Going viral this week is the email from parents of a little boy about to turn one listing things "he wants" for his first birthday. Complete with links to the resource sites, the parents school the recipients with the do's and don't for gifting to their child.
No more than two gifts per family. Only the gifts on the list will do. These are the things he wants. All gifts must be accompanied by a receipt because they may have to return. The Receipt Rule applies now and evermore. No personalized items, that is kidnap-worthy. Only the Cheerio book for now as he has 35 more books in storage. If you have a question about a gift, call first as one may already be in storage. Oh, and by the way there is another approved list for the family so that there will be no duplicates.
No please, no thank you. Just instructions so tedious they rival the tax code.
Obviously, these are first timers. No one-year-old on the planet knows it's their birthday much less what they want for gifts! They state that "he hates" when they read to him right now. Hmmm. Depends on how they are doing it. That's not the book's fault. Bet the kid hates their (lack of) method. Thinking that their kid's birthday is a big deal for the world is another clue.
Not only are these people wimpy first-timers, they are greedy and materialistic. The email complained about the cost of formula, while mentioning all the things in storage. Storage? They have so much stuff it all can't fit in the same place and there are items waiting for when the kid turns three??
That poor little guy. He doesn't stand a chance for turning out to be a solid citizen. Not with his parents and family focusing on stuff and lists and rules. He's not gonna get to learn how to say "thank you" for a surprise (it has to be on the list, remember) or thoughfulness. He's not even gonna know what being thoughtful is. Instead, he's gonna wade through stuff and have so many material items orchestrated for his supposed "development" he will become dependent, uncreative, self-centered and demanding. Good job, first-timers. Good job!
Doesn't the world need more myopic people who only care for themselves and are so self-absorbed they truly believe they need to manage every detail because then things will surely turn out right?
You don't need any money to celebrate the anniversary of your baby's birth. You may want to shout it to the world, but please if you do, no emails ordering the guests to select from your pre-approved list.
Here's hoping this email was a belated April Fool. If not, then by all means bring the kid anything you like if you really want to hang around such self-absorbed people. Not me. I can't be in the same room when people are wrecking a perfectly fine kid.
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