When our son was 3, his 13-year-old sister was babysitting him one summer day. Fed up with his toddler table manners, she created his very own Manners Camp. Her curriculum included proper posture, placement of napkins and elbows and correct use of utensils. They practiced over and over. When I got home, she eagerly informed me that her little brother had gone to Manners Camp and done very well. I'll never forget the smile of accomplishment on her face as he proudly demonstrated sitting at the table and chewing with his mouth closed. Just one visit to that "camp" made a big difference in his life.
As I navigate a typical day and encounter different people, I wish everyone could go to Manners Camp. Aside from teaching proper table manners, a few more topics need to be covered. It's a head-scratcher why those in authority over impressionable children do not work on training basic polite behavior that includes the fact that there are indeed other people in the world beside ourselves.
1. No spitting unless it is in your bathroom sink. Argh, I've had huge wads of spit ejected out of male mouths ages 5 - 55 walking right in front of me. Sometimes I have to step around the glop they left on the sidewalk. Teen boys are the worst offenders, but dads do it too. When they do that, they are displaying a lack of concern for anyone else.
2. Have your conversations in public off to the side - not in the middle of an aisle in a store. What are other shoppers supposed to do, go around you while you block their way and chat on? If you stand off to the side you can have your conversation and others can shop. Double win. Last week I hit the jackpot - two middle-age men stood chatting in the middle of the parking lot lane completely oblivious to me in a car trying to get past them! I had to sit and wait for them, no kidding. Where did they learn to ignore a 3,000 ton vehicle much less other person?
3. Don't interrupt unless it's an emergency. This one really bugs me, especially when I am speaking to an adult and their kids burst in. Rather than tell their child not to interrupt, many will pause our conversation to answer the kid demand. All that does is teach them that it is acceptable to keep one's needs at the top of the list. I love it when kids who have been trained to be polite stand quietly at the elbow of an adult patiently waiting their turn to ask their question.
4. Clean up after yourself...and even others as you go. This is so easy and expeditious. Just bring your empty glass to the sink when you are done. Take the one next to it along. Walking back upstairs? Bring any item you know belongs there rather than leaving it for a return trip. Getting out of the car? Don't forget your empty water bottle and any other trash sitting around. This demonstrates the concept of thoughtfulness.
5. Hold the door open for others. This common courtesy has all but vanished in North America. Even when my youngest was in a stroller 16 years ago, businessmen entering a coffee shop right in front of me would let the door slam in our faces. Just. Plain. Rude. We can all do with some more thinking about the person coming after us, especially if their arms are full.
6. Say Thank You. And when you do it, make eye contact and smile. When I shop, clerks hand me my purchase and say "there you go" or "have a nice day." Kids of all ages must learn to thank someone for a kindness, and when they are old enough to work or babysit, they need to say thank you to their customer. I used to try to have my child write the thank-you note before even playing with the gift.
7. Replace the empty roll of toilet paper. How many times have you been stranded in the Loo because the person who last used the facility took the last bit of toilet paper? Even if you are at a friend's house, let the host know the roll is empty. Don't send the message that even what you do in the Loo is more important than anyone else by leaving them without this basic need. This is the ultimate insult to others.
Failure to teach our children these simple acts of humanity will result in the dreaded rude drivers of the future. Rude drivers are the ultimate gasp on my Bad Manners list. You know who they are. They are the ones who won't let you merge even with your turn signal on. The ones who speed up so you can't get in or are trying to slow down so you can turn. The ones who give you the rude finger gesture for being in their way...and then they go home and say hello to the wife and kids. Do you want your kids to be that father? The one who behaves rudely in public but is nicer to those he knows by name? I don't. This selfish behavior started a long time ago by what wasn't taught when the opportunity was there.
Make the most of your Manners Camps while you can, so you can launch an adult who recognizes there are others in the world beside themselves. Too bad that is such a novel concept in this self-indulgent age.
...Trying to make a dent...
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