My Favorite Parenting Word

Oh how I love this word!

It is simple, empathetic and discussion-ending.

It is powerful and does not presume to solve the situation.

It is empowering and applicable to many situations we find ourselves in as we struggle to raise a generation that becomes personally responsible.

I learned this when my first born was eight and still believe this was one of the best parenting words ever created.

You can use it with toddlers. You can use it with teens. You can use it with kids in-between. (Oh hey do I ever feel like Doctorette Suess with that one!)

Both parents can use this word. (Even better.) And most importantly, the tone that you use is what makes it so effective. You have to, absolutely have to sound as chipper and upbeat as possible. Make eye contact when you use it and give a slight nod. They'll know you care. Sometimes you might be carrying the laundry basket and you can also toss this word over your shoulder as you continue down the hall. Whatever you do, do not have your kid sit across you at the table and attempt to hold some hearing. This word is too special to waste during a lecture (which you should really avoid, anyway. They're not listening, just waiting for you to end it.)

There are many scenarios where you can use this beloved word. It is always your reply to your kid's comment. Here are sample comments we've all heard. Your answer will always be this one amazing word:

"I forgot to bring home the parent permission slip."
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"I can't find my mittens."
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"I was late so they didn't let me."
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"I was going to get to that."
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"I hate what you made for dinner."
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"I don't want to [insert complaint here]"
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"I wanted one more chance."
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"I was cold without my coat."
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"I don't know what the homework is."
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"I'm tired."
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"But I'm not ready to go."
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"I don't know where my clean underwear is."
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By now you get the idea. By using this word you aren't lecturing or advising. The reality of the situation is causing your child to see that their choices had something to do with what happened. If they choose not to wear socks, their ankles just might get cold in January. But they won't die. So don't argue. When they come home and whine, you shrug. And follow up with the magic word:

"Bummer."

I promise it works. Not only are my own kids living proof, so are the hundreds of other kids I've coached. The key is to be quiet after you say it. Resist the urge to go on and on. "Bummer" says more than any speech. Unless of course they were shoplifting. But that's for another blog.