A well-thought out ornament is more meaningful than another "thing" to dust. Making a quilt or crafting something from Pinterest is far more personal than a mall item. There is no "what-do-I-get-them" stress, cuz we don't. We were primed for this because we had already been taking baby steps.
Baby steps? We stopped sending cards over a decade ago - they're just too expensive with postage. Even longer ago we pulled our kids out of the extended family gift exchanges because we didn't want them getting more stuff. We wanted them to develop the ability to appreciate simple gestures, not drowning under wrapping paper. Sometimes we even combined birthday and Christmas gifts into one item that further enhanced our goal.
Our result? A happy, stress-free Christmas season culminating with a wonderful celebration of Christ's birth. We use the time we aren't in the malls or fighting for parking spaces to do something simple together. Like decorate the tree, make cookies, or laugh at a TV show. Our kids value memories over stuff and we have no apologies or regrets.
Oh, and one year I even dared myself not to do a tree! Guess what? It was still Christmas here.
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