That's right. I started teaching my kids the principles of driving right out of the womb. While it was intentional, it obviously wasn't structured. I was well aware that was a mere baby back there. No, it was just part of everyday life. After all, isn't that a moral obligation when you are in the top tier of the world's best drivers?
My kids grew up hearing me pray each time I started the car. They observed that we all buckle up and that if another car lets you merge, you wave "thanks". They watched us slow for pedestrians and keep a safe distance from the cars in front of us.
They heard me praying for the thoughtless drivers, too. Frequently overheard was something like this, "Dear Lord, please help the person who almost just ran us off the road to drive safer." One day when my son was three, someone was really driving poorly and I muttered, "Idiot." Unfortunately that introduced a new vocabulary word heard around the house. I had to sit with him and apologize for that one and then tell God - also in front of him - how sorry I was for using such a rude word. In the future I used a new made-up word when frustrated called "I -Dot". I taught my son it meant that someone wasn't using their whole brain when they needed to. Once my beginning reader asked from his backseat perch, "The sign says 4-5. Are we going 4-5 Mom?" We sure were...now that I knew my son knew the speed limit.
One of the biggest things my kids learned during their left and right brain development was that I prayed whenever we heard a siren. Even when we didn't know whether it was a fire truck or an ambulance going off, we lowered the radio volume and prayed for that sound in the distance announcing that people needed help for something. Just a short sentence prayer. I explained that we may be the only ones who had ever prayed for them, modeling the value of even one prayer.
Okay, so the foundation was set. We continued to drive and pray as our kids grew. When they were early teens, I started to provide more narrative. Once in awhile, I pointed out various drivers and what to watch for, or what not to do. (Like the day a guy in a pickup purposely didn't let us merge and nearly forced us of the road and then laughingly bolted into the open lane and sped by, proud of his terror-causing while girlfriend sat by his side. No, don't be like that and pray for a girl who thinks that is a good guy to date.) We began asking him to help navigate the map on road trips and help with directions to new places. Rather than just allowing them to remain a passive passenger, we made sure they recognized major roads and the routes to our regular haunts. Unlike some kids I have met, they could give directions to get home. A skill I found important one day when trying to drive my girl's school chum home and that kid had no idea where she lived.
When our son hit 15, I started the serious tutoring. Out came the earbuds every few car rides and he was to eagle eye everything I was doing and describe it. After one of these exercises, he remarked that it was hard to be so aware and alert. I told him he was right, it takes every bit of concentration and focus each time he gets behind the wheel. Because every time he turns the key in the ignition, he is taking his life and the lives of others in his literal hands. He learned to be careful in parking lots and watch for wandering little ones, and that if you see a ball roll in the street, kids will follow. If you see one kid on a bike, chances are there's another one coming. He learned not to let the car behind you ride your bumper and that you use turn signals before you turn - not while you are turning. And most important to me, he learned to start every single drive with a prayer.
In my thinking, just because a kid attains the legal age to obtain a permit does not mean that they automatically have the right to one. Before any child of mine slips behind the wheel, they have to prove they are teachable and that they listen. If they don't demonstrate that, they aren't going to drive...yet. I've heard parents say "No B's, no keys" and focus on academic performance before letting their kids drive. To me, it's the character of the person - not the GPA - that matters most. If they aren't listening to you at home, they aren't gonna listen to you saying from the passenger seat "slow down" or "watch out". You don't need to place your life in jeopardy in order to teach your willful teen to drive. So, wait until they have six months of consistent listening under their belts. If they still won't listen, remember you do not owe them a license - not like this. Let them wait until they are 18 if you have to. Then they can pay for all of it themselves.
If you are the parent who waits to observe evidence of maturity, kudos! You are protecting others as well. And so what if you have drive them around more in the meantime? Your momentary inconvenience is teaching a lifetime lesson. Driving is a privilege, not a right.
Speaking of privileges, I would not let my kids get their licenses until they had enough money to consistently pay for their car insurance and gas. My thinking: until they can pay the minimum, they can get rides. When they are out on their own, they will need to handle everything financial about the car they drive. This is the time - while they live safely with you who loves them - to introduce and enforce this adult-real-life concept. Don't make it easy for them, this is a huge responsibility.
If your kid demonstrates negligence, irresponsibility or carelessness, take away access to the keys. Especially if they are making life h*ll at home. I knew a mom who proudly told me her disobeying, lying kid was grounded from driving - except for going to and from school, his job and youth group. Grounded from what, then? That self-described perfect mom replied that she wasn't about to start driving him everywhere. The result? Ongoing arrogance from a kid who got their way. And another one of those dreaded drivers out there. I knew another mom who felt guilty if she drew the line and didn't let her kid get his license. He bullied her into it. Now there's a disrespectful, angry kid driving around. Mom didn't listen to me when I stated "please don't arm him - a car is a weapon". So I told her that I hope her kid never drives near my family, thank you very much.
When our girl was learning to drive, we lived in a state with strict driving laws. Once licensed, teens had to drive for an entire year alone before they could have a passenger along. That legislation curtailed a huge percentage of teen driver deaths. When our second child learned to drive in another state, we kept that "law" as a guiding principle. You bet they shouldn't have other people in the car. Too many distractions. Focus on the road, everyone. Please.
This is one of the most seriously concrete milestones kids experience. As parents, let's be selective about when we allow it to happen. There's absolutely no rush to increase a level of responsibility if they aren't ready.
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