My Pen

Writing about the evils of a pencil the other day reminded me of my Pen Story. I too got in trouble, only instead of suspension it was the old "put your desk in the corner" shaming.

It was second grade. Wait, first you have to know that I have "lived inside my head" since forever. An avid reader, I was always creating different narratives in my head and doing illustrations when time permitted - like after school.

Back to the story. At the time I was in second grade, and one of the popular shows on TV that I had the good fortune to watch before bedtime involved secret agents. They were the coolest! They worked for good and always stopped evil. Week after week, dressed in suits and raincoats, they solved the crime or saved the world. At least one of them wore a brimmed hat in addition the the belted raincoat.  When they were at their most secretive, they communicated with secret pens. All you had to do to use it was unscrew the middle and place the top under the bottom. Nifty, for sure.

When my parents bought me a non-yellow non-plastic cloth raincoat complete with a belt and a brimmed hat, I was thrilled. Now I would look just like the agents I so admired. Never mind that their coats were beige and mine powder blue, this would work.

I waited with baited breath for a forecast of rain so I could begin a mission of my very own without parental knowledge. About a week later my dream came true: morning showers. Off I went to school in my belted new coat, brimmed hat and hands thrust deeply into my side pockets just like I'd seen on TV. Clutched in my right hand inside the pocket  was my special pen - the one I would be communicating to Command Central with.

This pen is particularly notable because at the time second graders were not allowed pens, only pencils and crayons. Pens were for third grade on up. I had brought my pen from home.

The morning started off okay. I was to report in on classroom activities. Since I was working, I did not hang my coat in the cloakroom with the rest of the class. I needed to be in uniform. My teacher didn't seem to mind that I was sitting at my desk in a raincoat and hat for at least an hour. Then we had recess. From time to time, I would cautiously bring the pen out of my pocket and whisper a short message before reassembling it and placing it back inside. I was a good agent!

After recess I attempted to sit down again without removing my coat and hat. I checked in again with Command Central. "I'm back inside at my desk." I whispered. "We are doing Spelling."

My teacher noticed my cover at last. "Go hang your coat up with all the others and take off that hat."

"I can't, " I replied.

"You can't?!" She snapped.

"I just can't...." I said hopelessly.

Returning to my job, I unscrewed the pen and informed Command Central that I had to take off my coat.  I trudged to the back of the room and hung up my coolest spy outfit ever and returned to my desk. I was so engrossed in my mission, the incredulous stares from the rest of the class did not phase me one bit. This was my mission.

Seated back at my desk, the teacher resumed the spelling lesson and I dutifully resumed reporting in the status of the class.

The teacher noticed me whispering comments into the pen in my hand and indignantly told me to stop being a distraction and to put that pen away. Once again I sincerely informed the teacher, "I can't."

As she marched down the aisle, her spelling book clutched under her arm she repeated her command using both my first and last names. I kept reporting in.

The last message Command Central received from me that day was when I half stood and sputtered into the pen as it was being yanked from my grip, "She - is - taking - my - pen - right - now!!Sorry!!"

I would have to wait until after school to continue my mission...

Now It's a Pencil?

When I was in grade school, at recess boys and girls used to regularly gather around children from a less fortunate family and taunt and chase them. The teachers assigned to the yard duty consistently ignored the chanting group of children circling around four other kids. The humiliated kids used to pretend to go along, but you could see the pain in their faces. Sometimes I would go stand with them so more people would be on their side, but I didn't yet know how to tell others. Since the adults on the playground weren't interested, the unspoken lesson to me was that sometimes kids had to handle things on their own and that some things we just didn't talk about. The entire school just looked the other way.

Fast forward. Today we call this bullying and so much attention is given to the slightest infraction that stories repeatedly hit cable news. Seminars are given and Lifetime movies are made all telling us how bad it is to bully anyone for who they are. The kids in my school were merely poor. Imagine the movie that could have been made if they were of another ethnicity or gay?

Our North American school culture is on red alert lest someone be offended in any manner. We must protect everyone from everything every minute. And if we can't prevent it, we'd better jump all over it once it dares to happen!

A few years ago we heard about the "sexual harassment" when a kindergartener innocently kissed a little girl on the cheek.  Christmas Break is now retitled to cover up that reality. Entire states embrace curriculum embracing any kind of sexuality and any number of mommies and daddies.  Words the founding fathers used and commandments they posted as a matter of course are now deemed offensive and are being systematically removed from public buildings everywhere. Even the American flag - our country's flag - bothers some citizens! Oh, don't forget that it isn't fair to speak only English. (These same people don't blink when they go to France and everyone there speaks...French.)

Now we have a second grade boy playing "Marine and bad guy"  with his buddy at recess. His buddy was the bad guy and he was the Marine, cuz that's what his dad was. He used his pencil to fire "boom" and get the bad guy. The result for this natural child play was a two-day suspension for each boy. Never mind that they stopped immediately when their teacher told them to. Guns make children afraid and other children might be offended. They should never have done this.

Since this made the national news I imagine different legal groups or even the ACLU are getting involved. All over something normal children would do. Initially I wasn't going to give my girl so much as a squirt gun, but when she made them out of sticks and Legos, I realized it was part of play that I couldn't stop.

Kids play "good" and "bad" guy, and I'm thankful they can even think in terms of good and evil with all of the political correctness watering down reality every time I turn around. Gotta go. I'm off to buy a case of pencils and donate it to the local elementary school.