When I was in elementary school, my father - a former code breaker during the Korean War - would make up alphabet codes for me to break. He taught me how to recognize letter patterns and to look for the most common vowels and consonants first. Later I discovered Dell Crossword Magazine and was thrilled with a dozen such codes to break in each issue.
As a parent I have crafted emergency evacuation plans in case we had to leave the house - where will we meet? I've had to pack earthquake comfort kits when we lived in California and of course we planned on what to do if we ever got separated in a mall or Disney World.
But what about a family code to alert your child to a potential problem while in public? What about a special code word that only the family knows and is used only when you want to alert them? We have a code word we use when we are out in public and find ourselves in an unsafe area or notice something fishy going on and want to walk faster to get to the car (or to another store, etc.). When I pair this word with the time on an invisible clock, noon being straight ahead and 6 being straight behind us, they know where the concern is, to pick up the pace, hold my hand tighter and not to look around.
It plays out something like this: We are in a mall and to my right I see a group of high school boys starting to fight. I will say "I am going to [CODE] at 3 o'clock." The kids are on alert and we walk just a bit faster to turn the corner and go inside a store. We wait just a bit before going on our way. One time I stupidly took a short cut from an American Girl venue through an alley to the parking lot. Someone was in the ally and it creeped me out so out came the code.
Fortunately, we have never been victims of anything but harrassment while in public. My tall kids would probably tell me I was a bit over the top, but when the hairs on the back of my neck stand up I need to take protective action. Living in a heavily populated urban city right out of college taught me how to hold my face, clasp my bag, walk like I know what I'm doing (even if I'm lost) and scan the street. Growing up in a friendly city where you walked slow, made eye contact and greeted everyone had to go out the window because I had to protect myself first and be nice second.
Another code situation would be an emergency word that you and the kids know and only use in an emergency. We used the same word, only never had to use it for an emergency thank the Lord. This word would be used if someone unexpected had to go and pick up your child should you be unable to. They would have to use the code in order for your child to go with them. If the code wasn't used, no matter who the person was, your child is instructed to stay put and wait for you. We hear too many stories on the news about children going off with someone they thought was okay only to be kidnapped or worse.
This all gets tricky if a bitter divorce is going on. It isn't up to our children to know custody arrangements and monitor them, but because they love both parents and want to please, they can easily be fooled. I'll write about that separately because it is a growing concern.
In order to keep your kids from panicking, be sure to explain your code in a calm manner. This is just a safety precaution. Act confident. Don't employ it unless you feel you need to. Once you are back in the car or other safer place, commend them for following along in a neutral voice. I am big on praying out loud with kids in simple sentences to model prayer for them, so I would always thank God for helping us walk fast and keeping us safe, amen. Change of subject.
Remember if you are anxious, your kids will pick up on that. I'm encouraging awareness and practicality without specifically calling attention to a situation. Instead of saying "Look over there, those people scare mommy." You just give the code that you saw/sensed something and we're going to pick up the pace without gawking.
Let me know if you have any codes and how they work for you!
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