In one episode of the classic sitcom I Love Lucy, Ricky was reading the newspaper at the breakfast table mumbling "Yes dear" to each of Lucy's attempts at conversation. This scene has been reenacted in other programs, movies and comic strips - the wife is ignored by her distracted husband. He was not fully present. It is supposed to be funny.
Today anyone can avoid being fully present if they have a smart phone. We can use the time waiting in line to check for email or snoop on Facebook. The 30 minute oil change flies by when we read or watch the news on our phone. While watching a cable movie, we can Google IMDb and solve the mystery of who that one actor in the back is. There are indeed many benefits to the device that fits in the palm of our hand. Did you know there is more technology in an iPhone than in the first craft to land on the moon in 1968?
Maybe we have it too good? As a seasoned family coach, pastor and child advocate I am always observing how families relate to one another in public. It is a switch that knows no "off" setting. Toddlers in grocery carts will stretch their necks to send me a grin and of course I return that blessing. Worried parents will look down and wonder why the smile fest with a stranger.
Most of the time when I see families out in public where they are waiting in line or sitting in the Target cafe eating pizza, the parents are not really there. Oh sure, their bodies are there, but their minds are not. They are either scrolling on their smart phone touch screen or talking to someone on the phone. The kids are left to chew to themselves and look around. Funny, don't the parents realize that their kids hear every word? Just because the conversation isn't directed at them doesn't mean they aren't listening, comprehending or remembering.
The kids are learning what is being unintentionally taught: mom has other things to do, they aren't important enough to focus on, meal time is a function not requiring interaction. You get the idea. Remember, what is projected as normal is what kids think of as normal. Example: I have met adults who never celebrated Valentine's Day growing up so it has no meaning for them. Then they marry someone who has a huge value attached. Feelings are hurt until both come to realize what they had "learned" growing up. I hope all the kids sitting next to a parent so occupied by a smart phone today don't pass this on to their families. We need people to know how to be with one another.
Once I saw a mom eating with her three boys in the Target cafe. She made sure to engage each child in a lively lunchtime conversation. The boys' body language was alert and everyone was making eye contact. No one hung their head out of boredom. You could hear laughter as they enjoyed one another. As they all cleaned up after themselves (thoughtful, too!) I approached the mom. I just had to tell her she had made my day by being so engaged with her sons. She grinned appreciatively, but you could tell this was something she did all the time, not something she did intermittently.
I read a blog recently that asked the question: Are you taking pictures of your kids on Instagram to post in place of actually being with them? Very good thought. We can "post" our way through our days so easily now.
Let's be sure when we are at the park, we are at the park. When we are at the table, we are at the table. Don't let an "important" call or email intrude on your family time. In 20 years, the ones who called/texted/FB'd/emailed/etc will not remember their interruptions, but your kids will remember if you were "there" or not.
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