Is This For You or For Them?

Did you grow up playing the piano - so now your kids have to?

When you were in grade school, did you attend a Bible club - so yours do now?

Did your mom pierce your ears as an infant, so that's what you did to your baby?

Do you carry on a childhood Sunday night Family Dinner Night tradtion today?

Some nastalgic tradtions pass on meaning to future generations. How wonderful to clear calendars and gather for a meal with relatives - especially in today's shrinking margin of free time. Perhaps infant ear-piercing has a significance in your family.  The 1950s TV show Leave it to Beaver had the family dress for their nightly dinner at the dining room table. And don't piano lessons teach responsibility? Awwww.

If you have fond memories of attending a church sponsored children's club, there is a strong likelihood you may want to share that with your children. Often, it's the parents who never participated in church activities as a child that are insistent in providing that experience for their children today. Sometimes, it's the opposite: they grew up spending so much time at church they are burned out and decide their children "can choose for themselves" at some point.

Same goes with music lessons.

The trouble with not being intentional about what we expose our children to during their developing years is that their filter is not well-balanced.

How will they know they might like to skate if they never get to try? How can they know their soul sings when they paint if they are never exposed to it? If they aren't introduced to soccer, how will they know if they are good at kicking? Same goes with church. Kids only know what they experience in their everyday lives. My goal was to ensure that physical, spiritual and artistic categories were covered over a dozen + years so that by the time they graduated highschool, my kids had discovered some talents, passions and God. From there, they can launch full-force into their first foray in the real, big world.

We've all seen the kid with the father who had been an all-star back in the day. Dad puts extra pressure on his kid to perform. Or maybe it's the beauty pagent mom who wants her girl to "be pretty" but poor little Lulu has a weight problem. (Cringe on both.)

I met a passionate Girl Scout leader with a daughter who shrugs and says "it's boring". Mom corrects by telling her how fun it was when they went here and there and they did this and that.  Her girl agreed the field trips were fun, but the weekly meetings weren't. Mom innocently believes her beloved kiddo needs to learn to appreciate it more and urges her to finish the written work in order to earn her two new badges "because Girl Scouts is fun". The child dutifully sat down and did the work, much to mom's delight.

In this sceanrio, who likes Girl Scouts? Not the girl. This particular troop is organized in a fashion that speaks to the way mom likes to process, but not the girl. She just loves her mama and wants to please her. I'll wager that whatever her written assignment was is not any aquired knowledge.

In our scope of parenting, it's important to seek objectivity. Ask ourselves if we are covering all the bases with a variety of learning expriences. Frontmost in our minds must be the question "is this what honors my child's learning style and interests?"

Not every child knows they want to play the tuba, it's our job to strategically expose them to the opportunities to discover that - even if we have no prior experience or tuba-love.  When we find out something isn't a fit, we readjust rather than continue to push the point.

In the case of the Girl Scout illustration, the little girl's 3 faithful years of attendance is more than enough. If mom continues to push, her tween will then determine mom doesn't understand and look elsewhere for support during upcoming critical developmental years.

Parents: I repeat. Is this for you or for you kid?