Recently, I told someone I was a "professional new person" because I had moved so many times and had been the new one at church often. I've moved locally and I've moved states. As an adult, I love, love, love change! I rearrange as often as possible. My hair color is frequently tweaked. That got me thinking about navigating change, and how important it is the younger the child.
When our son was younger, he needed to know what was coming during each section of a single day. He wanted to know what to expect and that gave him comfort. Change can be about a move, but it can also be about a life transition. I will talk from the viewpoint of moving, but points are applicable to anything that shakes up what has come to be the usual routine. It's all about keeping kids feeling as secure as possible when a move comes up.
1. Let the kids know ahead of time what is coming down the pike...in small chunks. Almost a year before we moved across country, we would ask our 1st grade son every once in awhile if he would like to live with a flat yard where he could play outside. Be upbeat, be brief, then drop it. We'd just say we liked that idea, too and we would try and work on that.
2. When it comes time to move, involve the kids in packing up. Give them a box and some paper to wrap their stuff. Show them what you want them to pack, then step aside. You might say something like "pack up all your American Girl dolls like this". Help them label and tape their box and affirm their work. If they are older, show them how to build and tape the box from start to finish.
3. Involve the kids in any moving sales. Negotiate what money they can keep based on what they choose to sell. I blew it with my first big move and let my 8-year-old daughter sell a special gift she had received as a baby (ooops) plus all her Barbies because I was distracted and she wanted money. All $5.
4. Help the kids see the big picture. The map! Pictures of the new house. Floor plans you sketch. If you are driving, give them a highlighter so they can can mark off the miles along the way. Have them take pictures on the trip that they can make into a poster or scrapbook.
5. Let your imagination run wild. Have the kids write a story based upon their favorite toy's perspective of the move. (I wrote a story for our son about our move) Have a special party with good friends. Affirm the current friendships.
6. Once you are in your new home, unpack the kids room(s) first, then the kitchen. The kids need to be anchored. Then you need a central zone to operate from. Everything else falls in after that. Let the kids pick how they want their rooms arranged or painted. Have some things set aside for them to play with while you unpack the kitchen so you can remember where you put that food chopper or the glasses. (I like the "Unpack Me First Box" with the basics we all look for right away from toilet paper and soap to Post-Its or you fill in the blank...)
7. There are a number of ways to assimilate into the new community. Find the local schools, begin visiting churches. Register your kids for community sports - even if they have never tried them before. Look for a MOPS Group (Mothers of Preschoolers) or MITI Group (Moms in Touch Int'l prayer group) though the local schools. Volunteer in the community. (My daughter and I became docents at a small museum in the Gold Rush area.) Find a Kids Bible Club or summer camp. Volunteer in classrooms at school or in church. Take weekly exploratory drives to see what's out there.
8. Overall, the more frank and positive the parents are, the better the kids will deal with any change. Affirm the kids' comments and adjustments and pray together as a family. Let the kids hear you look to God.
9. Encourage friendships old and new. Plan a visit from old friends. Help your kids find ways to invite possible new friends to do something. We have had parties for no reason with silly games and make-your-own mini pizzas. We've invited the whole neighborhood to BBQ or roast marshmallows.
10. Keep taking the pulse. Be on top of what your kids are thinking, feeling and experiencing. Whether you go on a walk, get some yogurt from the local shop or sit and talk, determine to know how your kids are processing what is going on.
I have been moving since the 3rd grade and don't have the history many others have of living near life-long friends or family. A huge move my family made was in the middle of my junior year in high school. While it was hard at the time, I loved what I learned in our new region and was more prepared to go off to college than most of my classmates who had yet to experience any big change.
Because of my moves, I feel that I have been strong at coaching our kids when we have moved anywhere. They have both landed well. Our daughter is "out of the nest" and already has some big moves of her own under her belt and plunges into her new communities and makes a difference. What more is there than that? Helping our kids to know they can go anywhere and value others and give back. Count me in!
They used to call this "blooming where you are planted". I like that.
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