What Toys Do My Kids Really Need?

There's a reason why IKEA stores are so attractive. If you don't have one near you, go online. The room settings are simple, with plenty of open space. There's no clutter and there are asthetically pleasing containers and hooks to store everything for every room in your home. IKEA gets it. Too much stuff not only makes a mess, it causes silent stress. You see a pile and unconsciously think about getting around to tackling it. You see open space on your coffee table and you smile.

My point is that kids don't need as much stuff as the commercials - or they - tell you. Pick a few categories and be sure you have something in each one. Avoid the dollar stores unless you have a bin for plastic junk. They don't need every video game. Or latest video. With technology you can watch most movies or TV shows on the internet for a small subscription.

What categories do I reccommend?

- Something to encourage large motor skills

• Large Ball
• Bike, Scooteer or Roller Blades
• Jump Rope

- Something to encourage creativity

• Legos! Legos! Legos!

- Something to develop reading skills

• Library picture books (add chapter books by first grade)
• Reading Apps downloaded on your tablet
• Read daily to your child aloud (free)

- Something to encourage their art (my favorite is a tackle box containing the following):

• Crayons, colored markers, colored pencils
• Craft scissors
• Glue Stick or Glue Dots
• Scotch Tape
• Paper punches

- Something to encorage logical thinking:

• Checkers (and Chess) board game
• Knex and Imaginex building kits
• Circuit Board or robotic sets
• Puzzles
• Maze books, Word Finds, Crossword puzzles

-Something to inspire imaginative play

• Large moving or appliance box ro decorate
• Puppets (you can make them out of old tube socks)
• Varitey of costume pieces, hats, masks
• Dolls or action figures
• Toy trucks, cars or boats
• Plastic animals (we had dinosaurs)

Make sure you have something from each category - especially covering areas you are weak in. Just because I didn't know how to play ball didn't stop me from getting one for my kids. Don't skip on books even if you aren't the best reader. Put yourself away and focus on your child's need to develop into a well-rounded person.

As they continue to grow, you will notice the things they really enjoy and you can expand that category. By the same token, you may notice that item that is never played with so you don't need to add another one. I always kept coloring books and blank paper near the art box. My girl loved creating her own art. Our son was more interested in how many stickers he could fit on a page.

Christmas does not have to go on your credit card, and it doesn't need to be a sea of trendy beeping things that do all the playing for your kids. Toys are supposed to encourage imagination. That's why I love my list.

Happy Shopping!

My Favorite Way To Teach Responsibility

When my first born entered the world I entered the mysterious role of parent. She was an answer to my dreams and I marveled at everything about her, including her messy diapers. All was amazing. In my newfound euphoria, I would tiptoe into her room in the middle of the night and bask in the glow of the nightlight as I gazed upon her new belongings and smiled that all was well. For now, I was the one who put the little bear on the shelf and set some books just-so. In the near future more belongings would be added and she would be the one handling them. Bliss.

What I didn't learn right away was that while it was a joy to see her developing and exploring, I needed to teach her how to take care of her things, too. Yes, I was the mom who ran the Duplos through the dishwasher and rearranged her stacking cups and took inventory of the toy basket in the living room. I loved putting everything away for her.

Her artistic flair emerged early so we were long on the craft supples. By the time she was in Kindergarten, my self-proclaimed "Junk Artist" was collecting empty containers, bits of string, bottle caps and just about anything that could be repurposed and cut, taped, glued or nailed into a "sculpture". Since her art was so meaningful, I took seriously her desire to save things and soon found a large moving box to keep these possibilities in the garage for the moment when a whim hit.
After awhile she was less interested in that form of art, but because she might get back to it one day, I ignorantly saved the box. It wasn't until we moved in Second Grade that I struggled but parted with the contents of her box.

That is when I asked myself the all-important parenting question: Why does that mean more to me than it does to her? Talk about an eye-opener! I was managing her junk and she was off doing something else with complete abandon. Time to switch that around. Just because I loved her and everything that touched her life didn't mean I needed to be the one to handle it.

After I dumped out all the junk from that big box, it was my turn to repurpose and The Take-Away-Box was born. Since that time, I have introduced this concept to hundreds of parents in a variety of venues. My daughter once said, "Mom. Please quit telling all my friends' parents your ideas. They are getting mad at me."

