If you read much form me, you know that Starbucks is my office. In fact, I have a chain of them to select from. For the mere price of a decaf mocha, I can and have sat for hours bent over a book or my laptop enjoying a pleasant atmosphere where I can focus away from home. Yesterday was no exception.
When I arrived, there was only one table occupied in the entire location. On one side sat a woman with her laptop screen open, papers and her phone resting at the side. She was intent on the screen's information. Across from her sat a little boy no more than seven years old. He was dressed in a striped T-shirt reminiscent of the 70s and neatly combed hair. A backpack hung on the back of his chair as he crouched over a hand-held electronic item. I surmised this was a mother and son and she needed to take him with her while she worked, so she took her laptop to Starbucks instead of the office.
They had been there awhile before I arrived. I say this because their belongings appeared to be well-established and they were settled. Empty drink cups sat on the table. I was there four hours. They left thirty minutes before I did. Not once did I see that boy move from his chair or hear him speak. The woman took a few phone calls but did not leave her chair, either. At one point when I went to order another drink, he appeared slumped over the table so I thought he fell asleep. Nope. He had just found a way to rest his forehead on the table and play the game from his lap.
I did not hear a word from either of them as they packed up for the day. The woman did not break a smile and appeared lost in thought. The little boy was non-reactive and appeared as if he was used to going places with her and occupying himself.
Upon first seeing them, I thought it was a mom-and-son-day and they were just hanging out together. When mom kept her focus on her laptop screen and he didn't speak, I thought it was mom-didn't-have-anyone-to-watch-her-son-while-she-worked-day. When I kept seeing the boy stay in his chair, I thought it was the-most-compliant-boy-in-the-world-day, coupled with neither-of-my-kids-would-have-ever-sat-3-minutes-silently-across-from-me-day. At the end of these occasional observations, I decided it was #sadface-little-boy-at-starbucks-day.
Why a sad face? Because that little boy spent at least half of a business day with beautiful summer weather lighting up the windows sitting in a chair alone. Sure, his mom was across from him. But only physically. Mentally she was computing, managing and planning. Even when they packed up, she did not notice him much less make a big deal about how much she was able to get done that they could now go get some ice cream and run at the park. Sure. She might have said that in the car. But in my not to be humble opinion, she missed her moment. That was one tired little boy. His eyes had been zombieing on a small electronic screen for hours. He had not spoken. No one had spoken to him. Mom might have felt like she had gotten a lot done, but that little boy was on empty. He needed instant affirmation.
Yes, I know what it is like to be a working mom with no one to watch my kids while having to face deadlines. Yes, my kids have "had" to come along with me from time to time. The difference was that they got attention, praise and eye contact. They did not have to sit quietly. I allowed myself to be interrupted by them. This mom might have had a drop-dead piece of work to complete. She did look awfully serious. But I still contend she could have smiled at her boy from time to time and hugged him once they stood up. And she should have enthusiastically praised his socks off. Video games aren't that fun for that long. Another suggestion? She could have made sure he had brought a variety of items to use and coached him to change focus now and then. And a wink across the top of her computer screen? Priceless.
Working parents: please don't forget that your little boy at Starbucks is a little human being with thoughts and feelings all his own. Just because he can sit there quietly doesn't mean he doesn't have something to say. Your facial expressions and words mean far more than you think. That was his day as much as it was yours.
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