Combining 14 years experience in 5 churches in various stages, sizes, denominations and locations with my personal experience as a parent before becomng iinvolved in children's ministry, I have some candid observations. These observations are directed to families coming in the door looking for a church home.
For me it's a given that you select a church that values kids regardless of whether or not you have kids, or if your kids have aged out of any programs, and whether or not you are even married. A heathly church recognizes the next generarions on the way and affirms Christ's mandate to love children.
Let's define "children". For me, that is anyone in the womb up to highschool graduation. The current buzz word refers to these groups as "Next Gen".
It goes without saying that everyone who works with a child from birth-18 must have a background check. No one should be allowed near a child without this screening. Additionally, no worker should ever be left alone with a child. Furthermore, workers must be interviewed and trained and regularly encouraged.
Church growth studies state that young families will come to a church that has a great nursery and preschool and clean restrooms. They will stay based on their experiences in service.
So first of all, notice the condition of the nursery. The littlest ones. Do they have proper leader-to-baby ratios? Is there an adult in the room? How many children constitute a "nursery" at this venue and what is the age range? Is the area clean and safe? Do you have a method of checking your child in or out? Where are the doors? Is the equipment new and clean? Are age-appropriate toys available? What is their parent contact plan? How long will they allow your child to be in distress before they contact you? What is the well-child policy? How are the workers trained? And finally, do they have a curriculum they are using or are they just babysitting?
Yes, there are curriculums out there for babies. They include a take-home CD for parents to play the very same music at home their child hears at church as well as monthly parent pages providing tips of things to do at home. These curriculums also provide a short "lesson" for each month with simple graphics. Class time at this age obviously doesn't invlove sitting around a table, but while they are held and played with the leaders are telling them and showing them how God loves them.
Don't attend a church that doesn't honor children from infancy on up.
For toddlers and preschoolers, check again for the adult-to-child ratios. Note how the church divides these age groups. Linger or stay in the class the first time your child is there. Note how each child is welcomed and how the hour is scheduled. Is there an intentional plan or are the children merely roaming for an hour? What curriculum is being used? Are the leaders outgoing, engaging and nurturing? What is the policy for parent contact should a child need comfort or is misbehaving? It is common for snacks to be served at these ages, and usually it is a mini cup of cheerios. Find out what the snack/alergy policy is, especially if your child has any alergy. Will the whole class wash their hands before and after eating? How often are the toys sanitized?
Don't attend a church that doesn't sanitize the nursery, toddler and preschool area after each use.
Kindergarters may have their own class or be combined with kids a year younger or older depending on the size of the church. They should never be combined with babies or young preschoolers because their developmental capabilities are not a match. Again check out how welcoming the leaders are, what is going on in the room to capture your child's immediate interest and what the room looks like. At this age, your child can understand some basic theological prinicples and curriculum and activities should be structured to explain God's love. There should be less play and more teaching going on at this level.
Don't attend a church that expects your child to sit and listen for an hour, they need to move and their attention spans are one minute for every year of age.
Early elementary kids should be kept separate from middle and upper elementary age kids. The larger the church, the greater the chance that they can provide enough leaders to accomplish this. Ask how music, drama, art and videos are used in the teaching. Stick around for the opening portion of the class to see how the weekly point is introduced. Are there take-home resources for the parents either via hand out or online? How are parents communicated with?
Don't attend a church that doesn't provide you with at-home resources (at least through elementary grades) and merely views themselves as a once-a-week stop in your schedule.
Children are growing older younger. What is the church doing to acknowledge your 5th and 6th graders? Are your older elementary kids and middle schoolers given an opportunity to train in an area of service? (Tech, drama, nursery to name a few) What about mentoring high schoolers? Is there a break-out group honoring the in-between kids and what is it? Do they teach to all learning styles? Who are the teachers?
Don't attend a church that doesn't have regular, recognizable volunteers who will get to know your kids. They don't need to see a parade of 'warm bodies' each week. The lack of regular volunteers tells you that the message from the stage does not support next gen ministry and leaves those areas to fend for themselves.
You can easily find out what the church thinks about kids upon your first visit by noting how you are welcomed and where you have to go to drop your kids off. Or if they are even welcome in the service with you! Pick up the bulletin and notice the words used to describe ministry to kids. If you see the word "childcare", that is code for babysitting and represents a stunted mind set. That church will not know how to coach you in your most important role in life much less provide strong lesson plans, but your kid will get a sucker. The wording for all age levels should use active verbs that compell you to enthusiastically offer your child that experience.
Note how much print space, announcement space or power point graphics are regularly devoted to the next generation in the weekly services and web presence. If you see endless studies, projects, prayer groups and tryouts for choir, you will see what is valued most. If you are told there is only one way to be a fully devoted member of the church, be wary. If the one way is a spiritual growth plan, fine. If the one way is to care more about say, small groups than anything else... find that in the Bible first before continuing on.
If you see more PR for all-church events than for kids, that means the money and manpower is also forced there. Volunteers for kids will step away from their regular area in order to help with what they perceive is the really big and important thing, leaving gaps and thus undervaluing kids. Do you want your kids valued whole-heartedly or intermittantly?
Have a child with special needs or a special circumstance? Contact the head of that department ahead of time. Effective people in these roles have the time to meet with you and learn your story and can partner with you to make the experience positive. Are you new to town or new to church? Again, contact the pastors/directors over the ministries for your kids and share with them! I remember giving one family a tour of the church, showing them where everything happened for each age. Until that day they had never set foot in a church and appreciated knowing what was to be expected. They ended up developing relationships with Christ and becoming very active members.
Don't attend a church that doesn't celebrate children.
Several years ago I heard about a 1,000-member church in Southern California that made a radical decision. The members were largly comprised of adults no longer having children left at home. A new Senior Pastor stood on stage and told the people that they were going to be about one thing: developing the next generation for Christ. If they wanted to stay and be part of this focus, great. If they didn't like this, they were welcome to find another place to worship. Guess what? Most of the people stayed to make a difference! And yes, a by-product was an influx of families with kids. I admire his guts and wish there were more people like that in ministry. People who put truth before budget and numbers. People who don't try to please everyone and thus net nothing in the long run. People who confidentally define themselves and go for it 1000%. Bet you this pastor wasn't following someone else's book!
Recently I was asked by someone attending a church for six months if they should pursue membership yet. Knowing that this church did not value the next gen the way I have described above, I encouraged her to watch and wait.
Don't rush to "get married" to a church. Give it time and seasons as you observe and experience who they are.
No comments:
Post a Comment