Here's how it works. All you need is a kid who gets some allowance regularly and a big box. I did not pay allowance for chores, it was given to teach money management. (Save, Give, Spend.) Our expectation was that by bedtime each night, all items and toys were to be picked up and put away. After they went to bed, if I found something out of place it went in the Take-Away-Box and had to be bought back. Each item was a quarter, so a pair of shoes in the middle of the room cost 50 cents to redeem. After my daughter taught me that she would just leave that pair of shoes in the Box and wear another pair, I introduced the principle of compound interest. It now cost a quarter each day and if items were still there at the end of the month they were donated.

Markers, Barbies, books, coats and even a violin had to be bought back. It still makes me chuckle to recall the day my girl had to buy her raincoat back because it was raining. And was she ever bummed to have left all those Legos out!

This was such a de-stressor for our family. We would just calmly plop the out-of-place item in the Box and go about our own business. No lectures. No comments. We were very pleasant about the "deposits". Sometimes I would rub my hands together and ask what she planned to leave out because "Mama wants a Mocha!" At the height of the season that we used The Take-Away-Box I did get about one "free" Mocha a week. After ourconsistent response to items not put away throughout the house, our kids did learn that they can't drop and leave things all over and began to set their backpacks near the door, pack up the Crayons and put the game in the closet. The best part about this - aside from me Moachas - was that I didn't hear myself nag or repeat instructions. I didn't even have to talk. When they went looking for something the next day and asked about it I would chirp "Oh, that's in the Take-Away-Box." No further discussion. Nothing came out unless it was financially recovered.

Although we didn't pay for basic chores (beds, dishes, garbage) and expected participation with those as family members, we did offer extra opportunities to earn money so there was a cash flow they learned to manage. Bathroom sink and mirror cleaning was 50 cents. Vacuuming a room was one rate, an entire floor another. The Take-Away-Box taught them that if they didn't care for their things no one else was, either. And that larger toy they were saying up to buy might just have to wait because they had to buy back their library books first.

Any child in Kindergarten on up can benefit from this hands-on technique. When they are getting closer to Middle School, it's time to change it up if they are still offending. We did not have to use it very long at all because the kids determined they would rather spend their money on other things. I sure did like those Mochas though.

Really, This Toy??

I make it a practice to stroll toy aisles and see what is given prominence for kids toys, especially since my kids have outgrown toys and the only toys I like to play with are the classic ones.

Last week, I came upon these uh, dolls. Take a look at their faces! What does this say to you? To me I see scars and darkness. Who plays with dolls? Not kids who enjoy scars, and many are actually trying to overcome a fear of darkness. Look at their eyes. Nothing... The vacant look on their faces has me wondering who would want to cuddle such an item? Who would want to play house with that as the "baby"?

What were the architects of this line of toys thinking when they sat around the boardroom table tossing around new concepts? "Hey! Let's create some freak rag doll playing off that whole vampire craze! We can get the really little kids with this." "Excellent! Put some scars on it and x out the eyes. We'll outsell American Girls by far with our price points."

The influence we have on children should be taken gravely. It is an honor to teach or parent a young mind. What we do or do not do can have life long impact. My desire is that what I put out there for my child's mind contributes to their imagination in secure and positive ways. Therefore, they did not accompany me to R rated movies, smoke-filled bars, tattoo parlors or the edge of a cliff. We did not read horror stories and were even careful with Bambi.

The toys we provided inspired creativity, dramatic play or problem solving. They did not do the thinking or branding for them, they did not provide any fodder for haunting thoughts. We also stayed away from too many tie-in toys. You know, where a hot kids movie inspires sleeping bags, PJs, back packs, characters, etc. Yes, there were some. Who can resist a Woody or a Buzz? But they were balanced with Legos, books and bikes, rocks and sticks.

Not only do I not want my kids to be flooded with commercialized characters everywhere (and thus become conditioned to fall for the theme toothpaste or bandaids), I do not want to put anything in front of their eyes that sends a message that body mutilation or anything else that is darkly marketed as attractive is a way of life. To me, this toy sells fear and darkness and is inappropriate.